How to ask a girl out for coffee – 2024 Update

First of all, read this article in full and you’ll understand the logic behind the lines about all the direct and cute ways how ask a girl out on a coffee date.

However, you don’t need any of them if you truly want to know how to ask a girl for coffee and get a yes! And your results will be even better without any “lines” if you know what to do!

I know, I know, huge twist! But the reasons behind it will BLOW YOUR MIND. I promise.

The reason I wrote them down is because some people get stuck in their heads too much when talking to women. And then completely freeze without being able to talk.

These guys need to memorize a couple of things to say, just so they can automatically blurt them out when the right time comes and get it over with.

So, the first part of this article is for complete beginners!

The second part of the article is to show you WHY you don’t need any lines at all when talking to girls. And why you shouldn’t even strive to learn any of them to begin with.

If you’re truly interested in getting better with women, the second part will shift your whole perspective on how men and women interact. And will help you become much more successful with girls in general. So make sure to read it thoroughly. Because I’m gonna be dropping some real, powerful and dirty secrets and truth-bombs down there.

That said, how to ask a girl out is a very common problem I often hear about. So first, I’m going to try and tackle it just like most “pick up gurus” would. And then expose all the flaws.

ask a girl for coffee img

Here’s How To Ask A Girl Out On A Coffee Date Without Fail

A lot of guys can approach a girl, strike up a conversation with her and have it turn out fine. But then they don’t know how to ask that girl out for coffee to meet her later.

They may know how to get the girl’s number quickly and efficiently. They may even know how to talk to girls to grab their attention and have a fun and interesting chat together. But when the time comes to ask them out in person — they freeze up completely and hesitate!

So if you’re also someone who freezes up at that crucial moment. Then I’ve prepared a list of many direct and cute ways to ask a girl out on a date! I’ve personally used them all before, to see how things work. And because I like to test things out. And I got great results using all of them, time and time again! Here is how to ask her for that coffee date.

Before we begin – the setup

First of all, if you don’t already know how to properly talk to girls and how to spark interest and initial attraction. Then it won’t matter if you know the best way to ask a girl out. Since you’ll still probably fail.

That’s because, in the end, it’s not about the content of your words. It’s all about being congruent with what you’re saying. 

Being congruent with what you’re doing and saying means being a genuine and authentic man. These two things are among the main attractive character traits that make men irresistible to women.

  • A Genuine Man is someone who doesn’t hide who he is from other people for fear of judgment. 
  • An Authentic Man represents his true nature or beliefs and values. And doesn’t pretend to like the things he does not like, or feign interest in things that are not interesting to him, just to try to impress other people.

The most important point to know before asking someone out is that you have to have a fun, interesting, engaging, or exciting conversation with them before that. A conversation where you both share a laugh, click together, enjoy each other’s company and create a GENUINE mutual interest in one another.

That initial conversation usually lasts anywhere from several minutes to several hours. Depending on the circumstances and on your social skills. But after you set this groundwork, asking a girl out becomes a piece of cake!

So here’s when and how to ask a girl out when you’re talking to her, both directly and in a cute way! You can use these sentences when the conversation is drawing to a close and you’re about to part ways. Read until the very end to get a little insightful secret that many men fail to realize.

