If you’re constantly wondering why girls don’t like you and can’t figure out what you’re doing that’s so unattractive to them, then I’ll help you out.
You see, plenty of guys are clueless about women and behave in strange and weird ways around them. And then they write me questions like “Why don’t women like me and what can I do about it?!”
Truth be told, it’s often quite difficult to take an objective look at yourself and identify the problems and issues you may have that make you unattractive to the opposite sex.
That’s why I’ll show you a list of reasons why you may be striking out with the women you meet in your life. And why they usually have no interest in you as a lover, boyfriend, husband or even a friend with benefits.
Table of Contents
- 1 Top Reasons Why Girls Don’t Like You Are Usually Both Internal And External
- 1.1 1) You’re boring and not fun to be around
- 1.2 2) You’re desperate or desperately want to please
- 1.3 3) Women won’t like you if you can’t take rejection like a man
- 1.4 4) Girls won’t like you if you’re overly negative and toxic
- 1.5 5) You’re needy and you put women on pedestals
- 1.6 6) You don’t actually respect women as human beings
- 1.7 7) You have ulterior motives and women see you have bad intentions
- 1.8 8) Your looks and appearance
- 2 Women won’t want to date you if you lack attractive manly qualities
Top Reasons Why Girls Don’t Like You Are Usually Both Internal And External
First of all, the biggest reason why girls don’t like you IS NOT YOUR LOOKS. It’s usually your behavior. And that involves both your actions and how you carry yourself.
You see, apart from your mindsets and attitude, the way you talk, move your body, smile, look at people and how you carry yourself in general says a lot more about you than words ever could.
In other words, your body language tells women everything they need to know about you before you even open your mouth.
What’s more, all of your mannerisms, facial expressions and body movements sub-communicate a massive amount of information about you. And since women tend to be much more socially aware and acute than men are, they often pick up on these signals quite quickly.
Honestly, some women can size up a man in less than 3 seconds and decide if they’ll ever want to sleep with him or not. Or if he’s someone worth getting to know and connect with.
So if you carry yourself like a creepy weirdo, or if you’re timid, meek and unsure of yourself, then it’s no wonder why women don’t like you. They see that you lack confidence and belief in yourself. Especially beautiful women of quality who interact with a lot of men.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. So let’s get on with the list of reasons why women don’t find you attractive and don’t like to hang out with you.
1) You’re boring and not fun to be around
One of the top reasons why women might not like you is if you’re someone who’s boring and not fun to be around.
Imagine the following: You get into a conversation with a woman who you want to go on a date with and you just awkwardly stand there, not knowing what to say or do. Or you’re asking her tons of boring, interview-like questions that you don’t even care about yourself.
You might even start talking about the weather, work, politics and similar “small talk” topics that no one is really interested in. And after you exhaust these empty topics, the conversation ends with you not really talking about anything of substance. So there’s no connection, no spark, no interest or attraction at all.
You see, when you’re learning how to approach a woman or when you’re on a date, your focus should be to get to know the person and TO HAVE FUN. Because if women see that you’re no fun at all or they feel like you’re boring them to death, they won’t like you.
One of the biggest reasons why men suddenly lose the ability to have fun around women they’re interested in is because they stifle themselves. They’re afraid to show their authentic self and let loose and behave around women like they do around their buddies. Telling jokes, teasing them, shooting the shit, talking about topics of substance, sharing ideas, opinions, beliefs, and more.
So one of the secrets to overcome this issue is to imagine that you’ve already slept with the girl you’re talking to. Simply imagine how you’d act if all the pressure was suddenly off – and then act that way!
When you behave around beautiful women like you’ve known them forever, like they were your buddies, your conversations will become much more engaging and interesting. But this requires a lot of work on your inner game (mental skills). Because a lot of men are intimidated by women and are afraid to do this.
Which brings me to my next point:
2) You’re desperate or desperately want to please
I say this so many times in so many of my articles, I’m starting to sound like a broken record. But one of the BIGGEST and MOST UNATTRACTIVE things a man can show is Desperation.
I’m talking about being desperate in general and also desperately trying to please women.
I’ve said this phrase hundreds of times – desperation reeks like a cheap perfume. And women notice it right away and react strongly to it, and extremely negatively.
So let me put it to rest once and for all: If you don’t have a girlfriend or lover and are living a sexless life, then the absolute worst thing you can do is show women that you’re desperate for sex and affection. Because once a woman sees this, she’ll lose any and all attraction towards you in an instant. And you’ll never have a chance with her, by default.
