Thinking About Giving Up On Dating? Origins of Incels

If you ever thought about giving up on dating because it’s “too hard” or because “all women are the same,” then you’re in real danger of becoming an incel – An involuntarily celibate guy who sucks with women and blames everyone but himself for his failures.

I see a lot of guys complain non-stop about women these days. There are entire channels dedicated to it. Where men bitch about how girls only like buff, rich, alpha, hot guys and ignore all the average men completely.

So these men want to give up on dating because they say it’s hopeless and that they stand no chance. As a result, they become resentful towards girls in general and often end up as incels.

Sadly, a huge part of Social Media is abuzz with sentiments like “women choose only from a pool of 10% of the best men, and the rest are completely screwed over and ignored.” That men are constantly used and abused, made fun of, humiliated and otherwise overlooked by beautiful women. Because women get to pick out guys like you’d pick candy in a candy store, so they sleep around with 10 or 20 chads and get pregnant, only to be left miserable but still ignore “nice guys.” Because APPARENTLY girls have it easier and have all the power when it comes to choosing their partner and having sex with someone.

I’m here to tell you that this is a very dangerous line of thinking. Which leads inevitably to men who think like this to become resentful incels. Which means involuntarily celibate men who suck with women and think it’s not their fault but solely the fault of women and their ultra-high standards. And that society in general is unfair towards them.

If you’ve ever had thoughts like that, then you need to read what I’m about to tell you. Because to give up on dating and getting into casual or serious relationships with women is to give up on half the joy of life itself.

When the truth is much simpler than that – you can have as many women in your life as you can handle. If you only get your inner game in order and understand how to have fun with women and engage with them on an emotional and personal level.

Why do men become incels and want to give up on dating?

The problem is that almost everywhere you look nowadays on social media, you get a VERY skewed image of the dating world. Where only rich, handsome, buff, hot, “alpha,” macho and dominant guys succeed with women.

But that’s the trick with social media – they only show you the good stuff that’s maybe in the top 1-5% of possibilities, and never show you the actual reality.

When you’re bombarded with this kind of information from every available online source, it’s easy to start believing this to be true. But honestly, it couldn’t be further from the truth.

This myth is mostly perpetuated by men who barely have two or three lines of conversation a month with women. Men who have no female friends, siblings, lovers, or fuckbuddies. Men who have NO CLUE how women actually are as people. Because they’re afraid of going up to a girl and talking to her like a normal, regular human being.

They may have tried once or twice to chat up some girl and it ended in disaster – BECAUSE THEY WERE COMPLETE NEWBIES and did it in a weird or creepy way, like most newbies do. So they thought it’s going to ALWAYS be like that, then gave up, and started saying that “all women are the same!”

Then these guys join communities like Red Pill, MGTOW, etc. and you get rants like this from these guys:

There are literally thousands upon thousands of such rants by guys who suck with women and don’t understand them. And see women as the problem and not themselves.

But the truth is – if no woman likes you – YOU’RE THE COMMON DENOMINATOR.

The blind leading the blind

Problem is, when you get your advice about women from men who suck with women and see the opposite sex as objects and not as people – as “living fleshlights” – then you’re going to have massive problems with getting girlfriends and lovers.

It’s the blind leading the blind, basically. And it really screws up your understanding of dating if you listen to dating advice from people who are absolutely horrible at it.

Apart from that, you also get bombarded from every angle with ADVERTISEMENTS from various companies and corporations that are designed specifically to make you feel very insecure.

Ads that say you need to buy this golden watch so women will like you. Or buy this car or this house so women find you attractive. And if you don’t get this suit or these shoes, then you’re a worthless piece of garbage who women will hate and never find interesting.

These ads are literally everywhere you look – because ads that are made to feel someone insecure are proven to sell very well.

It’s no surprise then that plenty of young and impressionable guys start believing this crap and have almost no success with women because of their skewed beliefs, inner game issues, and lack of social and seduction skills.

And this road may eventually lead to “inceldom.”

man sitting in corner with his head on his forehead, feeling distressed because he is depressed

What makes someone an incel who gives up on women?

To become an incel, you have to believe certain things about women and about yourself.

These shitty beliefs include, but aren’t limited to the following:

  1. Instead of taking responsibility for his own life and changing something about it for the better, an incel blames women for not liking him and sees no issue within himself.
  2. He has a distorted perception of women: He imagines that every girl wants some kind of buff guy with a super car and tons of money. Where in fact such women are actually the smallest demographic. It’s just what he sees everywhere in the media and believes it.
  3. He thinks women have it better than men and that there aren’t enough women to go around – that you have to HUNT for them, that they’re like prey. Even though historically, women had it just as bad as men did, and even worse in some cases – and women are still seen as property in many parts of the world. Also, there are more than enough women available for an emotionally mature and stable man.
  4. Believes that just because he’s nice, has a decent job, a car and goes to work out, that women MUST AUTOMATICALLY like him. And then is baffled by that not being the case. But that’s not how it works – all of that is just a bonus. You also have to have the capacity to connect with women on an emotional level and have fun with them if you want them to like you.
  5. Thinks that you need to pretend to be someone cool, happy, rich, important to be successful with women – which only makes them hide their genuine and authentic selves and their personality.

These are just random examples – there are many more.

And then men who think such things often proceed to say lots of disgusting and dehumanizing things about women. Which, ironically, puts these same women on a pedestal and makes it harder for these men to approach and talk to them.

What’s more, these guys often joke about terrible things that have happened to women and sometimes even do so right to their faces. I’ve personally seen these things: when they joke about sexual assault, women being inferior and similar things when hanging out in a group. Right in front of women who obviously display signs of disgust at such topics.

