Why Nice Guys Finish Last – 7 Biggest Mistakes

I’m here to show you some of the absolute biggest reasons why nice guys finish last when it comes to women and the meaning and significance of it in dating. As well as point out the most awful nice guy mistakes they make that completely obliterate any chances with women they’d otherwise have.

Learning this topic is crucial if you want to be successful with women and stand any chance of attracting them. Because if you make even one of these awful, attraction-killing mistakes. You’ll often ruin your chances with the girl you like so completely that she’ll resent you and want nothing to do with you.

Also, make sure to read why women like bad boys vs nice guys before or after this article if you want to know the underlying reason behind everything I’m going to talk about below. It’ll also explain the difference between nice guys and players.

The Biggest Mistakes Nice Guys Make And Why They Finish Last

These nice guy mistakes are here to show you the main things you need to avoid in order to be more successful with women. They’ll provide you with some insights why nice guys always lose out on many relationship opportunities.

These mistakes are also the underlying reason behind why nice guys finish last very often and then cry about it to high heavens.

1) Nice guys are boring and talk to girls on dates like they are interviewing them!

“What did you study?”, “Where did you work?”, “What do you think of the weather?”

Women have heard this question a million times from every guy they went on a date with and that’s so EXCRUCIATINGLY BORING.

why nice guys are boring

Millions of guys go on dates and ONLY ask questions like “Oh hey, so where are you from originally?”, “So what is your job?“, “What college you go to?“, “Where did you live before?“, “Do you like to vacation?“, “Are you from this town originally, or did you move here?“, or even about the fucking WEATHER!

And then they act surprised why the girl doesn’t have any feelings for them.

How can she have any feelings for someone who bores them half to death?

If all you do on a date is talk about stuff like this, then don’t be surprised when girls don’t see you as anything more than a non-sexual friend. Who likes to talk about the weather and work and shit.

Instead, talk about your passions and about the things that actually make you feel something. Talk about life, your mutual hobbies, interests, wants, desires, hopes, dreams, etc. Talk about something weird, silly, sexual, ridiculous, and so on and so forth. And talk about what’s on your mind, instead of trying to think up topics you think she would like.

Stop talking about bullshit no one cares about just to carry on the conversation. Even silence is more compelling, when done right and with proper eye contact, than talking about work, weather, shopping, and similar things.

Here’s what you can do on dates to NEVER seem as a boring man: What to do on a date with a girl and never be a boring man! (All links open in new window)

So one of the reasons why nice guys are boring is because their conversations often ressemble passionless and monotonic interviews.

2) Nice guys come on too strong and share “How they Feel” too early!

Guess what? Attractive women are getting approached by men all the time!

When beautiful women go about their day, when they take their commute to work, go shopping, meet and hang out with their friends, etc. They easily get approached by 10 or 20 different random guys per day! That’s THOUSANDS of men per year.

It gets tedious, repetitive, and predictable.

Nowadays it’s even more pronounced because many women are on dating sites and dating apps, like Tinder. There, they get messages from HUNDREDS of random guys per day who desperately want to fuck them. They get showered with compliments, affection, and validation all day, and are constantly bombarded by messages from men who express their love.

As a result, most women end up developing certain filters to weed out boring, predictable, and uninteresting men. Especially those who come on too strong too early, without any compelling or real reason.

Knowing this, you must understand that there’s no faster way to get an attractive woman to run away from you than by telling her stuff like “I really LOVE you!” or “You’re the best girl in the world!” on your first date, second, or even third date.


The dangers of “confessing your love too early”

One of the reasons women enjoy the company of bad boys is that they don’t gush about their feelings right off the bat!

biggest nice guy mistakes

Conversely, a big reason why women hate nice guys is that they lay it on too thick almost instantly. As soon as they get even the slightest bit of positive attention from women.

So get this, once women know they can have you right at the beginning and that you’ll do everything for them — the magic is gone! There can be no more spark and they’ll lose respect and attraction towards you. That’s one instance where you have to hold back on “sharing your emotions”.