So if you ARE, in fact, desperate, then DO NOT SHOW IT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
No one needs to know that you’ve never had a girlfriend or haven’t had sex in years. That’s too much information and completely irrelevant.
Do not even mention to women things like “I haven’t had sex in years” or “I really want a girlfriend and I’ll do anything to get one.” Because speaking this way is a big reason why girls don’t like you and other men who do this. (If you do this, obviously.)
When guys are being desperate around women, they tend to go all out trying to make everything perfect during the conversation. Or even the first date.
They avoid disagreeing with the girl, they steer clear of challenging conversations and keep their opinions to themselves. Flirting, playfully teasing women and having fun with them becomes almost impossible because of the fear of losing the girl.
Guys who do this are constantly walking on egg-shells, thinking they won’t get another shot if they somehow screw up the conversation.
If you find yourself doing this, it’s time to hit the brakes! Because you’re not doing yourself any favors and are instead self-sabotaging your interactions with women. It’s incredibly difficult to have a fun, interesting or exciting date or conversation when you’re inside this self-defeating mindset.
I talk more about this in my definitive guide to a great first date. But the key to get over this issue is to adopt a more laid-back mindset – such as “Whatever happens, happens.” Or “I see that you’re beautiful, but are you a nice person? Will we have fun hanging out? Let’s find out!” Or even “I’m here to see if we’d click and connect and if you’re someone I’d like to possibly date.”
You need to go into conversations with women without any hidden agendas. Such as you wanting sex and nothing else from these women. And these mindsets really help turn your interactions from win-lose to win-win. Which is something most women will appreciate. And girls will like you for doing this.
Your goal must be to to genuinely get to know her. If things click between the two of you, then that’s awesome! And if not, you must handle rejection gracefully, move on, and remember there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Speaking of which…
3) Women won’t like you if you can’t take rejection like a man
I have a whole separate article on how to deal with rejection and beat approach anxiety which explains this topic in full.
But I’ll go over a couple of things very briefly here anyway. Just to make a point that not handling rejection well is incredibly unattractive.
Not only that, it’s extremely bad for your mental health as well as self-esteem.
Yes, you read it correctly – YOU NOT HANDLING REJECTION WELL IS DESTROYING your Self-Esteem.
So if you’re asking yourself questions like “Why don’t girls like me?” then try to remember how you handle rejection. Chances are pretty good you’re not handling it well. Because most men (and people in general) have a problem with it.
Let’s face it – rejection HURTS and getting rejected feels really, really bad.
And I often see men handle it in the following two ways: They either shut down completely and lose all hope and confidence. Or they become pissed and lash out at women. Calling them names. insulting them, or even threatening them. Which is something “Nice Guys™” often do, who are only pretending to be nice to get into women’s pants.
The first way is bad because you’re being your own worst enemy and making things significantly worse for yourself by dwelling on it. The key is to realize that REJECTION IS ACTUALLY NORMAL AND NATURAL. It’s also GOOD FOR YOU.
People face rejection all the time in dating, relationships, business, and various social activities. It’s a normal and natural part of life. You’re asking someone for something or to do something – and the other person is ALWAYS FREE TO SAY NO. And not taking that “No” well is just… moronic.
Nobody owes anything to anyone. All we can do is just ask. And we must face a positive or a negative answer with equal dignity and full acceptance. Which is a sign of MATURITY.
Basically, if you can’t take rejection well, it’s a huge red flag that shows you are IMMATURE.
And if you get pissed at women for it, it’s incredibly counter-productive.
Not only do you learn from each and every rejection and improve yourself. But if you get butthurt, you’ll eventually start resenting women and it will turn you into an incel – someone who’s involuntarily celibate not by their choice.
Rejection gives you a good opportunity to reassess your self and your approach. To figure out if what you’re doing is good or not. So you can learn from the experience and improve. And YOU CANNOT IMPROVE WITHOUT FAILURE.
And if you lash out at women because you can’t take rejection well, all it does is fill you with poison. You are literally POISONING YOURSELF by being a toxic little bitch. Which will negatively affect all of your subsequent interaction with women and make everything so much worse, the more you do it. And if you do it en0ugh, you’ll enter a downward spiral of negativity and self-loathing, which is incredibly difficult to get out of.
Which brings me to the next point why women don’t like you
4) Girls won’t like you if you’re overly negative and toxic
Let’s face it, nobody likes hanging out with people who are toxic and negative. So if you have a negative attitude, you’re not going to do well and the vast majority of women won’t like you and won’t feel any attraction towards you.
