How often should I text her? (2024 Update)

Two of the most frequent questions I get from guys who are getting numbers from girls are: “How often should I text her?”, and “Should you text a girl everyday if you like her?”

As always, I’m gonna do something many blogs won’t, and answer these questions RIGHT AWAY:

My friend, the answer to how often should you text a girl you like depends entirely on where in the interaction you currently are.

Should I Text A Girl Everyday?

I’ll give you a short answer right away, for each stage in the relationship. For more details and a more in-depth explanation, skip over to the second big part of the article, after the first picture.

Before dating her:

Should I text her every day if I like her?

If you’re not already actively dating — it’s NOT okay to send messages every single day.

That’s because receiving tons of messages from someone every day and all day long is ANNOYING and looks really needy. It really turns women off and makes you look desperate. (Unless you’re both very into it since you’re super crazy about each other, as there are always exceptions)

For example, if you haven’t even been on a first date together, then you shouldn’t text her much at all. Unless you really know what you’re doing and know how to build attraction over text. So in this case, I suggest only texting her to SET UP THE DATE, and not to chat.

That’s because she still doesn’t know you that well and doesn’t know your personality. So you’re still mostly just a stranger with her number.

So if you’re going to chat with her through text – a medium where you can’t express emotions clearly – there are going to be plenty of opportunities for her to misunderstand you and for you to screw up. Because of that, you’re most likely going to end up without a date at all!

I know this because I had to learn the hard way, by texting a lot of girls. And there were plenty of moments where a joke or a tease made the entirely wrong impression and was completely misunderstood. Ruining my chances with the girl instantly.

That said, if you feel confident enough in your abilities to carry a great, compelling and interesting conversation through text with a stranger, then text away! But this applies mostly to guys who are already good at pickup and seduction and have tons of experience.

After having slept together:

If you’ve already been on some dates and you both had fun and slept together. And you’re still wondering if you should text a girl every day or not… Then know you’re free to send her messages as much as you want. (Again, so long as it’s not annoying or needy!)

That’s because she’s already spent plenty of time with you and enjoyed your personality. She saw your sense of humour and has been intimate with you. So there won’t be many ways for you to unwittingly screw things up from there by sending an SMS.

Also, if you’ve already slept together and you suddenly start texting her less and less, she might think she’s doing something wrong. And that you’re suddenly avoiding her. Which can cause her to doubt herself and the relationship.

That said, the best way to figure out how often you should text her and if she likes texting every day is simply to ask her.

Which brings me to the next important point:

The TRUE answer to “How often should I text her?”

You should text as much and as often as is necessary for you to communicate well and enjoy each other’s attention. But not too much as to get on each other’s nerves.

This means it all depends on what both you and her prefer.

So I suggest you TALK ABOUT IT when you meet her next time.

There’s this little-known thing called Open and Honest Communication, and more people should try it. Because it solves a ton of problems down the line, no matter what type of relationship you’re in; casual, serious or otherwise.

You can easily approach the topic by saying something like “Hey, so how do you feel about guys texting you every day or sending tons of messages daily?”

And then she’ll tell you.

I usually don’t like getting tons of texts from women I’m dating unless it’s important. I also don’t enjoy all the “good morning, good night” messages and various small talk over text. I’d much rather call and talk.

So I say something to that extent: “Don’t you find it incredibly annoying when people text you all day long? It takes such a long time to reply because the keypads on the phones are not really meant for quick typing.” They usually get the gist and we end up talking about this subject more so we both understand each other.

SO THIS IS WHAT I SUGGEST YOU DO. Because having an awesome serious and casual sexual relationship is all about open and genuine communication. It removes ambiguity and a chance of misunderstanding each other. It lets you both figure out what you want from each other.

Now that you know the short answers, I’ll go into much more depth below. So you understand the underlying principles behind texting rules for guys and texting rules for dating in general.

texting rules for guys and dating

Texting Before You Start Dating:

Do I text her everyday?