Clever and Cute ways to ask a girl out for coffee

  1. So I have a question. There’s this really cute girl that I recently had a very fun time talking with. What do you think, should I ask her out on a date or would that be too direct? – Most girls will say “Of course you should!” or something similar. And that’s when you ask her out.
  2. Hey, I know this amazing place where we can get a cup of coffee; the music there is too loud, the people obnoxious, the waiters rude – but your company would make this place worth it 😉 How’s your Friday looking? – And then just exchange numbers. Don’t forget to flash that playful and sly smile of yours.
  3. Oh, by the way, do you think I’m cute? (You’ll most likely get a Yes, or a Sure. If you get a Nope, you’re shit out of luck, but you can just tease her about hanging out with guys who ain’t cute and still loving it:)) Hey! You take that back! I’m not cute, I’m fierce! Let’s go get some coffee and I’ll show you what I mean. Said in a very playful tone. This worked many times to get an instant date. Because it’s silly and stupid. Remember – it’s not the content but the meaning behind the words and HOW you present them. The right attitude here is to be in a playful and cutesy mood.
  4. Can I get us a cup of coffee? We’ll have to do it now because I’ve only got an hour before the asylum comes looking for me! – Another instant date classic! The first part sounds needy, but the last part makes sure it’s not construed that way.
  5. Sorry, but you owe me a cup of coffee. (Her: Why?) Now that I’ve met you and talked to you, I can’t help myself but want to learn more about you! – Cheesy, but works like a charm. Like it’s HER fault you’re interested in her. Great if you say it in a mock-hurt tone.

Why these lines work very well

These lines are cute and they’re usually very successful when you’re both in a playful mood. And provided the girl already likes you at least somewhat. They also work wonders if you’ve been teasing her throughout your conversation.

Incidentally, I consider playful and flirty teasing to be one of the most important things in seduction. And you must learn how to tease women if you want to have many successful dates. I consider teasing to be one of my secret weapons. Because it’s just so damn powerful!

Again, if you say these cutesy lines right away without first having a fun and engaging conversation with the girl — They will usually not work! 

Also, to most men, they’ll sound ridiculous. And to some, they’ll even sound incredibly needy. But guess what? Most seduction is counter-intuitive and can make little sense to men until they understand the underlying principles behind why these things work. It’s why many guys wonder why women find bad boys so attractive and don’t give “nice guys” the time of day.

If you say these lines from a place of complete self-amusement and are congruent with them. They’ll work wonders almost every single time.

That said, many women like a man with a plan; someone who’s being much more direct when asking them out. This is why it’s sometimes better to be direct than to rely on cute lines to ask a girl out.

image of asking a girl out for coffee

Direct ways to ask women out for coffee:

  1. Listen, I had a great time talking to you and you seem like a fun (interesting/cool/whatever) person. Let’s meet for coffee tomorrow. (Tuesday/next week/whenever) – Simple and direct, yet effective.
  2. Hey, I think you’re great and I’d like to get to know you better. How does coffee at 7 o’clock tomorrow sound? – Said matter-of-factly with steady and strong eye contact. You wouldn’t believe how often simply stating your intentions and available time works. If the time doesn’t suit her, you can always adjust. But don’t make it look like you’d do anything to be free at any time she accepts to meet you, because that shows desperation.
  3. You seem fun – we should go out! What are you doing this Saturday? – Don’t be vague! A lot of people say “Do you wanna go out sometime?”, which only leads to “Sure I guess” and an exchange of numbers that leads to never hearing from the girl again.
  4. I’m actually in a hurry because I have to <do one thing or another>, but I’d like to talk to you again! Give me your number and I’ll call you tomorrow! – A bit sneaky this one, unless you’re really in a hurry. But you’ll call tomorrow and set up that date.
  5. Listen, it’s been fun but I’m late for <something or other> so I really got to run now, but what are you doing on (whichever day suits you)? Let’s exchange numbers. – Again, great if you’re in a hurry. Then just exchange numbers.

The effectiveness of these lines depends on your personality

These are all great ways to ask a girl out if you want to be very direct about it. And as you can see, being both direct or cute has its uses under specific circumstances.

One shows more humour, the other shows more leading and intention. Which ones you may choose to use depends on many things. But mainly on how congruent your personality is to each of them.

Some guys like to be very direct and show strong intent. While others like to use their sense of humor, wit, and charm to seduce women. There are many ways to do this but here are the basics of how to ask a girl out in general and get a yes.

That said, the direct way very often leads to shit tests from women.

If you show your sexual and romantic intent strongly, women will want to see if you’re actually confident. Or if you’ll crumble under the pressure.

That’s where shit tests come in. Confident girls will want a confident man and they’ll surely test your strength of character. It’s simply a way for them to filter out the men who are lacking. So you must learn

how to pass any shit-tests women throw at you if you want to succeed at being very direct in seduction.

