Today, I’ll show you a few simple yet very effective steps on how to get a girls number, and also how to approach women in general.
This is mostly for beginners and intermediate level guys, but there are also some very advanced concepts that are useful for just about any guy who wants to become more successful with women and easily get those dates.
Anyway, I’m sure you’ll agree with me that we would all want to have the ability to simply walk up to any attractive woman or hot girl that we like, say a couple of words, make her laugh, have her enjoy our company, then successfully get her number.
Unfortunately, for a lot of guys, as simple as walking up to a girl and asking for her number and getting it sounds – this is far easier said than done. Even though they WANT to approach, they often don’t know how to do it, have no clue what to say when they do, or they simply become too nervous and anxious thinking about it, and ultimately don’t even approach in the first place!
So, let me help you with that, and explain exactly what needs to happen and how to get a girls number, and then have her remember you when you text or call her, and be eager to meet you!
How To Get a Girls Number – The Necessary Steps
Getting any girl’s number will require you to do a few crucial things.
But first, and most importantly, you need to know one critical point before you even start:
Don’t just go up to girls and instantly ask for their number!
Most girls will simply say no to that, or ignore you, or find some other excuse to get rid of you – because it’s far too random and you haven’t given them any reason to give it to you. Unless, of course, you’re someone who’s incredibly good-looking, have some other very distinctive feature about you, or show off an extreme circumstance that displays incredibly value like riding up in a golden Ferrari, or being surrounded by 100 fangirls, etc. – which is not something that us average normal dudes can depend on.
I mean, ask yourself – WHY would a random girl give a random guy her number, just for the heck of it? If you think that women would do that just because you walk up and say a few words, you’d be a fool because no woman will give her number to every guy who approaches her and asks for it right away.
And if you do happen get a number like that, more often than not it’s going to be fake. Or, when you later try to contact her, she may also simply ignore you and constantly tell you she’s busy because giving you her number was a very simple way to get rid of you and move on. In fact, that’s how flakes happen, and that’s now how to approach women if you want results.
So, the most important thing you need to realize is that you need to TALK to girls and be engaging for at least a little while, before you ask them out on instant dates, or go for their numbers – if you want to be very consistent at getting results. Give them a REASON to WANT to meet you! Girls won’t want to commit to a date with some random dude without at least finding out if they’re not going to completely waste their time. People value their time!
Attractive women value their time, just like you do! They have shit to do, they don’t have the time to go on a date with any fool who wants to know how to get a girls number, finds out how simple it is, and approaches them.
So, show them a reason why they’d want to go on a date with you in the first place. And, simply being a normal, chill, and relaxed dude who’s either fun, interesting, exciting, or humorous will achieve that.
Then women will gladly give you their number if you hit it off and share a memorable moment. It usually takes 5–30 minutes to get a girls number and have her actually WANT to meet you afterward, so don’t rush things!
That said, most guy’s can’t even get the first step right – which is approaching. Because they’re afraid of rejection.
For that, I suggest that you sign up for my Inner Game Course – you’ll see the form somewhere on this page.
Anyway, let’s begin:
Step 1 – How to Approach Women and Open
Well, this is the easiest part in the world when you’re already a secure person who has his shit together.
Basically, you see a girl you like and you decide to approach her. You then move your feet, one in front of the other, until you’re near enough for her to hear you – and then you just say the first thing that pops into your mind. More often than not a simple “Hello!” will do just fine.
But all joking aside, for a lot of guys, this is one of the biggest hurdles that they have to overcome – and it’s called approach anxiety. But, if you want to know how to get a girls number, you simply MUST overcome it at some point so that you’re at least able to TALK to the girl like a normal person.
But I’ll tell you how I do it – and I’ve done this process countless times with awesome results.
When I see a girl I like – I IMMEDIATELY start moving to her before my mind realizes what I’m doing and goes into panic mode – scrambling my whole brain. Then, I say the first thing that pops into my mind!
Usually, it’s something similar to “Hey, I just saw you and thought you were very (cute/funny/weird/silly/interesting/happy/whatever) and wanted to come and talk to you! I’m Andy by the way. And you?”
And that’s it!
Believe you me, it’s not that complicated at all. You don’t have to think of something interesting, mind-blowing or earth-shattering to say to her. All you need to do is just go up to her – AND SAY HI, followed by what you’re thinking at that moment!
That said, if your body language, eye contact, posture, tone of voice is all over the place – if you can’t keep your shit together and are a nervous mess – even that simple approach will more often than not fail. So be sure to fix your external issues first and foremost before you even start learning how to get a girls number.
