I get lots of questions from guys who want to learn how to ask a girl out so that she’ll enthusiastically say yes!
And that’s exactly what I’ll show you how to do in this article.
Because let’s face it – we’ve all been there!
We went about our day and suddenly saw a stunning girl who instantly grabbed our attention. And all we wanted to do was to ask her out!
Unfortunately, most guys can’t seem to muster up the courage to do that because walking up and asking women out can be a terrifying experience!
But why is that – and how do you ask a girl out in the best possible way so that she actually wants to say yes, and then looks forward to her date with you?
That’s exactly what I’m here to show you – I’ll give you some proven tips on how to ask a girl out in a way that will significantly increase your chances of success and make the whole experience as pleasant and as memorable as possible for the both of you.
Table of Contents
- 1 What not to do when asking a girl out…
- 2 Start with the basics of attraction and seduction
- 3 1 – Start with a simple mindset.
- 4 2 – Tease Her and Flirt!
- 5 3 – Don’t become the “nice guy”.
- 6 4 – Get to Know Each Other a Little
- 7 5 – How to Ask a Girl Out and Get a Yes!
- 8 Why Rejection is Awesome
- 9 Success demands action
What not to do when asking a girl out…
Like a lot of guys, you’re probably thinking of going up to her, asking certain questions to get to know her, find out who she is, where she’s from, what she does, and then tell her a little about yourself.
You never disagree with her, hang onto every word she utters, make sure that everything is as perfect as it can be, and hope that she doesn’t reject you.
You basically treat her like a princess and put her up on a pedestal!
You may even make her laugh a couple of times and think that things couldn’t go any better.
And then you wait. While worrying what she thinks of you.
And what happens next?
When you finally work up the courage to ask her out – she says something along the lines of “I’m not really interested in dating anyone right now”.
Or, what’s even worse: “Oh, you’re so sweet, but I don’t really see you in that way – I only like you as a friend…”
She may even throw in those two words that every guy dreads – You’re such a “nice guy!” and we should definitely stay friends!.
And what do you do?
You reply with “Sure! I’d love to be friends!” while crying internally and wishing you’d just plummet through the ground right now and avoid all of this.
But wait – there’s more!
After a while – maybe a few days or weeks later – some other guy comes along, some “Bad boy” who doesn’t give a damn about her. And she’s all over him and starts dating him.
“WHYYYYYYYYYYY? I thought I did everything right! Why would she choose to be with that asshole over me?” – you cry.
And then you go home and masturbate, consumed by self-pity, thinking of all the things that could have been, if only she’d want to go on a date with you. You may even start to think that you’re a worthless piece of shit, a total loser, and that there’s something wrong with you!
All while he’s boinking her in every possible way.
Don’t worry. Most guys have been there.
I feel your pain because I’ve been there too.
For the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this happens – and I didn’t have a clue how to ask a girl out on a date and get a resounding YES.
But then I decided to change – I thought to myself that enough was enough – and that no matter what it takes, I’ll get this thing handled.
That was about 10 years ago!
During that time, I’ve been on thousands of dates, approached, talked to, flirted with, and had fun with thousands of women – and figured it all out.
And the fundamental thing that you need to understand is that most guys’ view of dating, success with women, and attraction and seduction in general – is DEAD WRONG!
Did your father ever teach you about success with women? Most fathers don’t. Did your siblings, peers, teachers, mentors, and other influential people in your life teach you how to ask a girl out so that she says yes? And then what to do on that date?
I seriously doubt that.
And even if someone did – they probably told you to “just be yourself, treat them nice, and eventually you’ll find true love” or some such fairy tale bullshit – and not how to ask a girl out and then sleep with her.
That’s exactly why most men don’t know what works and what doesn’t when it comes to success with women, as well as attraction and seduction. No one’s bothered to teach them properly!
Finding out everything by yourself and then learning all of that usually takes YEARS. It requires a lot of time and effort!
So let me be the one to show you how things work.
Each step below will explain the concept, and then contain a link to another article that explains everything in much greater detail.
Consider all of this combined as a full course on how to ask a girl out and get a yes – it will shave off years of learning and save you a lot of time experimenting.