So if you constantly complain about things, whine, whinge and moan about yourself and your life, you better take a real long and hard look at yourself and re-asses your entire life. Because you’re going to end up miserable and alone, and it’ll be all your fault if and when you do.
The cure for this is to grow the fuck up, stop playing the victim and take full responsibility for yourself and your life. Then do everything you can to make it better.
You need to develop the desire to change, which is the key to growth in all areas of life. And then you need to work on yourself and your inner game to change all the negative automatic thought patterns and beliefs you have in your head.
That’s very difficult to do if you don’t know how. But I provide several solutions in my Inner Game Course which you can get a free version of by signing up for my newsletter.
Then it’s all about developing positive habits, trying to live in the moment, and finding other positive people to hang out with.
And if you think this is too hard or too much trouble, then it’s pointless asking yourself questions like “Why don’t girls like me?” Because developing yourself will always take a lot of effort. And if you’re not ready to put in the work, you’ll live a miserable life.
So if you’re someone who’s in a constant negative state and an “energy vampire” who leeches other’s positivity and bogs them down with negativity, you’ve got a lot of work to do. And it may be a big reason why women don’t like you and don’t enjoy your company.
5) You’re needy and you put women on pedestals
Another big reason why women don’t like men is neediness.
But the general gist is this: Validation-seeking behavior is very off-putting.
When you put others opinions above your own, when you don’t trust yourself and your own worth, and when you seek approval everywhere you go, it shows you’re very insecure. And a man who’s rife with insecurities is not an attractive man and not someone who women like.
Often being needy translates to putting women on pedestals and trying to impress them. Because men erroneously think that it’s a good way for women to validate their existence and effort. Which is, unfortunately, very far from the real truth.
The real truth why it’s very bad to put women on pedestals is because it objectifies and dehumanizes them. I write a lot about this in my article where I talk about how plenty of men think beautiful women are out of their league.
Make sure to read all the linked articles in this entire post as I link them for a very good reason. When you do, you’ll get a very good understanding of women, social dynamics and you’ll have much more success with women than you currently do.
Which brings me to another important point of why women might not like you.
6) You don’t actually respect women as human beings
Quick question – How many attractive female friends do you have?
I’ll venture a guess and say that you don’t have many women who you’re friends with. Just friends, mind you, and not someone who you actually want to have sex with.
I’m not talking about the friend-zone here. Where you tell women who don’t find you attractive that you want to be their friend, but you still secretly want to fuck them.
I’m talking about REAL friends. Someone you actually enjoy hanging out with but don’t actively try to sleep with.
One? Several? ZERO?
Most men have ZERO attractive female friends who are single and ready to mingle. But why is that?
Because most men care only about having sex with women and don’t really want to hang out with them, connect with them on a deeper level, get to really know them, and just enjoy their personality and company.
This translates to men being afraid of women. Because tons of men are NOT USED TO HANGING OUT WITH WOMEN.
That’s why you should try your best to connect with women emotionally, without any ulterior motives, regardless of sexual attraction.
You won’t believe how much your seduction game will change for the better. Once you actually start looking at women simply as people. And then connect with them emotionally, hang out with them, and treat them as a normal buddy.
It’s one of the reasons why men who have sisters are statistically more at ease with other women. They have a much easier time getting into relationships, finding girlfriends, wives, fuckbuddies and so on. Because having a sister acclimatizes you to women. And women suddenly stop being intimidating creatures from another planet who you don’t understand.
Men who have sisters growing up have a different understanding of women than men without sisters. In other words, men with sisters have an advantage in dating. Because they’re much more likely to respect women. And you’ll virtually never see them asking such questions like “Why don’t women like me and don’t want to hang out with me?”
Which brings me to another important point why girls won’t like you.
7) You have ulterior motives and women see you have bad intentions
Another huge reason why women want to give you a chance is bad intent.
By intent, I mean your goals with women.
To understand this, you first need to ask yourself why do you even want to meet, interact with and date women. You need to figure out your ultimate goal.
Is it just to get sex? Is it because “a woman will complete you?.” Maybe you want to be loved, maybe you feel empty inside without a woman by your side. Maybe you even want to prove something to yourself or others.
The point is to always go into interacti0ns with women from a win-win standpoint.
Going in thinking “I just want to have sex and I don’t give a shit who I have it with” is win-lose. You win, she loses – because once again, she’s nothing more than an object to you then.
I mean, sure, sex is great, and some women really do enjoy just having sex without anything else. But that’s not what I mean.
