Styles of Seduction: Why You Don’t Have to be “Alpha”

I think about the topic of different styles of seduction quite a lot.

And after a recent coaching call with a client, I started thinking again about the many different ways people attract and seduce others. And why they succeed quite well at it, even though their seduction styles are really very different.

So today I’ll explain that there’s no one best way to attract and seduce women. And if you really want to be amazing with girls in your day to day life, you better find a seduction style that suits you the most.

A lot of “gurus” and pickup artists will tell you you have to be dominant, alpha, macho, whatever to be successful with women.

Truth is — you really don’t. At least not anymore. Unless you’re living in a tribe.

If you’re still living in a tribe, then yeah, being the most dominant man there will certainly have its perks. You’ll have your pick of the women. And the other men will get the rest.

But we don’t live in tribes anymore. At best, we live in communities. But definitely not tribes.

Not everyone knows each other anymore since there are too many people living in cities. So you’re free to be whoever you want to be.

And some men do really well with women by NOT being alpha and macho or dominant.

For example, I’m not a very dominant or “alpha” guy at all. At least in my day to day life. And I’ve slept with enough women to lose track of count and stopped caring about counting a long time ago..

I’d say my seduction style is wittiness, comedy, sillyness. Add to that a bit of masterful sexual chemistry, and you’re golden.

Incidentally, that’s not what a lot of “pickup experts” will tell you. They’ll say “oh if you just joke around and be friendly all the time, you’ll be a dancing monkey, end up in the friendzone and never get laid.”

Well, yeah, but not really. Not if you add a secret ingredient into the mix.

You see, there’s a massive difference between landing in the friendzone/being a dancing monkey, and seducing women using wit and comedy. The secret ingredient is Sexual Tension.

The first part, namely the wittiness, sillyness and comedy in my case, FLARES UP THE EMOTIONS IN WOMEN. Just like the “macho dominance, alpha” stuff would do. It puts women into a heightened emotional state. 

Man and woman meet and there's love at first sight - different styles of seduction

The second part, the sexual tension, is what gets them horny for you.

And you gotta know how to do the second part really well if you want to be very successful with women and get laid a lot..

And you have to DARE to spark that sexual tension. (Most guys who are terrible with women are really passive and don’t dare to do anything.)

Because if there’s one thing I learned in my youth, being an anxious sexless virgin at 18 while tons of my peers were getting laid all around. Is that if you don’t DARE and RESOLVE yourself to take action and DO SOMETHING. Then nothing will happen to you. You’ll just passively go with the flow, watching everyone else have all the fun. Which isn’t a bad life, by any means, but pretty bornig. At least to me.

So once I resolved myself to do just that and approach girls and talk to them, just to be social, things started going for the better. You just gotta make that decision for yourself and move your damn feet forward. That’s how I got over my anxiety.

And then, after a loooong time of trial and error, I learned that all it takes to move things forward towards an intimate relationship is sexual tension. And women will sleep with you just like that. (Well that’s an oversimplification of the whole seduction process, but still pretty close.)

But sexual tension without any fun is just CREEPY lol

Dude, seriously, just don’t do it. Trying to create sexual tension without the girl liking you or having fun with you is how you get restraining orders.

So once I realized this little tidbit, I started focusing on simply having fun with women. Without any ulterior motives. Without the goal of sex. Then dating and seduction suddenly became really fun for me as well. And not just a chore or a “thing I must do.”

As a result, my subconscious, non-verbal communication changed drastically. I stopped having that aura of desperation and neediness around me that women despise. And my interactions starting becoming better and better.

Then I learned how to add sexual tension into my interactions. And magic started happening.

I mean I literally had like several sets of fuckbuddies for every day of the week. And then I started introducing some of them to the others, and it was fucking fantastic 🙂

So somehow comedy, sillyness and wit worked. Really, really well.

Which started me thinking about all this stuff at its core. Seduction I mean,.

I came to the conclusion that Pickup Artists manipulate people to get what they want. But you don’t really have to and can still get similar results.

You just have a shitload of fun with women. And they’ll like you. Then add the sexual tension and you’re good to go.

No matter if it’s a guy or girl. This works for women as well, who want to seduce guys.

man and woman laughing and having lots of fun on a date

But yeah, not everyone can do this stuff successfully, especially at first. Because it also takes a lot of inner game stuff to be able to pull this off.

You first have to get over your negative recurring thoughts and self-talk. Your anxiety. Your insecurities. Self-Esteem issues. Among other things. (To get started, get my free inner game course in the newsletter!)

Not fears though. Because fear will always be there while you’re alive.