Let’s get one thing straight, right off the bat. If you’re going to text someone every day, you will eventually both get bored of that. (Unless you’re an exceptional communicator and know how to keep interest up with text messaging)

Most people only do this in the honeymoon stages of the relationship. Because they’re often head over heels for each other. And want to spend as much time with each other as possible.

However, too much of anything is bad for you. And the same applies to texting!

It’s great to text someone every day – particularly if it’s a girl you like – if there’s no way for you to meet in person. This means that texting someone every day is best left for long-distance relationships. Or while you’re on a trip, out of town, or under similar circumstances.

Why? Because if you have a chance to meet face-to-face. Then you should ALWAYS choose that option over texting, phoning, or anything else!

Face-to-face is where the magic happens. It’s the only way for you to really attract and seduce the girl and then sleep with her. Assuming you’re not already actively dating, of course.

So let’s assume you’ve met someone you like.

You’ve met someone and now you’re thinking to yourself “Should I text her every day if I like her?”

Well, why would you even try to convey your emotions and interest in her through texting?

It’s a medium where you can’t showcase your sense of humour that well. Because there’s no way for her to see your facial expressions. She also can’t hear your tone of voice. She can’t notice your gestures and eyes. And there’s no way for her to feel your physical touch.

That won’t get you anywhere near your goals with the girl!

Plus, if you or I text her every day, she’s more likely to become a FRIEND rather than a LOVER. Unless you’re really good at maintaining attraction over text, which most guys aren’t.

That’s because she’ll be so used to your attention and your time talking with her. There won’t be much anticipation and intrigue when you meet. Because of that, there usually won’t be much sexual tension as a result. And she won’t consider you as a lover.

And creating and maintaining sexual tension is a MUST if you want to become intimate with her.

You see, it’s SUPER DIFFICULT to build decent sexual tension through texting. Since you’re not actually close to each other. Because for sexual tension to happen, there needs to be physical touching, displays of certain body language, sexual undertones and so on. And it’s really easy to mess up if you get too sexual too soon.

So unless you’re a MASTER at creating sexual tension through text. And can make her HORNY and EAGER to meet you (which most men definitely can’t do). Then I suggest you refrain from doing so while you’re texting her on the phone. Because half-hearted attempts at this will only make things worse.

Leave the interesting conversations for the date…

When it comes down to it, why would she even want to meet you when she can get all the validation and attention she desires from you at the touch of a button?

That’s why you should keep things brief and don’t tell her your life’s story over text. Because if you overshare too much information about yourself. A lot of the mystery and intrigue about you will be gone. So she won’t be as eager to meet you face to face.

Leave these things for when you meet each other for a date. As it’s much easier to build attraction and sexual tension in person. And if you do everything correctly, she’ll start showing many signs that she likes you and wants you to make a move on her.

It takes a lot of practice and know-how to be interested in your SMS messages. Not many men can do it naturally since it’s very difficult to be charming over text. And that’s why if you’re wondering how to seduce a girl over text, I’d advise you to meet her in person instead.

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Incidentally, I’ll eventually write a separate article on how to seduce a girl over text and make her horny and eager to meet you and sleep with you at some later time. Because seducing women over the phone takes specific knowledge and skills.

But for now, I simply advise you to do this in person because this is very advanced stuff for people who already enjoy great success.

Now, let’s talk about texting in the early stages of dating. Among other things, I’ll delve deeper into answering whether you should be texting her every day when you’re already together, or not.

texting early stages dating

Should you text a girl every day when you’re dating seriously?

The answer to this is also a resounding NO! (Unless you both agree to it beforehand.)

Now here’s another perspective: Let’s say you’re still dating but you’re out of the honeymoon stage. And you’re not really into the whole lovey-dovey thing.

If you text her every day, it may seem to her like you have nothing much going on in your life apart from her. It can often seem needy and desperate. Like she’s the only thing worth thinking about in your life.

I’m sure the last thing you’d want to get in return from her is a “Get a life, loser!” Which is exactly what you’re going to get eventually, if you keep annoying her with text after text.