Also, when you do start getting tons of numbers from women to set up dates at a later time. You must keep in mind that barraging women with texts and phone calls will get you ghosted fast. So you need to learn how often you should text a girl and whether you should text her every day or not.

Otherwise, the numbers you get will end up being useless and you’ll simply waste your time.

The beginning of the “secret” I promised before:

Even though I tried all of these ways to ask someone out and succeeded frequently. They’re all completely random because, in truth, anything works!

As a result, these lines may seem silly, convoluted and ridiculous to some people. And those people would be right! These lines for asking women out are for complete beginners only. Even though they would undoubtedly also work for men who have tons of experience.

Here’s why:

You don’t have to know what to say when asking a girl out. You can just say ANYTHING that pops into your head to women. And if they enjoy your company up to that point, share a few laughs with you and find you to be an interesting, fun or exciting person to be around, they’ll say yes!

Conversations are never scripted, they flow naturally and in many different directions, touching tons of random topics.

If you script your conversations in advance, they’ll seem devoid of life, awkward, unimaginative and unemotional. And as we all know, EMOTIONS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING when it comes to attraction and seduction.

That’s why any man who wants to master seduction should learn how to embrace randomness.

That’s why YOU should learn how to revel in the randomness of each conversation. To ENJOY the fact that it’s going to be completely unpredictable. To strive to be as present in the moment as possible and ready for anything.

That’s how you acquire and nurture WIT. That’s how you become a sharp and witty person who can be on top of every conversation. This wit comes from experience that you forge through random conversations with other people.

So randomness is a good thing. It helps you mature quickly and learn how to be confident in any social setting, eventually.

Asking a girl for coffee the right way is all about your attitude and mindset

Get that girl out on a coffee date!
So then why did I write all of these lines above anyway? Well, first of all, these are just examples so that people see that you can pretty much say whatever you want and it will work. Even if your lines are cringy, silly, cute, or whatever else you can think of.

Seriously, you can run up to women and talk about pink elephants and invisible harmonicas. And if you make it fun and engaging, they won’t care that you’re talking about random stuff that only exists in your weird mind.

That’s because it’s all about your ATTITUDE and MINDSETS when you’re talking to women.

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Your mindset is how you see the world around you. Your attitude is how you interact with the world, according to how you see things.

Mindsets are internal, attitudes are external.

So if you, FOR EXAMPLE, have a strong mindset that you’re going to have fun together no matter what. And a positive attitude shows you believe in yourself and are a kind person who doesn’t take things personally. Then you’re going to have a great conversation. (There are tons of different mindsets and attitudes to have.)

So, the main point is to have a great conversation before using any of the lines above. And that’s exactly what I’m going to teach you about.

But sadly, some people get too nervous and too caught up in the moment, and simply freeze up. They think they need to find some romantic ways to ask girls out, or “special” ways, or even unique and grandiose ways! In the end, all this does is just add to all the pressure and work against them!

So take them and use them if you’re feeling pressure and can’t come up with something on the spot yourself. That’s it.

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Here’s Why You Don’t Need Any Lines When Asking Women Out!

Here’s the real reason why I wrote this article about how to ask a girl for coffee and get a date:

You can’t memorize every line in the world.

If you try to memorize answers for every occasion, they will feel forced and disingenuous. And women will see that you’re trying to be someone you’re not when you tell them canned lines.

You also have to stop relying on stuff like this and look inwards instead.

And you have to learn to rely on nothing more than your personality, wit, and your sense of humor to speak to women.

If you learn how to do that, you will quickly become exceptionally successful with women. However, this requires STRONG INNER GAME and a healthy self-esteem.

Let the sleeping girl lie!

I’m going to go off on quite a tangent here. But this is required reading if you want to realize why there’s so much struggle with communication between men and women.

I want to show you what implications the previous “secret” has. How and why saying just about anything will work. If you just realize a couple of things and are congruent with your words.