Start with the basics of attraction and seduction
Unless you look like Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, or other similar heartthrobs – you won’t be able to get girls without first investing in improving yourself as a person, developing your personality and honing your social skills.
No one’s born socially confident, and everyone has to learn social skills. Those who are blessed with handsome looks have it easier in the beginning – but those who learn the necessary skills and develop certain attractive character traits are going to have a much better time in the end.
That’s because looks only go so far – and most handsome men end up relying solely on that, instead of further investing in themselves and developing their personalities.
There are, of course, exceptions – who naturally pick up all the necessary skills and develop massively attractive character traits on their own while growing up – and we call these guys Naturals.
If you want to know what attractive character traits I’m talking about – I list them here: The Main Attractive Character Traits That Make Men Irresistible to Women!
I’ll show you how to become a natural through learning.
So, now that you know what separates successful men from those who never get laid – let me show you how to ask a girl out that will work for everyone, provided that you have the courage to follow through, and the understanding behind why it works.
In short, it’s all about chemistry. Creating a spark that builds some romantic and sexual tension – and building on it.
1 – Start with a simple mindset.
When you meet and approach that stunning girl who caught your eye – start off with a simple “Hello!”
A lot of guys make the critical mistake of coming on too strong way too early.
They are too eager and show too much interest – which is strange in itself because they don’t actually know anything about the girl yet, other than the fact that she looks amazing and that they like her because of that!
They go up to the girl and say cringy stuff like “Oh you’re so beautiful, want to go on a date with me?”, or “Hello, you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen! Can I have your number?”, and so on.
And the girl instantly loses any respect or interest towards such a guy!
Most end up musing “Why would he even think that I’m the best girl in the world if he doesn’t even know me yet? He must be shallow and just goes by looks. NEXT!”.
She replies with “No thanks”, or “I have a boyfriend” and moves on.
And she’s right to do that – because you just came out of the blue and she doesn’t even know you!
It’s the equivalent of someone going up to you and saying “Hey you look good – give me an hour of your life and we’ll talk, and maybe we’ll end up liking each other!?”
Why would you ever accept something like that?
I know you wouldn’t, so why would you assume that girls will? They value their time as much as you value yours!
That’s not how to ask a girl out! Asking out a girl like that will get you nowhere fast!
So here’s what you do:
Before EVERY new approach – implement the following mindset: “Hmm, you look great – but are you actually a nice, fun, interesting, and kind person underneath those gorgeous looks? Let’s find out!”
Or pick qualities that are important to YOU.
That little thought will significantly improve any initial interaction with pretty much any girl that you meet, if you internalize it! You will stop being desperate and needy, and nip any approval-seeking behavior in the bud!
You will be walking up to women and talking to them like they’re PEOPLE, and not objects or trophies. Like people who eat, sleep, breathe, shit, fart and do other similar things to survive – just like you and me.
How can you put someone on a pedestal after you realize this? That’s right, you can’t – and your whole subconscious behavior when talking to girls will change – once you internalize this and other crucial mindsets.
So start off with a simple “Hi!” – and think of the conversation as a two way street – that you’re both trying to figure out if you’re people who have their shit together, and don’t go by just looks.
Also, if the girl is someone who you see often, either due to your work, studies, training, etc. – start by saying “Hello” to her each day, and have small conversations with her, without any ulterior motives, each time you pass by.
She’ll start viewing you as someone who’s friendly, sociable, and comfortable talking to other people.
This is the best way if you want to learn how to ask a girl out in middle school, high school, college, gym, or anywhere else where you meet her often.
Next comes the most important part.
However, if you want a more in-depth explanation of this section: How to approach, talk to girls, and get a girlfriend! All these linked articles are much more valuable than this main one – since they explain everything in detail.
2 – Tease Her and Flirt!
This is where you create that spark and chemistry.
Teasing is a part of flirting, and it seems counter-intuitive to many people!
They think “Why would I want to intentionally ruffle her feathers or make fun of her? She’ll hate me for that and get mad!”
And that’s where you’re massively wrong – she’ll LOVE you for it, if you do it right!
It all goes back to when we were kids, running around in the playground, pulling each other’s hair, telling jokes, making jabs at everyone, and having fun.