I’m not against casual sex. I’m all for it with women who also want something with no strings attached.
The point is that women aren’t a life support system for a vagina. So even if you only want casual sex and nothing else, you still need to take the person into account. Otherwise go buy a blow-up doll.
In any case, women notice guys who would fuck anything that moves. And guys without any standards are incredibly unattractive.
That’s why the answer to this issue is to have high standards. And not just for the way women look, but for the whole package, so to speak. Which includes everything about the woman, and not just outer appearances.
Having high standards regarding both looks and personality is attractive. Not only does it show you respect yourself and have a high self-esteem. But it also ensures you actually give a shit about who women are as individuals. And that’s always a win-win thing to do.
8) Your looks and appearance
As you can see, your looks are quite low on the list of why girls might not like you.
That’s because looks are not as relevant to women as they are to men.
From my extensive experience, a man with high self-esteem, someone who has his shit together and has many great qualities but isn’t conventionally attractive but has found his seduction style and has good game will always have more lovers, fuckbuddies and girlfriends than a vapid male-model who looks like a Greek God but has the personality of a door knob.
Sure, for a lot of men looks may be the BIGGEST reason why women don’t like them. Because they’re absolute slobs, don’t take care of themselves, have bad hygiene and have zero sense of style. But that’s because these guys are lazy and don’t have the willpower to change themselves.
But the good news is that once you decide to change and put the necessary effort to do it, you can change your looks very quickly. And get to the level where most women will find your looks very appealing.
The biggest cure for this is of course to hit the gym. In the article on why you need to go to the gym for dating success, you’ll see the reasons why very clearly.
If you have no medical condition that prevents you from doing so, you must exercise. And go lift heavy weights regularly. You simply owe it to yourself because the benefits are enormous. And women will find you much more attractive than if you don’t. It’s like the biggest life-hack that will skyrocket your dating success.
Once again, girls don’t like lazy guys with no willpower who don’t take care of yourself.
Oh, and don’t forget about your hygiene. No matter how great you look, if you smell and don’t groom yourself, women won’t like you. Because it’s very unappealing.
Women won’t want to date you if you lack attractive manly qualities
Finally, I’ll leave you with this important thought about attractiveness in general.
Because if you lack attractive many qualities, it’s often a huge reason why girls don’t want to date you.
You see, women want a MAN by their side. Not a clueless boy who is immature and doesn’t know what he’s doing.
I talk about this in my article on the main attractive character traits that make men irresistible to women. I also list the attractive traits that men should strive to develop.
I’m talking about things like assertiveness, charisma, confidence, independence, reliability, trustworthiness and similar things. I’m talking about a man who’s being genuine and authentic with himself and others and strives to lead a good life.
More importantly, I’m talking about men who can say “No.” to women and other people when it’s necessary. Men who can stand up for themselves and what they believe in. Men who have integrity, standards and who are honest with themselves and others.
The goal is to become a mature man who takes responsibility for himself and his life. Someone who can admit to his mistakes and learn from them to better himself. Someone who’s masculine. And someone who sees the good in others and doesn’t act in malicious, nasty and exploitative ways.
Point is, girls will not like you if you’re the complete opposite of a man. And I don’t mean in the gender sense. I mean the qualities of a good man.
You don’t need to have all these qualities and you don’t need to be perfect. All that’s required is that you STRIVE FOR THESE QUALITIES.
It’s not about achieving this – it’s about living your life aligned in a way that you might achieve them someday.
All we can do is strive to improve
The journey to becoming a sex-w0rthy man who women love being around is not an easy one. Especially if you’re socially awkward and don’t understand social dynamics. Which is sadly the case for many men.
But don’t lose hope because seduction is a skill. And as any other skill, you can learn it.
Having success with women requires you to develop both inner game and outer game. Which means mental skills and techniques. And I always say it’s 90% inner game and 10% outer game.
That’s why you should first and foremost focus on yourself when you’re starting out. Because when you make the effort to develop your inner game, everything will be significantly easier. Then all you’ll have to do is learn a little bit of outer game and you’ll start having a wonderful time.
You see, you can learn all the best and newest seduction techniques in the world. But if they don’t have a solid foundation of inner game to stand on, you’ll only have sporadic and inconsistent success.
What’s more, there are plenty of guys who have close to zero outer game but still have massive success with women. Because they have really good inner game. We call these people “Naturals.”
That’s why my emphasis is always on Inner Game because I believe it’s much more important. So focus on that first, and most women and girls you meet will start liking you more.