Remember: If you talk to girls like they’re people, just like you and me – who eat, breathe, sleep, fart and shit to survive – it will all be so much easier!

Failure to realize this crucial point remains one of the reasons why men and women struggle to communicate with each other!

So I’m here to show you an alternative. Because in today’s society, there are, unfortunately, still plenty of men who tend to generalize. And look at women as groups, not as individuals.

What’s even worse, lots of men still view women as objects and things, trophies, and property. Especially in certain religions, which are extremely harmful for the human race, as a result.

And it’s very easy to think like this, I admit. What with most of the modern media, music, and similar things in our lives constantly repeating this point, over and over.

Everything tells us that you have to be this and that, in order to attract and seduce women. That you have to do all the work, be the “chaser”, “initiator”, and “seducer.” That you have to be either rich, good-looking, have power or influence, and so on. So women will like you and want to sleep with you.

As a result, when men try to understand women as a group, they fail. Because all women are individuals, with their own likes, dislikes, wants, needs, desires and goals in life.

What works on one person doesn’t necessarily work on another

Why shouldn’t you think of women as a group? Because what may work on one girl, may not necessarily work on another. The same thing applies to men as a group as well!

This means that lines are useless! So there’s no point in memorizing them.

They will only work on some girls at some certain point when you’re congruent with those lines. If you’re not congruent with what you’re saying, you’ll fail miserably.

There’s not a single line in the world that will work on everyone!

But a LOT of men start to believe this bullshit the media tells them. They internalize it and then approach women as if they were some creature from another planet. Rather than regular people like you and me.

They don’t communicate with women as individuals, but as stereotypes. And then become increasingly confused and frustrated when things don’t work out.

It’s the same men who say “What do I say to make girls like me?”, “Do women like cars?”, “Do women like short guys?”, “Do women like <whatever>?” 

The answer is always YES and NO. Some women will like that thing, while others won’t. No matter what that particular thing is! And not understanding this crucial concept breeds a ton of insecurity!

When you’re insecure, you want to know what “the secrets to talking to women” is. And “how to ask a woman out in a cute or direct way.”

And while focusing on learning these lines and “secret techniques” that may or may not work on a specific girl. You end up not taking any chances on saying the wrong thing, ever.

You want to always know the right thing to say. But the fact is…

THERE IS NO RIGHT THING TO SAY, EVER! It’s all circumstantial.

When that insecurity manifests itself, people are so afraid of rejection that talking to others seems impossible. Because they’re afraid to say the wrong thing and screw up.

Thus, many guys end up FILTERING themselves, their thoughts and their words. They become disingenuous, inauthentic, needy, creepy and weird. And women label them as PUSSIES.

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This makes a lot of guys “play it safe,” desperate to fit in with what’s considered “the norm.” And that means trying to conform to what you think the stereotypical norms are. Even if these norms don’t fit you, personally.

This completely WRECKS or SUPPRESSES your personality. Making you sound and look like someone you’re not. Inauthentic, disingenuous. Pathetic.

If some “pick-up guru” tells you – “Go up to a girl and say this – it will work every time!“. He’d be right in the sense that it would work for him and people similar to him every time. He’d also be delusional if he really thought it would work for anyone else who doesn’t understand the underlying principles behind why what he said works.

And you’d be delusional to believe him.

It may work sometimes, it may not work another time. And it depends entirely on how congruent you are with the words you’re going to be saying.

By this, I mean if the guru is someone who’s extroverted, confident, cheeky, witty, playful, and does everything from a place of self-amusement. Then his line will pretty much always work for him. But that same line said by an introvert who’s shy, nervous, hesitant, afraid, and incongruent with it will fail utterly and miserably.

It’s not WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it as well!

Again, the attitude and mindsets behind the words

So, What Lies At The Core of This Delusion and Insecurity in Men?

According to writer and sexuality educator Franklin Veaux, the core of the problem is because there’s a lot of money to be made and power to be had in perpetuating the myth that men and women are different. There’s also tons of money to be made in raising people to be insecure rather than secure.

