How to become more attractive.

Pre-Selection and Social Proof are two massively important concepts that can help you become significantly more attractive to women, if you learn how to utilize them.

So let’s start with the most obvious thing: Yes, having a girlfriend makes guys a great deal more attractive to other women.

That’s because women are subconsciously attracted to men who are taken.

One of the biggest attraction killers for girls is a guy who is desperate, needy, clingy and displays certain approval-seeking behaviors. Read why approval-seeking behavior is destroying your chances with women.

Trust me, there’s nothing worse than a desperate guy. The instant a girl realizes that some guy will do ANYTHING to please her – he’s out – and she’ll never become attracted to him.

This is vital to understand if you want to know how to become more attractive to women in general.

When a girl sees that you’re desperate to be with her, she will understand that she already has you – and will not become interested anymore.

But why is that exactly?

Because there’s no more challenge left in it. She has already won you over. You will do everything to please her, to have the best possible date, to not scare her off – and that is utterly and completely unattractive to the vast majority of women. You completely gave your power away, and you’re now nothing more than a dog to her. A dog who follows her around like a loyal bodyguard, but a dog nonetheless. The man will be gone!

And women want a MAN. Not a boy.

Why Pre-Selection and Social Proof are important

Men who are taken act and speak differently when around girls than men who are single – they exude calmness, confidence and they don’t desperately look for sex.

They don’t need or seek approval from other girls trying to get sex, because they already have a girlfriend and can get laid whenever they want to.

This completely frees up the mind, and lets guys be closer to who they truly are. They become more honest, genuine and authentic when talking to other girls, since they don’t care about pleasing anymore or what the girls think of them!

They also tend to not take their conversations and interactions with other girls too seriously, because they have nothing to gain from them, and nothing to lose.

This aloofness and disinterest sparks massive attraction! It opens up the gates to your personality.

When you’re no longer worried about pleasing a girl – your true self will shine!

It automatically makes those guys “hard to get”, and many women want what they can’t have.

These guys unconsciously start to display characteristics of a sex-worthy man. A man who is naturally and effortlessly attractive to women.

This all happens because women tend to be significantly more socially aware than guys, and they pick up on certain social cues with ease – so they can spot a sex-worthy guy right away.

That’s exactly why having a girlfriend makes guys massively more attractive to other women. It changes their subconscious behavior and mentality from one of scarcity – to one of abundance.

Ironically, it lets you find a girlfriend much more easily than before – because all of the pressure is suddenly gone and you’re like a new man! But you already have a girlfriend, so you won’t tend to use this new-gained knowledge and awareness until you become single again. Or if you want to cheat or have a threesome with your girlfriend.

This is such an underrated concept, but if you internalize it – you can start changing your core beliefs and mindsets to incorporate this feeling and lifestyle to become incredibly successful with women and girls.


The fact that you’re “chosen” by another female speaks volumes to other girls.

They know that you have something about you that makes other girls want to be with you – so they automatically become more attracted to you in general.

There was a paper published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology called Who’s chasing whom? The impact of gender and relationship status on mate poaching

In it, the following results were concluded:

“Are women more interested in men who are already in a relationship? Female and male participants who were single or in a relationship viewed information about an opposite-sex other and indicated their interest in pursuing this target. Half of the participants were told that the target was single and half read that the target was currently in a relationship. The results showed that only single women were more interested in pursuing an attached target rather than a single target. We discuss how these results add to what is already known about mate-poaching.”

So it ties closely with the concept of Mate Poaching.

Single women prefer guys who are taken, because those guys are already Pre-Selected by other women and thus are a “safe bet”.

That’s because of a widely-known fact that for guys, sex is casual, cheap and doesn’t necessarily have to tie them down to someone.

For women, sex is potentially very costly, because if you get pregnant, you are kind of stuck with it. Pregnant women become tied down to their partners.

That’s why women prefer and are attracted to guys who are taken, or in this case Pre-Selected – because of the security of the baby.

This is actually a very complicated subject with immense implications, and I’m only scratching the surface here!

Social Proof

Other people see that you’re successful with people, and they automatically think that you’re a fun, interesting and exciting person to be around.