When you tease girls, you display several incredibly attractive qualities and showcase your personality and wit. That’s because teasing depends entirely on your sense of humor!
The point of teasing is to get someone emotionally affected by you. And guess what – emotions are the main currency of attraction!
That’s the key which creates lasting chemistry, sparks her attraction in you, and makes all of your interactions with girls fun and memorable! As long as you do it in a cheeky, non-intrusive and not mean-spirited way.
It all has to stem from self-amusement, and not to intentionally hurt the other person’s feelings!
I strongly suggest that you learn all about teasing here: How to Tease a Girl and Why Teasing on Dates is Massively Important!
Make sure to tease and flirt with the girls you’re talking to – and they’ll always remember you fondly.
If you had to learn only one thing from all of this – learn teasing! I can’t emphasize this enough – it’s the most important thing if you want to understand how to ask a girl out and succeed. And then have a great date!
3 – Don’t become the “nice guy”.
Why do women love bad boys so much?
What separates the winners from the losers?
First of all – don’t fall into the trap that women like bad people – because they don’t! Women like people who treat them with kindness, respect, and courtesy.
But don’t assume that you have to always please girls, do whatever they want, always be nice, and never disagree! That, along with never stating your intentions, is the fast track to “friend-zone land”!
If all you do is be nice to women, always be there for them, and support them emotionally, they’ll definitely like you – but only as a friend.
Women don’t respect guys who are afraid to offend them. Women are never attracted to guys who always seek their approval, aim to please, and make sure that everything’s “perfect”.
That creates zero sparks, zero chemistry, and zero attraction.
Women like men who have an edge – who have clear boundaries, and who don’t consider the girl to be above them, or “of higher value” just because they look good.
This simply means that you should talk to women like they are people – just like you and me.
You may notice that treating women like people is a recurring theme in all of my articles. That’s because it’s one of the most important things that you have to realize and then internalize if you want to become massively successful with girls and great at seducing women.
So when talking to anyone – make sure to stand your ground. Make your opinions clear. Disagree with girls when you think they’re wrong about something. Make fun of the silly and uncool things that they do – just like you’d do with your BUDDY.
This alone will set you apart from millions of men who don’t realize that you don’t have to kiss ass every time you talk to women.
Don’t be afraid to offend, don’t be afraid to disagree, don’t fear rejection – and you’ll go far.
For an in-depth explanation – read this: Why do women like bad boys and don’t respect nice guys?
It is one of the most important articles if you want to realize why you fail where “bad boys” succeed.
They are simply unafraid to live life and understand that rejection is natural and normal. They intuitively know how to ask a girl out – because they’ve done it hundreds of times and failed a lot in the process.
4 – Get to Know Each Other a Little
This is the time to see if you have any interests in common.
Talk about your likes and dislikes, what your favorite music, movies, TV and books are – and see what clicks.
These are all easy and broad subjects that everyone enjoys – and you’re bound to hit something that you both like.
However, this is NOT the time to get to know her on a deeper level.
Save that stuff for the first date – because that’s the perfect time and place to connect with one another, before creating sexual tension and sleeping together.
Not when you’re approaching her, not during the initial conversation – but after you flirt with her and tease her, and she becomes attracted to you.
That’s another crucial step in becoming successful with women.
Don’t start with all the boring interview questions when she isn’t even attracted to you – it will only BORE HER TO DEATH.
However, once she already likes you and thinks that you’re great – she’ll share everything with you – even her deepest and darkest secrets, if you ask the right questions and share something about yourself as well!
That’s where you build commonality, massive rapport, and connect with her so that she likes you even more and feels very comfortable around you.
For a full lesson on that – go to First date questions – What to ask her and talk about on first dates?
Oh, and for the love of all that’s sacred and decent – DON’T ASK SHIT YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT!
Why would you ask someone something that you don’t care about? What’s the POINT of asking questions like “So what type of shoes do you like?” if you’re not then PREPARED to listen to her talk about shoes for an hour?
Remember one of the core attractive character traits I talk about in another post:
- Authenticity – When you don’t pretend to like things that you don’t like, or feign interest in things that are not interesting to you, just to try to impress other people.
Remember that, and internalize it! If you do, all of your conversations will be that much better.
5 – How to Ask a Girl Out and Get a Yes!
