Everyone wants to know how to stop being needy with women, that’s why I’ll tackle this topic right now.
Neediness means you don’t trust in yourself and your own worth. You value the opinions of others over your own. You seek external approval of who you are and what you do.
Simply put, being needy is caring more about how people perceive you rather than how you perceive yourself. Because of it, your behaviors and actions will revolve around pleasing others rather than satisfying yourself.
Needy guys desperately try to impress women, put them on pedestals and often think that they can’t be happy without a woman in their life. That’s incredibly unattractive behavior and these guys rarely have any success with women. Which is exactly why learning how not to be needy is so important!
Here’s how you remedy this and stop being needy:
It’s all about your mindset, really.
The thing I learned and personally do to remove all neediness from my interactions with girls, is that I go into the interaction with the mindset of “Whatever happens – happens.”
Let me explain why this is important if you want to learn how not to be needy. When most guys go out, they have a certain goal in mind — to find casual sex or find a girlfriend! Having that goal will screw up your whole evening because you’ll be subconsciously imposing it onto every girl you interact with.
As a person, you can only control yourself — you can’t control others! Other people are going to do whatever the hell they were going to do anyway and you can’t change that. That’s why having a goal that involves someone else is incredibly counterproductive! The girl will sense that you have an agenda, that you want something from her. And she will be right because you DO! You want sex from her and she’ll definitely notice this if you’re acting thirsty and needy.
That’s why going out with the mindset of “fuck it, whatever happens – happens” is incredibly liberating. You’ll be interacting with a ton of girls when you go out.
If you want to learn how to stop being needy, apply the mindset like this:
1) If any interaction ends in a hook-up, date, etc — amazing! More power to you and I hope you had a great time.
2) If it ends in nothing but a friendly conversation — even better! Because you can make new friends like that, take her phone number for later use to expand your social circle and so on. Or even because having a friendly conversation is actually NICE and enjoyable because we are all people and it’s better than sitting home alone! You’re a social animal, go out into the world, MINGLE with people, interact with them, have fun and make some friends. It’s the first step of how not to be needy around girls because friends enrich your life and make you less desperate around people.
3) If your interaction ends up with a totally brutal rejection. Or she screams at you out loud or slaps you. Or whatever other incredibly, exaggeratedly bad thing that you can imagine happens — it’s perfectly fine too! Because you’ll get a lot of invaluable experience out of that! You’ll gain more reference points to your interactions, get a chance to calibrate yourself for LATER! All your bad interactions will eventually make you better, that’s how you LEARN. The guys who are the most successful with women have all gone through hundreds upon hundreds of rejections to learn what they need to adjust in themselves. They’ve had ample opportunity to get REAL WORLD FEEDBACK from women who they interact with. To understand their sticking points, to understand what the fuck they’re doing wrong that’s so unattractive. To then use all that intuitively to better themselves. Because failure is the best and biggest teacher in the world! You don’t learn from your successes, you learn from your failures! Ask any master or any skill or craft. They’ve failed at their thing hundreds or thousands of times more than novices even attempted to try it.That’s why they’re masters. And it’s exactly the same with pickup and with learning how to stop being needy around women.
4) If your interaction ends up with you getting killed — what the HELL were you even doing? Snap out of it, get back to the real world, no one ever got killed trying to pick-up a girl, unless she was simultaneously in the embrace of a huge redneck with a shotgun called Bubba. Stop making up random outcomes or excuses not to talk to girls!
You’re here to understand how to stop being needy around women and not to fantasize about all the bullshit ways you can get rejected by girls. Man the fuck up and approach. Because rejection is a normal, natural and integral part of life. Because as I said before, you learn from failure. And without rejection, there’s no failure. So you should be HAPPY when you get rejected because it’s just another opportunity to learn and improve yourself as a person!
Eventually, you’ll get rejected less and less. But the fact remains that no matter how great you become, no matter how rich, handsome, charming or famous you get — you’ll still get rejected sometimes. Some people are just not going to like you no matter who you are and what you do. Just accept it, man, and grow the fuck up and approach the girl you’re interested in. Because if you don’t, others are going to do it for you and you’ll miss on yet another potential relationship opportunity. Internalising the mindset I’m talking about above will greatly help you with this and with grasping how to not be needy.
Why this works for stopping your needy behavior around girls
You see, with this mindset, every interaction is great and every outcome is agreeable. Because you get something good out of all of them (ignore the 4th one, you weirdo). And if you convince your mind that you actually do feel like “fuck it, whatever happens, happens”, you will notice that you will never again be needy with girls and they will be that much more attracted to you.
You’ll always appear less desperate as a result. Your need to impress women and to always try and please them will all but disappear. All of which are insanely unattractive behaviors by the way. Women smell desperation and a try-hard kiss-ass a mile away. And they’ll never sleep with or want to be in a relationship with such a man. Because who’d want to be with someone who doesn’t respect themselves and always tries to live his life some other people and never himself? That’s pretty pathetic if you ask me. Which is why you definitely need to figure out how to stop being needy.
All of this is also called being outcome-independent and is one of the keys for how not to be needy around women!
Now, actually convincing yourself of this and getting into this mindset is the hard part… I’d write more on how to do it, but I don’t wanna write up a whole novel since the subject is incredibly vast.
But basically, it has to do with your Inner Game. Which is like 80% of your success with women. Techniques, routines and other bullshit like that are only effective if they have great legs to stand on. Proper fundamentals, emotional control, healthy self-esteem and the right mindsets are crucial. Without these things, you can know the best techniques in the world about what to do and what to say from the best gurus but you’ll get nowhere. Because those techniques won’t work if you’re a shaky, whimpering and slobbering mess of a wussy.
But if you have Inner Game mastered or at least handled, most of your interactions with women will be naturally great. Women will find you attractive because of WHO you are and not because of WHAT you do. At that point, techniques become just a bonus. You never actually rely on them because you learn how to rely on yourself, your personality and your charm.
Learning how to stop being needy is part of Inner Game, and neediness, in general, is an insecurity. Which you have to work on to get over. It’s difficult to do it on your own but I highly suggest that you try to. Or get someone to help you with that.
If you truly want to get this serious issue handled, including how not to be needy, then I strongly suggest that you sign up for my Newsletter. It is free, and you’ll receive a full course on how to effectively get your various insecurities handled, including neediness!
Finally: Do you have a hard time approaching women without seeming needy? What are your sticking points? Tell me how you usually approach a night out in the comments below and I’ll show you how you can improve it!
If you want to learn all this, become successful with women and get your love life handled, then go to http://www.saulisdating.com and grab my book on what to do to consistently get laid on the first date.
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