And, when I say that your “Hello” should be followed by what you’re thinking – I do mean that you should just go up to the girl and tell her EXACTLY what’s on your mind.
If you happen to be very nervous at that moment – SAY THAT!
When I was a young nervous lad, still learning the ropes, I’d go up to women I liked and say stuff like “Oh hey there, I thought you were pretty, but I’m not really good at talking to girls and I’m new in this town. Wanna chat?”
Or “Hello, I’m Andy! I thought you looked great but I’m rather nervous right now, and I don’t know why! But I still wanted to meet you. So who are you?”
Stuff like this is completely disarming – she will either accept this and talk to you or reject you and ignore you – but in any case – you’ll get some respect, and much needed experience!
If she rejects you – you simply move on, and then adjust your approach and do the next one better. You find out that she’s not interested in you, and you stop wasting your time with her.
However, it’s incredibly rare to find people who speak what they mean, without fear of judgement, and other people in general respond strongly and usually very favorably towards such behavior.
So, more often than not, I found that being genuine and authentic with the people you talk to really helps. Doing this, you’ll always be congruent when it comes to your actions, behavior, and words.
Even walking up to a girl and saying “Hey, I don’t usually do this sober during the day, and I don’t really know how to talk to girls, but I just wanted to meet you” will do wonders, if it’s coming from a genuine place.
The thing about telling girls how you feel in the first few moments of the interaction is that it destroys all pressure, and opens her up to the interaction, and to talking with you. Basically, it’s about addressing the elephant in the room. To get rid of it, you need to address it, and that will remove an ENORMOUS amount of pressure, from the both of you.
Below is another example of how to approach women and get a girls number, which is an excerpt from one of my articles on Quora:
It’s such a shame that most guys don’t realize that there are no “best” or “perfect” ways to start a conversation with a girl when walking up to them.
There’s no perfect way to approach and no perfect thing to say to start the conversation that will work on every girl, because they’re all different individuals with different wants, needs, likes and desires – just like you and me.
You have to understand that conversations and approaches are meant to be made up IN THE MOMENT!
They’re also meant to be MESSY, never perfect, and sometimes even awkward.
If you go in with some canned phrase or “pick-up line” or any other silly thing, the girl will see that you’re not being genuine and that you’re using fake words that do not reflect your personality, your thoughts, and who you really are.
I’ve approached THOUSANDS of girls and been on thousands of dates during the decade when I was deeply into pickup – and here’s how I did it:
I walk up to a girl I find attractive and say something close to the following that reflects what I’m thinking in that moment.
“Hello! I thought you looked really cute (sexy/smart/exciting/whatever else I noticed about her that I liked) so I wanted to meet you and find out who you were”
And that’s it – there’s nothing complicated about it. I saw the girl, thought she looked attractive to me, went up to her and said so.
Then I talk about whatever it is that’s on my mind and improvise – it’s called displaying your personality.
The point is just to start the conversation and then whether things will go well for you or not depend entirely on your attitude, personality, character traits, and conversational skills.
The approach itself doesn’t matter and what you actually tell her initially doesn’t matter. Just for the sake of experimenting I went up to women saying stuff like:
“Hello, I like bananas. How are you?”
“Hello, my kitten had a bad hair day today. Isn’t the weather nice?” – and many more silly or ridiculous things.
And you know what? It didn’t matter the least bit what my words were – it was all up to my attitude, execution and personality.
If you can have an interesting conversation that she’ll enjoy – it doesn’t matter how you start it.
So next time you see a girl and wonder “What should I say to her?” – just man the fuck up, walk up to her and say what’s on your mind – then improvise – rely on your personality.
Some girls will like it, some won’t. If there are more girls who don’t like it than those who do – that’s a clear sign that you have to improve yourself.
The most important thing is to TAKE ACTION and START the conversation. The HOW is IRRELEVANT. You’ll learn more about pickup in one day of approaching every attractive girl you meet, than in a year of reading about it on the internet!
I’ve had some of the most incredibly messy and hysterically brutal and awkward approaches become some of my most memorable dates and one night stands or relationships.
So don’t try to look for the perfect thing to say and to make a perfectly good impression, because once you get enough experience and knowledge to become a man who has a well-rounded personality and certain attractive character traits – you’ll know that you will be able to deal with any conversation that comes your way!