Up to this point, if you’ve done the above correctly – including teasing and flirting – this is when to ask a girl out!
And guess what, by this time she’ll already think that you’re great – and she’ll naturally want to meet you and get to know you better.
That’s because you gave her an actual reason to WANT to go on a date with you. You’ve enjoyed each other’s company, shown her that you’re someone who wants to get to know her not just because of her looks, but because you’re also interested in her as a person, and that you’re very fun to be around!
You’ve also shown her that you’re NOT someone who only aims to please her, who doesn’t have his own opinions and who won’t stand up for yourself because you’re afraid to lose her.
You also teased her, flirted with her, ruffled her feathers and sparked tons of different emotions that create lots of attraction. Asking her out becomes a piece of cake now!
The best way to ask a girl out is to show her that you’ll both have fun if you go on a date. Teasing her and flirting with her will accomplish all that.
If she’s still talking to you up to this point – all you have to do is man up and say those magic words “You seem like a fun person – let’s go do <whatever>! I’ll pick you up at <whenever> – we’ll have loads of fun!”
Or something similar – the content itself doesn’t matter. What to say when asking a girl out is irrelevant.
And also, your rate of success will be much higher if you don’t actually ask her out – but state that you two are going to have fun and should go do something together.
Don’t be someone who’s asking the standard questions: “Would you like to go on a date?, or “Want to go out sometime?”, or “Can I have your number?”
Be a man who has the courage to lead and the confidence to assume success.
And don’t worry, by the time you propose to meet up for a date, if you did all of the above correctly and she’s a girl who’s single and isn’t opposed to dating right now – she’ll say yes the vast majority of the time.
However, she’s also free to say no – and you should realize that both of these outcomes are perfectly fine!
Why Rejection is Awesome
Men who are successful with women realize this one vital point – no matter what you do, not everyone’s going to like you!
Rejection is a normal and natural part of life! At least you get to know where you stand with her, and move on to the next girl.
Rejection is great, in fact, because it’s a wonderful opportunity for you to learn as well. The more you get rejected – the faster you learn!
It lets you take a look back at what you did and figure out where things went right or wrong.
Maybe it was your approach, your execution, your attitude, your body language, your eye contact, gestures, creepy stare, lack of focus, not listening enough, blabbering too much, and so on and so forth.
Identify those mistakes, learn from them, and make your next approach and interaction much better!
And remember, if you want to learn how to ask a girl out – it’s all about your actions – not the content of your words.
You don’t need to learn lines, routines, gimmicks to know how to ask for a girls number. If she feels great around you – she’ll give it to you herself. The only “line” I ever use is “Let’s exchange numbers”. Never used anything else.
Don’t look for any creative, best, or romantic ways to ask a girl out either – learn to tease, flirt, and have fun, enjoyable and interesting conversations with women and just be direct when asking them out later.
Then work out the logistics, exchange contact information – and go meet up!
Then, once you meet up, read this to learn what to do to ultimately succeed and seduce the girl: How to Attract Women and Seduce Girls on Your Date!
Success demands action
So what were the ways that you tried to approach women and ask them out for a date? Did they work?
Share your thoughts in the comments below and I’ll give you some feedback!
This is only the tip of the iceberg – the bare basics. Everyone can learn the necessary steps on how to ask a girl out – but only a few people will have the will and the confidence to go through with it.
Read all the linked articles in every step, because they explain everything you need to know in much greater depth – and are far more valuable than this article.
If you want to learn how to develop your personality, social skills, attractive character traits, masculinity, confidence, and everything else that it takes to be successful with women – I strongly suggest you sign up for my Inner Game Newsletter.
It will help you swiftly deal with your insecurities, self-esteem issues, and other psychological problems and barriers which cause massive self-doubt, anxiety, and fear that stop you in your tracks. Plus, it’s completely FREE – most articles are 2500-4000 words with actual practical techniques that you can start doing today. And I don’t spam you with sales offers.
If you want to learn the more practical stuff – and specifically how to consistently get laid on the first date by spiking massive attraction, building comfort, rapport, and then creating strong sexual tension – go grab my book at http://www.saulisdating.com
Learning how to ask a girl out is one thing – you also have to know what to do on the first date.