There are even entire businesses made around this concept.

If you can convince people that All Women Want Diamonds. You can make billions of dollars selling diamonds to men.

If you can convince people that All Men Want Beauty. You can make billions of dollars selling wrinkle cream to women.

If you can convince people that All Women Want Wealth. You can make billions of dollars selling wealth displays like Rolex watches to men.

If we taught people to be secure, many multibillion-dollar industries would lose vast amounts of money.

I’m not saying there’s a group of corporate executives getting together in a smoke-filled room cackling, “we will plot a conspiracy to keep people insecure!” It’s more subtle than that.

They notice that ads that subtly encourage insecurity sell more product. So that’s the kind of ads they develop. They notice that movies that subtly reinforce gender bias sell more tickets. So that’s the kind of movies they produce.

As a result, a lot of men try to constantly figure out “what women want.” Doing so they fail to realize that we’re not taught to see each other as individuals. We’re taught to think in terms of generalities.

This also leads to many men thinking that sleeping with women is some sort of achievement. That it’ll make their lives validated.

Some men want to sleep with many women for all the wrong reasons

Many guys end up wanting to sleep with lots of women not because they actually really want to enjoy that time and experience. But because having a lot of “notches on the belt” would somehow prove something to others. And be a thing to brag about to their friends and acquaintances.

They try to get as many girls as they can because it feeds their ego.

As a result, a lot of guys start to SEEK out only sex — and disregard women as people.

Any attractive woman they see — they want to fuck.

It doesn’t matter who she is as a person to them. It doesn’t matter if she’s good, bad, interesting, malicious, kind or even fucking evil. And that, my dear friend, is called objectifying women.

Guys who disregard women as people start to have ulterior motives every time they speak to women. And women sense this. From there, the whole difficulty to communicate begins!

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To counteract this, and to get out of this stupid, harmful and idiotic mindset. You have to talk to women without any ulterior motives like sex or validation.

You have to learn how to ask a girl for coffee in a way that feels normal and natural. Rather than being a creepy weirdo who has to memorize phrases to interact with people. And who can’t use his common sense and good judgement in the moment.

IMPORTANT: Having an ulterior motive will ruin your chances before you even begin

If you talk to girls just to simply enjoy their company and to have fun together. Then most will naturally become attracted to you.

And that’s when you won’t have to learn any direct or cute ways to ask out a girl. Because you’ll realize that ANYTHING works if you just communicate properly.

When you’re an authentic man and communicate with women genuinely. The right things to say will come into your mouth automatically.

That’s when you’ll realize that everything I wrote in the first part is completely irrelevant. And is just there to prove a point. (or to help complete beginners)

The reason behind all this is that when you stop having an ulterior motive to get laid with the girl. Then you’re automatically going to stop being desperate to please, needy, and approval-seeking.

You’ll quit doing everything possible to not mess things up in hopes to have sex with women. Which, counterintuitively, prevents you from getting laid because it makes you a tryhard.

Thinking this way clears your mind and lets your true personality shine. Because you won’t want anything out of your interactions with women besides fun and joy.

As a result, self-amusement naturally follows and flows freely. And it’s one of the most attractive qualities in people because it highly depends on your sense of humor. Which closely ties to your unique personality.

I’ll talk about self-amusement as a concept at another time, perhaps.

Desperation kills all attraction instantly

But to contrast all of this – women sense desperation easily! 

If any girl so much as gets a whiff of the fact that you’re sex-starved and want just sex from her and nothing else. If she realizes that you completely don’t care about her personality and about her as a person. She’ll never sleep with you unless she’s just out for a quick bang with anyone and has no standards.

Barring that, she’ll never go out on a date with you. No matter if you know what to ask her or all the best and “amazing ways to ask a girl out.”

Women don’t like or want you to treat them as objects. They want you to treat them as people! Plain and simple.

No self-respecting woman in her right mind will go out and sleep with a man who thinks that she’s completely irrelevant as a person. And is just a “fuk-bag” to put his dick inside, thrust, and finish.