These type of men just display to the world that they’re immature little boys who are insecure and have low self-esteem.

As a result, many women also feel insecure because there are A LOT of emotionally unstable men around them. Which is dangerous for these women.

Women are tired of “Nice Guys” and Incels

It’s not that women always want a bad boy by their side and hate all manner of nice guys because of their mistakes.

Women simply want a mature and capable guy by their side, who has his shit together and isn’t a total pussy people-pleaser. Who won’t enter into a co-dependent relationship with them but a thriving, mutually beneficial one.

Point is, LOTS of women feel that they have to be a man’s mother, psychologist, cook and cleaner all at the same time when they’re in a relationship. And very often they do these exact things despite the fact that they ALSO have to work to earn money at the same time. And they often earn as much as men do.

This makes women question their relationships; WHY would they want to be with such a guy in the first place? It’s not the 1800-1900s anymore! Women can live a happy, independent life on their own. They don’t HAVE to get into a relationship with a guy these days just to survive, like they did in the old times.

That’s why women have higher standards these days, which is a GOOD thing. Because people improving the quality of their lives is always a good thing. Plus, it’s not even that difficult to meet those standards, to be honest.

This is exactly why women are DITCHING men who see them as living fleshlights. As objects – as life support systems for a vagina. And not as people, as individuals with their own wants, needs, desires, passions, aspirations, dreams, and hopes, etc.

woman rejecting a guy because he's an incel and doesn't treat her as a human being

Women notice red flags in men much easier these days and simply don’t give men who display them a chance anymore. Because it’s not crucial for survival to be hitched to a random dude with all his bullshit baggage, just to survive.

The reality of today’s dating world

No matter what you may think, women are not actually choosing some Andrew Tate type ignoramuses as a partner. The vast majority of women would rather choose to go celibate than to get into a relationship with such abusive, ignorant, narrow-minded, misogynistic pieces of shit who think they’re “alpha males.”

Like I said, women are not afraid to be alone anymore. Because their quality of life is significantly better these days and they have the same rights (at least in the western world). When their life would be MUCH worse if they get together with an immature incel.

You can fight against it all you want, but the truth is the truth. You can’t deny it.

I’m EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED in men who are thinking of giving up on dating. Instead of looking inward and seeing that they’re the problem and then working on themselves to fix this, they choose to despise and look down on women, blaming them for everything that’s wrong with dating – thinking it’s only women’s fault and men aren’t to blame as well.

It’s pretty sickening how much one group of people, instead of fixing their own massive issues to solve the problem, blame everything on another group of people and talk about them with the greatest hatred imaginable. Which is what incels do with women.

So, it’s up to you to decide what kind of tomorrow you want. If you’re thinking about giving up on dating because of the above or similar problems, then you have a lot of work to do. Mainly, on yourself and your inner game (mental skills).

You seer, a collapsing building cannot be saved by trying to plaster its walls, when the foundation column is cracked. You gotta fix the thing that holds everything together first.

In other words, you have to raise your own self-esteem and get rid of your own insecurities first. Before you go and date other people.

Women simply want men who have their shit together

It’s no big secret and no surprise – women simply want a capable man who has his shit together in their lives.

Women don’t want an immature and insecure little boy by their side, who whines, complains, and blames everyone else but himself.

No self-respecting high value woman of quality will want a serious or even casual sexual relationship with a guy who doesn’t treat her like a real person. Like a human being, on an equal level.

I mean, tons of men don’t even like themselves and don’t respect themselves. So why would anyone think a self-respecting woman would want to be with such a guy?

That’s why the first order of business is always to fix your mental issues, your insecurities, so you can build a healthy and strong self-esteem.

I say this time and time again to the people I coach personally – 80% of your problems with women, and people in general, will be solved, if you attain a strong and healthy self-esteem.

You need to be your own best friend if you want other people to like and respect you as well. Because how you see yourself is exactly how other people see you. And how much you like yourself directly affects how much others like and respect you.

So what’s the solution if you’re close to giving up on dating?

The solution is pretty simple, but not easy – because it requires effort and time.

If you want to be successful with women and get as many serious or casual sexual relationships as you want, then you need to do the following things:

  1. Start being social with people as much as possible.
  2. Get some female friends who you can hang out with, so you understand women as people much better.
  3. Work on yourself by exercising regularly (both physically and mentally), learn some good skills, travel as much as you can even if to neighboring cities, move towards your goals, make friends, and so on – basically improve yourself so you steadily build a better and better life for yourself.
  4. Work on your INNER GAME – your mental skills – to raise your self-esteem, so you like yourself, trust yourself, respect yourself and can rely on yourself.
  5. Learn how attraction and seduction works and practice it as much as possible. By approaching women you find attractive and talking to them. Which requires you to face your fears.

All of this is very doable but requires you to put in the necessary time and effort.

If you follow these simple steps, then in several weeks, months, or years, depending on who you are, you’ll be able to easily get girlfriends and lovers with the girls that YOU choose. Because they’ll enjoy spending time with you and will want to get to know you better and have sex with you themselves.

Any guy, unless he suffers from some debilitating mental or physical problem, can become successful with women with enough dedication and practice. It’s all a social skill, and you can learn any skill, given enough time and effort.

So basically, it’s all up to you. You only have yourself to blame if you suck with women and do nothing about it.

Because real men who have their shit together take responsibility for themselves and their lives. They work on fixing their problems instead of whining about them and blaming other people.

Then giving up on dating simply becomes out of the question.

Good luck!


saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.

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