One text is fine, to let her know you’re thinking about her. If she continues the conversation, that’s great, text away. But pestering her constantly is definitely out of the question.

So unless you’re one of those couples who genuinely and unironically write “Missing you already!” when their significant other goes to the toilet and takes longer than 5 minutes… Then you shouldn’t text all the time.

And if you’re already used to sending texts every day. Then not texting her even for a day can make a whole world of difference.

That’s because she’ll wonder why you suddenly stopped and will most likely start texting you herself and then begin chasing you. Which would be pretty manipulative on your part though. If you often do it consciously to make her start missing you.

So the answer to “I text her everyday, should I stop?” is a pretty definite “Yeah man!”

Make people miss you and your company.

You see if you’re texting each other every day, the other person will never even get a chance to start missing you.

You’ll also become very predictable to them and talking to you will become just another routine. So they won’t get as emotionally attached to you as they otherwise would.

But imagine if you were to disappear for a brief time.

After a while of them not getting their “daily fix” of talking to you. They’ll start missing you for one reason or another.

Maybe they’ll start missing your jokes or the way you make them feel when you talk. Maybe they’ll miss your witty comments and intelligent remarks on the various current events in the world. Or maybe they’ll simply miss the tone of your voice or your laugh.

After a while, they’ll start missing having you around. Which will make them realize they like having you around because they like you.

Because we tend to take things for granted.

Then they’ll start wondering where you are and why you haven’t responded. And they’ll be prompted to contact you themselves. And once you answer and tell them something like “Oh, I’ve just been busy.” That’s where you’ll really make them realize they want you around.

This is a small example of how anticipation and intrigue work.

Actually, not texting a girl for a day or two is a very powerful tactic which builds a lot of anticipation. That anticipation, plus the emotional attachment I mentioned above, later turned into a strong attraction. And becomes one of the best ways to make women chase you.

So here’s my biggest advice to most guys who want to learn the texting rules for dating:


Text women sparingly to build anticipation

Again, too much of anything is a bad thing. And too much texting will seem needy and desperate.

Show her you don’t think about her every single day. Because you’re out there busy living your life.

This exudes an abundance mentality with women. So she’ll often find you much more attractive. It’s] one of the reasons why women find bad boys so attractive.

You should only text a girl every day if you’re already sleeping together a lot or are boyfriend and girlfriend. Or at least friends with benefits who enjoy texting each other a lot. And you’re still at that stage where you’re devouring each other’s bodies.

And you can also text her whenever you want if you’re in a long-term relationship with each other and have talked about texting. Then there’s absolutely no reason not to text every day if you both decided it’s fine, enjoy it and find it very engaging.

For anyone else — TONE IT DOWN!

Don’t text too much and stop wondering about “How often should I text her?” This way you’ll avoid tons of unnecessary worry.

Remember, her interest in you will increase MORE, the LESS you contact her. Because it will show you’re a busy guy who has other cool stuff going on in your life and that you don’t just sit at your phone thinking about her all day. Like someone who has no interesting things to do.

So if you get thoughts like “Should I not text her?” Then you’re probably already texting her too much.

Texting is best for setting up dates.

Again, I only text girls to set up dates with them and then to set up further dates. And it always works out very well for me.

I don’t text to chat or talk because I know that it most likely can’t lead to anything fruitful. Unless my goal is to simply chat with her and kill some time. Or to make a new platonic friend and not a lover. Then it’s perfectly fine to do so.

But if I want to meet her, seduce her, and then sleep with her. I’ll only text the necessary few lines to set up our date. Then, once on the date, I’ll focus on doing my thing. Having fun, teasing her, flirting with her, connecting on a deeper level, creating sexual tension, and then sleeping with her.

This will let me seduce her much more easily than if we were texting all day.

So remember this well: If you want more consistent success, stop texting her every day. And focus on setting up a date with her as fast as you can instead.