You can just decide to go through fear. It will never disappear. Just pierce it like a veil and step through it. (Like in Dark Souls & Elden Ring when you step through to fight a boss, through the smoke barrier :D)

Step through the fear once you feel it and put it behind you and it’ll be much easier.

Literally imagine doing this. Stepping through fear when you’re faced with it next time you’re about to do something that scares you. It will really help you a lot, in that precise moment, if you consciously put your mind and focus on it. (Visualization is a powerful tool!)

Apart from all that inner game stuff, you also have to become a versatile mofo to succeed in the long term. Especially when you get into a relationship.

Being a versatile person is really attractive by default

Here’s what I mean by versatility.

Basically, if your style of seduction is like mine, you can’t just be some goofy doofus all the time.

Cracking jokes, making faces and trying to have fun is good, but doing only that and nothing else is a recipe for failure. (and becoming that dancing monkey dating coaches talk about)

That’s because too much of anything is bad. Yes, even fun.

Plus, women want men who can handle themselves and are reliable. Especially when shit goes down.

So you also have to have the capacity to be serious, when the time calls for it.

Women have to know you can face the challenges that come your way. They want to know they can count on you to get shit done when life throws curveballs in your face. Which is a big part of being masculine, by the way.

And you also have to realize that you can’t be “on” all of the time. There’s no person in the world who’s always in a great mood and a good state of mind.

Like, I can be charismatic as fuck and the life of the party, if I get into it and really get rolling. But it just takes so damn much effort, It gets exhausting after a while. 

So where was I? Oh right, different styles of seduction.

As long as you’re genuinely a macho guy, or genuinely a comedic guy, or a kind guy, flirtatious, competent, mysterious guy, etc., etc., you’ll do fine. 

The key word is GENUINE.

You see, all of these things above and more EVOKE EMOTIONS IN WOMEN. Which is the most important part in seduction. Since seduction is not a choice and happens on an irrational, emotional level.

And if you’re genuinely a certain type of guy, you can always stay true to yourself and seduce women with that you’ve got.

It’s the guys who act as someone they’re not that are in trouble. BIG TROUBLE. Because pretending to be someone you’re not is where most of the problems in dating and seduction start.

These guys get ahead of themselves and kick themselves right in the shins before they even begin. Because all their actions and subconscious, non-verbal communications and behavior SCREAMS incongruency. So they’re just being weird and creepy before they even start talking to women. Because they’re basically going hard against their own nature. And it SHOWS. And women see it clearly.

So just chill around women, for starters. And stop trying to seduce women by being someone you’re not.

Example of different seduction styles: Kindness

For example, I know a guy who’s so fucking sweet and kind it’s ridiculous and adorable.

And he just lives that life and behaves like that because he genuinely enjoys being that way.

He’s being his authentic self, true to his values.

a genuinely kind and nice man using his style of seduction to seduce a girlAnd he has been in a great relationship after great relationship, without fail. Like he has 0 problems with getting women,. By being super kind and courteous. 

He actually acts like the nicest guy on dates. Is really attentive, fun and charming in his own way. He brings flowers and chocolates, etc. 

He doesn’t like or want to sleep around so he’s always in a long term, serious relationship. But after some of them broke off because of moving away or other stuff, he’s just instantly with another girl, really quickly. Like within the week. And he dates pretty amazing women as well. Really good people. 

It works really well for him because that’s just who he is. And he doesn’t do it to suck up to women or to please them. He just does it for himself. Because he’s genuinely like that, to EVERYONE around him.

And women see this. Yhey see the congruency of his behavior and non-verbal and verbal communication. And they ADORE him because he’s the REAL DEAL.

He also knows how to create and maintain sexual tension during his dates. And as a result, he has absolutely no trouble getting a girlfriend. And he NEVER lands in the friendzone unless he’s specifically looking for friends..

Seduction Style: Mysterious

Another good style of seduction would be when someone is mysterious. 

It creates a kind of uncertain aura about them that drives women mad, if done right. Again, it puts women into a heightened emotional state. And then, with some sexual tension, seducing them becomes easy.

I knew a guy at my university who simply didn’t talk all that much about himself and his personal life.

He had no problems with talking about a lot of topics and having fun with people. But he simply refused to give any details about his home life, his parents, siblings, hobbies, etc.

Girls went crazy over him because he was the embodiment of mystery. They gossiped a lot about him, mostly positive things. And since he didn’t really give a damn, it was very intriguing.

I saw him hook up with quite a few girls, so safe to say that worked out quite well for him.

Dominance is really alluring

Obviously, one of the most well-known and highly effective styles of seduction is being dominant with women.