And why wouldn’t you be? You’re surrounded by girls and guys who enjoy your company.

That’s all the social proof that you need for people who see you to want to talk to you.

Become more successful with women

Apply the concepts of Pre-selection & being taken

That’s the million dollar question right there!

You now know that Social Proof and Preselection are incredibly important and are probably wondering how you can apply this knowledge to become a more attractive person.

And the answer to the question is – you can incorporate this knowledge to change your mindset about girls and dating.

You re-wire your brain to start believing certain things about yourself and how the world works.

Then, if you’re successful in doing that, you can go on dates from a position of power and abundance, not of scarcity and meekness. As a result, you become less desperate to please girls and women, or even people in general. You don’t look at sex as something scarce anymore – which in itself is incredibly beneficial to making you not act like a creepy weirdo on dates!

You approach women and go into conversations with girls thinking “Hmm, you seem very attractive, but I want to know who you are as a person first!”, instead of “How do I not screw this date up?” or “How do I make her like me?”.

You become more secure in yourself and less eager to please people, less eager to give your power away, and you tend to get over your desperation for sex.

It opens your mind up to the concept of being the chooser!

This means that when you approach women you find attractive you’ll be thinking something along the lines of: “Hmm, you’re hot, but are you a good person underneath all those amazing looks? Let’s find out!”

Exterior is important, but the interior is what really makes or breaks it if you want a long-term relationship – and you can’t find that out without approaching and talking to the girl and seeing what she’s like.

There’s even an amusing joke that goes along with it – “I found her to be the most attractive woman on the planet… until she opened her mouth.”

Incidentally, this applies to men as well, since there are many pretty boys out there with personalities reminiscent of door-knobs!

So if you go in with that mindset and try to figure out if that pretty girl is also a great person, you’ll always be coming in from a position of power and not from desperation. That is a VERY powerful mindset to learn and apply if you want to be phenomenally successful with women. Girls feel it when a guy has high standards and will not date just anyone because he’s not desperate.

It ties in closely to the concept of qualification, too. But that’ a topic for another time!

How do I change my mindset?

There’s no switch in your brain that you can flip to instantly change mindsets.

So the key problem with this is that you have to experience this feeling to know what to do. You have to first get a girlfriend to understand all the implications, emotions and concepts that I just described.

You can’t learn something without first experiencing it first-hand.

Then, after you have experienced it, you have to go out and reinforce that experience, as much as you can.

This is where practice comes in. You establish and solidify these concepts and turn them into your mindsets by approaching girls and acting in that non-desperate way and seeing how well it works!

Mindsets don’t change overnight unless something life-changing happens which forces that change. That’s why normally mindsets change slowly, gradually, over time, given enough experience and having accrued enough reference points to set those experiences in stone and burn them into your mind.

This may sound like complete mambo-jumbo, but it’s pretty much how you re-wire your brain to be different.

So now you have to take action, go and apply this knowledge and get that all-important experience!

How to find a girlfriend.

Do you really NEED one? As soon as you think you need a girlfriend – you start acting desperately. It’s great to want a girlfriend, but needing one opens you up to failure before you even start.

So instead of thinking that you need a girlfriend, instead of needing another person to complete yourself – start thinking that you want to ENCOURAGE a girl to like you naturally.

Thinking these sorts of things are another way to gradually change your mindsets and your behaviour.

It’s a long process of gradually changing your way of thinking and your outlook on dating and being successful with women in general.

So then what do you do? What if you want a girlfriend?

Wanting one is great – it encourages action and makes you want to start changing yourself to go and attract one.

If you want to learn how to do all this, I strongly encourage you to read my following article: How to Approach, Talk to Girls, and Get a Girlfriend

Hope this broadens your horizons and opens your mind to new possibilities.

As always, thanks for reading, and share this knowledge if you found it useful!

So have you personally noticed this phenomenon? Did you have any positive or negative experiences with displaying pre-selection and social proof?

Write your experiences and thoughts in the comments below and let’s discuss them!


If you’re interested in learning how to become successful with women and get your love life handled – it’s all in my book at


saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.

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