And if you’ve already gone down the rabbit hole and are constantly texting some girl you like. Then remember that not texting her for a day or two, or even more, can do wonders for your situation.

should i text a girl every day and how often do i send message

That’s because she’ll start wondering what’s happened to you all of a sudden and will become intrigued as to what you think of her. After she contacts you, say something like “Hey, I’d rather meet in person and tell you all about it! When are you free?” And bam — more likely than not, you’ll have yourself a date!

How often should I text her if she’s always busy?

Well, if you keep texting her and she always says she’s too busy to meet you. Then I suggest you go on with your life and start meeting other girls.

That’s because when a girl constantly keeps telling you she’s “busy.” It means she doesn’t want to meet you all that much or at all. Because if she really wanted to meet you, she would FIND the time. As that would be in her best interest. And, as it stands now, if she’s always “too busy” for you. Then it means meeting you is at the bottom of her list of priorities.

In this case, if you text a girl like that every day, she’ll eventually see you’re very desperate. And she’ll either ghost or block you because you’re annoying.

So, what I usually do in this situation if I wonder whether I should text her every day or not, especially if she’s busy, is this:

I’ll ask her out through text and see what she has to say. Then, if it’s a negative reply, I’ll completely forget all about her and go on with my life. I’ll meet other women and will only text her like once every week or two when I remember her. To see if she’s interested or not in meeting.

If she’s interested, then that’s great and we set up that date. If she isn’t, I simply move on. And maybe text her again in a couple of weeks or a month. This is the best way to save yourself from tons of worry and mental anguish. Because it’s obvious she wasn’t that interested in you to begin with.

However, how busy or not she will be for you will depend entirely on your interaction before you getting her number. That’s because getting numbers is fairly easy. But having girls REMEMBER you and WANT to meet you afterwards, that’s the most difficult part!

To learn how to have girls consistently remember you when you get their numbers. Make sure to read how to get a girl’s number and have her want to meet you later for a date!

Conclusion: How often should you text a girl you like?

How often should you text a girl you like?

As often as is only necessary to set up a date. Unless you’ve already slept with her. In which case you can text her as much as you like since you obviously both already like and enjoy each other.

The only exceptions are women who will refuse to meet with you without texting much because they don’t feel safe. You see, some women will not meet with anyone for a date without having many conversations with them. You need to put them at ease so prepare to text a lot before your date. But these women are the exception, not the rule.

Here are some other relevant articles:

How to pass any and all shit tests that women throw at you

5 direct and cute ways to ask a girl out on a date – and why lines don’t matter!

How to Get Laid at a Party and Why Most Guys Don’t

How to Tease a Girl and Why Teasing on Dates is Massively Important!

As you can see, the less texting you do, the more consistent success you’ll see.

That’s because most girls think that if a guy texts them too much or does it every day. He’s too boring and doesn’t have other things to do. It’s also very needy and reeks of desperation unless you’re already great friends.

And even if the girl doesn’t think all these negative things, texting her every day will more often than not result in you being FRIEND ZONED. Because that’s what platonic, non-sexual friends do. They talk to one another all the time. Which results in zero sexual tension, zero anticipation, zero sexual attraction, and mystery. And you want her to be your lover and not a friend, right?.

So, now you know about these crucial texting rules for guys when dating. Text LESS, to get MORE results!

Finally, when you set up that date, do you know what you have to do for it to go well? So you can start either a serious or casual friends-with-benefits relationship with the girl?

If not, and if you want to learn how to consistently get laid on the first date. And get her to WANT to be either your girlfriend or fuckbuddy, Click on the book below.

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And if you want updates when I post more content on dating and seduction, then you should follow me on Facebook here.


saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.


  1. Reginald Kenneth Mathes
    March 25, 2020

    I just want to say that this article may get me laid. ive met à really hot one….. n i just décide last night …. not to contact her for two days…

    • saulisdating
      March 28, 2020


      Well, you don’t need to play games where you don’t contact her for certain amounts of days. You can contact women right away, as long as you don’t look desperate or needy while doing so.

  2. March 27, 2020


    One of our guests just lately proposed the following website.

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