However, if you’re not really a dominant guy and are just “acting” dominant. People will see through it right away. And women will shit test you relentlessly, because they will want to know if you’re real or fake.

Incidentally, this is how women figure out if you really are who you say you are. They will shit test you to see how you will behave. And if you fail those shit tests, they will not give you the time of day.

I noticed that guys who try to seduce women by being dominant are the ones who get shit tested the most. And it’s REALLY difficult to fake dominance..

So if you’re like me and aren’t a dominant dude, don’t even try to pretend you are. You’ll fail miserably the vast majority of the time because women pick up on these things really well.

See, it’s not the lack of dominance that’s unattractive to women. It’s trying to seem and pretend to be dominant when you’re not really that type of guy.

Don’t discard dominance in seduction completely though

That’s not to say that you can’t and shouldn’t display dominance when the right opportunities present themselves. And when you really feel like it. 

Remember, you’re supposed to be a VERSATILE MAN. And even a scrawny, weak dude can and should show dominance from time to time. 

I even mention this in my dating guide book. That if you want to get laid on the first date, you should do your best to display dominance at least once or preferrably a few times throughout your date. Because it’s the fast track to spiking some really strong emotions in women.

So don’t sleep on it completely. Learn to recognize good opportunities and seize them.

And also, stop obsessing over being “alpha”. The concept of alpha is bullshit and bad science anyway. It’s a myth and was mostly useful in cavemen/medieval times.

Right now if you were really truly dominant against other men who hit on your girl, you’d end up in prison.

Most Importantly: Certain Seduction Styles Will NOT Attract Certain Women

Now that I’ve shown you some of the more common examples of several styles of seduction, there’s something very important you need to understand.

That is, some women WILL NEVER be attracted to your style.

As an example, there will be women who DO NOT like brutes, agressive guys, etc. These will gravitate more to kinder guys.

woman rejecting a man because he is not her type and his seduction style doesn't intrigue her

There will also be girls who get CRAZY TURNED ON by agressive, assertive, dominant men. That just happens to be their taste. And being mysterious or funny or even flirty won’t get you in with these women. 

Every woman has her own taste and will decide herself what she likes or doesn’t like. 

So if you see that you’re simply NOT HER TYPE and she rejects you — Do not fucking pester her and be annoying about it. You’re doing nobody any favors. You’re just making things so much worse by being desperate.

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there will always be someone who hates peaches. – Dita Von Teese.

So don’t waste your time on people who will never like you. Move on to other women. There’s plenty of other girls who will like you and you’ll be their type. And the more their type you are, the easier it will be to seduce them.

There will always be people who will like you for you

You’d be surprised as well by how many girls, even really hot ones, actually like nerds and geeks. But you won’t really understand this until you approach LOTS of women and get some experience under your belt.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a nerd or a geek. That doesn’t push women away.

It’s the other qualities like being passive, forgetting about hygiene, having crippling anxiety, etc. that nerds and geeks tend to have that push women away. But those qualities can be FIXED!

I’m a guy with a ton of different nerdy and geeky hobbies. I’m a lifelong gamer, as an example, and I talk about gaming A LOT during my dates with women. 

Somehow they don’t seem to mind it. You want to know why? Because it’s just one aspect of me… Since I’m a versatile mofo who they can have a lot of fun with 😉

Oh yeah, and learn to take rejections with grace and without getting butthurt about it. THAT is a really impressive quality and people will respect you for it.

Find And Pick A Seduction Style That Suits You The Most

All you have to do now is to take some time and really think about who you are as a person. Figure out what style of seduction would suit you the most. What you feel the most congruent with. What reflects who you are as your most authentic self. Something that meshes really well with your personality. And then go for it.

Once you figure this out and behave this way, women will like you a lot. They’ll like you significantly more than if you were going to pretend to be someone you’re not.

Seduction is simply a skill set. Which mostly comprises of you having a great time with women by using your own seduction style and showcasing your personality. And then connecting with them on a deeper level and creating some sexual tension.

No matter if you’re being assertive, funny, dominant, kind, myseterious, smart, energetic, enthusiastic, and so on and so forth, everything works when done right.

I can think of plenty of different styles of seduction. And there are as many as you can think of as well. So don’t focus on just the ones I describe above.

Once you realize that not every seduction style works for every person. And find the one or two that suit you best. Your success with women will improve dramatically because of the synergy.

Other than that, go get my book because it’s the fastest shortcut for guys of any level (even seemingly hopeless ones) to get a girlfriend or lover. I guarantee it!




saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.

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