(Well, that’s only somewhat true. I’ve met some women who want just that and nothing else, as a part of their fetish. To be used and abused. But that’s another story for another time. There are rare exceptions to everything, even this!)

Authenticity And Genuine Interest Is The Key To Success With Women!

Imagine how simple it would all be if you could just talk to girls like they’re one of your buddies.

You’d essentially never run out of things to ask a girl and to say to women in general.

It’d be so much easier to have fun, flirt, tease and enjoy each other’s company. That’s because you’d be able to talk to girls authentically and genuinely, saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. Women adore a man like that.

Then you wouldn’t even be asking yourself stuff like “How to ask a girl out for coffee?” Because the action itself would come to you very naturally. And you wouldn’t need to overthink things,.

All that this requires is a change in some core beliefs and mindsets, along with a few realizations.

I talk about this in my newsletter. Which I strongly suggest you sign up for. Because you’ll get 15 lessons on how to build a SOLID INNER GAME and healthy self-esteem. Without any marketing bullshit.

So, if you’re still wondering “Should I ask her out or not?” – Just do it.

As Wayne Gretzky says: “You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take!”

If you keep this little quote in mind when you’re talking to people. Then your life will be so much more fulfilling!

That’s why action is more important than learning any cute ways to ask a girl on a first date.

What are the results of understanding and applying all this and my other stuff?

Once you can interact well with the opposite sex, you’ll notice plenty of signs a girl likes you and wants you to make a move on her! When you notice the girl’s already into you, the clever ways to ask a girl out on a date you learn in this article will be much more effective.

Remember what I said and decide for yourself if you want to rely on my random direct and cute ways to ask a girl out. Or if you just want to wing it and improvise and learn to rely on yourself, your personality, wit, and sense of humor to sleep with as many girls as you please.

Personally, after a decade of experience, I prefer the latter option. And found that it breeds much more success than any canned line you can think of.

So now you know how to ask someone out, be it in cute or direct ways, or just by improvising! Now go and practice,because you won’t get anywhere if you don’t take action!

And once you start getting tons of dates, go get my book on how to have ridiculously successful dates by clicking the image below:

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But what about you, personally? How do you ask a girl out when the time comes? What lines or methods have you tried that brought you the most consistent success? Do you rely on pickup lines and go straight for the kill. Or do you first talk to the girl and get her interested in you?

I’m interested in knowing your thoughts and opinions on this. So you’re welcome to share your experiences in the comments below! Let’s talk.

And if you want updates when I post more content on dating and seduction, then you should follow me on Facebook here.

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saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.

7 Comments

  1. November 24, 2016
    Reply

    Ƭhanks , I’ve just been searching for information about this sᥙbject for a ⅼong time and yours is the greatest I’ve
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  2. November 24, 2016
    Reply

    Appreciate tҺis post. Will try it out.

  3. Anonymous
    October 3, 2017
    Reply

    I actually really like the one where you say: “Quick question, I have been talking to this girl… Do you think I should ask her out?” Likely not realizing it is HER your talking about, she says “OF COURSE!” You then ask her out. At that point she basically would have to say yes to you.
    You are getting her to tell you to ask her out!
    FLAWLESS!

    • saulisdating
      October 3, 2017
      Reply

      Yeah, it’s a great little line that you can say which more often than not works in your favor 🙂

  4. Anonymous
    May 20, 2018
    Reply

    So, if I ask in an indirect way and im a flirtatious guy what will she think/what should I do?

    • saulisdating
      June 12, 2018
      Reply

      If you’re a flirtatious guy, she’ll pick this up from your manner of speech and how you behave yourself, so she’ll understand that you’re interested in her. Unless she really dislikes you for some reason, she won’t think anything bad. What should you do? Continue the conversation if it’s going well and have fun with her.

  5. Dat Man
    December 20, 2018
    Reply

    Good tips, just be lighthearted and not overly serious and it usually goes a lot better

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