But to become that man, you need EXPERIENCE. And the only way to get that experience is to get the fuck out of your comfort zone, and then go and approach.
Point is, talking to girls becomes easy and more organic and the words will not matter when you become an action taker instead of being a passive person.
People should say whatever is on their mind, in their heart, on clear intuition and observation.
I wish more guys realized this: It’s all about improving yourself and developing your personality to such a level where everything that’s coming out of your mouth is pure gold.
Once you’re confident in yourself, just say whatever you want, because you’ll have the guts and wit to follow through any reply.
This is how to approach women who you’re interested in.
Basically, when you’re not very good at game – DON’T GAME THE GIRL. Just be you, tell her what’s on your mind, express yourself by talking about the things that are interesting to you, empathize with her, try to see who she is as a person without having an ulterior motive – and you’ll do fine. If she later enjoys your company – she’ll GLADLY give you her number!
Game makes everything much more efficient, but you can’t fake it – you must take the time to learn and master it before it becomes a tool in your arsenal, and not a detriment to your success.
Finally, regarding approaches and also how to get a girls number, here’s a great mindset to have when approaching women:
When you’re approaching, think to yourself stuff like this: “Hmm, you’re hot, but are you a good person underneath those amazing looks? Let’s find out!”
If you go in with that mindset and try to figure out if that pretty girl is also a great person, you’ll always be coming in from a position of power and not from desperation. That is a VERY powerful mindset to learn and apply when you’re approaching women in order to get their number. Trust me, girls notice when a guy has high standards and will not date just anyone because he’s not desperate – and that’s very attractive.
Step 2 – Transition from a Stranger into an Acquaintance
This step is crucial and will make or break the whole interaction.
When learning how to get a girls number, you have to know how to transition from the “Hello” – or whatever else you’ve opened with – into a normal conversation. Otherwise the interaction will become super awkward very fast – which is a very common problem a lot of guys face. It’s fine if you later know how to deal with that awkwardness, but that’s another story for another time.
But what do most guys do? They go up, introduce themselves, and then in they’re mind they’re like: “Okay, WHAT NOW?!” At that point, panic starts to set in. This quickly turns into nervousness, then even more anxiety and stress, and eventually things spiral out of control. The girl will definitely notice this, and the whole experience will be cringe-inducing for her. You don’t want that, trust me 🙂
Fortunately, transitioning into a normal conversation is not as hard as you might think. In fact, it’s pretty easy, and takes just a couple of seconds!
You simply find out if the girl is busy and then tell her that you’re going to talk with her for a bit because you either want to introduce yourself, or find out who she is – by being honest and straightforward about it. Incidentally, you’ll notice that honesty and authenticity is a big theme with me – but it always works, so don’t worry.
Honest game that’s coming from a place of authenticity > gimmicky pickup. Every single time. Remember this when learning how to approach women and getting girls numbers.
Anyway, even saying something as simple as “Hey, hold on for a bit” will work fine, or “Hey, I just need two seconds!”, followed by “Are you in a hurry right now?”
Much more often than not, she won’t be, and will say so – and she’ll have no reason to lie to an honest question like that. Unless, of course, things like your body language, tone of voice, eye-contact, etc. is ridiculous and total shit. If you haven’t yet handled those things, there’s a high chance you’ll scare her off because of that and seem creepy because you’re being incongruent – which means that there’s no alignment between your thoughts, words, and actions. Then, she’ll naturally be looking for any reason to ditch you and will just walk away, or say she’s busy, or whatever.
However, if it’s a legitimate reason, like she’s obviously in a rush, says she’s taken and means it, and etc – then just let it go – or at least try for a quick “Okay, let me grab your Facebook then”, which is still you taking a shot, rather than doing nothing.
But back to the subject at hand – one of my favorites is a simple “Let’s talk for a few minutes.” after your initial opener, whatever it may be.
Saying this accomplishes several things. It’s intriguing. It lets her know that you want to talk to her and that you’re not some “random” person who’s trying to sell her something, or get something from her. And, it puts her at ease!
That last part is very important and a crucial step in actually getting a girls number. It will let her know that you’re not some weirdo, and that you’re simply a guy who found her to his liking and wants to talk to her for a few minutes to get to know her.
But also, giving a time frame is pretty important. Saying “For a few minutes”, or “For just a moment”, or “For a little bit”, and “Just two seconds!” is very important, because it’s a very low commitment and most people can spare a few minutes to talk to someone – unless they’re genuinely in a hurry, are anti-social, or simply don’t like you because of your first impression. And after that initial phrase, if your conversation is enjoyable, she’ll quickly forget all about the “two seconds”, and they’ll turn into “two thousand seconds” – or maybe even an instant date!
So, find your own favorite way to say these things – but just say them. Es mucho importante!
Also, to solidify the fact that you’re not strangers anymore – you introduce yourself, and then ask her name.
Step 3 – Have Fun
When you transition into a normal conversation, and from strangers to simply two people having a chat – you can begin getting to know her and displaying your personality.
Now, simply focus on having fun, without any ulterior motive in mind!
The point is to make her feel joy. If and when she does – she’s yours!
To accomplish that, I usually go with the “I have never met a stranger” approach at this point.
It means I talk to her like I would talk with one of my BUDDIES!
Or, as someone who I have already fucked.
Trust me, this does WONDERS for the general vibe, and helps tons with how the whole conversation is going to play out.
It also prevents you from being a desperate creep, and lets you tease her and flirt with her in various ways.
For the first couple of minutes – and this is super important – I usually go with simple things like “So what’s up with you?”, or “So, how’s your week been?”, or “So, what have you been up to this week? Cause any trouble lately?”
Then she replies with something, and I would simply start talking about my day. Then ask her about hers. JUST LIKE I WOULD DO WITH A BUDDY – or a girl I’ve already fucked.
This “boring and plain” conversation for the first couple of minutes is massively important because it shows her that you’re just a normal, chill, relaxed, cool dude who has no trouble being social and talking to people. It puts her at ease, and primes her for what’s about to come next.
Now, after I’ve established that I don’t have any ulterior motives than just being a social dude who found her interesting and wants to get to know her – I begin with the teasing, flirting, humorous witticisms, and other similar things.
This is the part where you make the conversation memorable, by making your personality shine.
I’m not going to show you the exact ways you can flirt here since this is mainly about how to get a girls number, and approach women.
But mostly, because I’ve written an article about it already- which I highly recommend that you read here:
How to Tease a Girl and Why Teasing on Dates is Massively Important!
By showcasing your sense of humor and personality, by flirting with her, teasing her, making funny, witty, cocky, brash, and cheeky comments – you’ll make the interaction very memorable, which will make sure that she’ll remember you when you later get her number and give her a call or send her a text.
Plus, when you make her feel joy, laugh, etc., you’ll easily be able to use call-back humor to make her feel this way again, once you contact her over the phone.
And, that call-back humor will be crucial for when the time comes for her to decide whether she’ll eagerly want to meet with you, or if she’s going to label you as “just another bland and boring guy I don’t even remember and will ignore”.
Step 4 – You get her Number
At this point, it’s pretty straightforward. And, if you’ve had an awesome conversation up to now, she’ll very likely give you her digits herself, saying something like “We should meet again sometime! Here, take my number”.
But if she doesn’t give it to you herself, and you want to know how to ask a girl for her number in person, just say a simple “Let’s exchange numbers and continue this conversation again sometime, when we’re free”, or “Hey, let’s exchange numbers and grab some coffee later”.
It doesn’t have to be complicated. You both know what’s coming next, so just go for it. “Well, I gotta go – what’s your number?”
Although I’d prefer you go with the “Let’s exchange numbers route” and not asking her for it – for reasons I’m not going to go into now since they’re too “meta” for this article – asking her for it is still a decent way to go about it.
And, if you find out throughout the course of your conversation that you both happen to be in no hurry – you may even simply try to go for an instant date, which would be the best option if you want to get laid that very same evening.
And there you have it – four easy, simple, and effective steps to get any girls number and approach women. Well, except the third one – because being charming, flirty, and learning to tease effectively takes lots of practice and experience to get it right – so go and work on that. The only way you get better at things is by practicing them – which also increases your confidence levels.
So, to recap, this is how to get a girls number:
- Approach and say Hi
- Transition from Strangers to Acquaintances
- Have a few minutes of normal conversation followed by lots of flirting and teasing
- Get her Number by asking for it
Afterward, it’s all about setting up a date, having an awesome time together, and then getting laid! If you need help with that, click “Get The Book” at the top of the page.
Be sure to read my other articles if you want to know how to approach women, and what mindsets you should employ. And, if you found this useful – be sure to share it with your friends and people who will also find it useful!
If you have any questions or feedback – ask them in the comments below – I’ll do my best to answer them!
I need to to thank you for this very good read!! I certainly enjoyed every little bit of it. I have you book marked to check out new things you post…