As much as people hate to admit it, there has to be a certain “game”, or “dating ritual” in the beginning, for natural attraction and seduction to happen. You can’t just go spouting you love people after meeting them for a little bit. Because it makes no sense!

It’s just so damn creepy that nice guys decide to “love” someone after meeting them for a day, a week or even a month. True love takes a lot of time to develop! So women know that your love is bullshit if you express it too soon.

That’s why most women who are secure and have their shit together will think: “Why would he fall in love with me so early and easily, when he doesn’t even know me all that well as a person? He must be desperate, or just wants to fuck me for my looks!“. And POOF – she instantly loses all attraction and respect for you. And this is exactly why a lot of nice guys finish last with girls they meet.

Believe it or not, if you confess to women how much you love them right when you meet them, they’ll just look at you as if you’re crazy, and leave.

Two reasons for why nice guys fail

Saying you love someone too early, before you actually figure them out is bad because of the following:

First – Why would you LOVE someone who you don’t even know on a very deep and personal level?

Seriously, you know next to NOTHING about her and you just like the way she looks. But what if she’s a horrible person underneath those looks? What if she’s just a vile, angry, jealous, whiny, dumb human being? What if she’s some psycho mental patient who’s destructive and will ruin both your lives? That’s a bit of an extreme example, but it gets the point across.

People understand that it’s impossible to love someone without even knowing who they are as a person first. Maybe they won’t even be sexually, intellectually, or even emotionally compatible with you? Compatibility is one of the most important components in a healthy and strong relationship.

Second – If you “confess your feelings” right away, women will realize that they have you in their pocket and that you’ll do anything for them. They’ll lose all interest in you because you’ve given all your power away in an instant!

There’s no more mystery, no more excitement, no more flirting and no more sexual tension because you’ve ruined it all.

This has to do with the whole Masculine vs Feminine dynamic thing and seduction needing tension to be effective. Which is why nice guys can’t get laid no matter how much they try.

Because women adore masculine, manly men.

3) Nice boys do everything to please women and seek their approval

Another one of nice guy mistakes is that lots of guys try to please women as much as possible and mistakenly think this will make them like you.

Are you guilty of doing that, too?

Here’s the truth — women will NEVER be attracted to someone who tries to kiss up to them.

If all you do is kiss ass, look for their approval, seek permission for everything you do, without seemingly having a will of your own. Then women will never be attracted to you because they won’t respect you. Trust me, an attention-seeking behavior around women is really, really bad.

In fact, women will get ANNOYED by you!

reasons why nice guys fail

Don’t believe me? Just ask any beautiful women if she feels annoyed by pussy guys who always chase her around, kiss ass, and do everything in their power to please her, hoping to get some of her affection . . .

This may sound counter-intuitive to you, but it’s exactly why a lot of nice guys fail with women and why girls prefer bad boys.

You should not be filtering your true thoughts and beliefs in an attempt to impress a woman or tell her what you think she wants to hear.

You also shouldn’t be such a tryhard to win her love an approval because it’ll never work.

It’s not the things you own, not the gifts you give and not the favors you do for women that makes them love you. It’s the way you make women FEEL around you that dictates how attractive they’ll find you. And being a kiss-ass who always tries to please them makes them feel like you’re her servant and definitely not a lover.

4) Niceguys try to CONVINCE women to like them!

First of all, you can’t ever convince a woman to become attracted to you with logic and reasoning. That’s not how attraction works!

Attraction is based on emotions. It’s not a choice that women make by consciously calculating all the things about you.

If the latter were true, only rich and successful men would have women around them. Yet there are tons of guys who have many women who aren’t considered even close to being successful.

So your money plays almost no role in how women find you attractive at a raw and animalistic level.

And that’s another reason why nice guys finish last and why girls prefer bad boys over them. Because bad boys never try to use logic to build attraction, only pure emotions.

I’m sure that there were times when you’ve met a girl that you REALLY like . . . But when she wasn’t all that much interested in you, you tried to convince with logic her to change her mind! Saying that you’re better than this or that guy because you have this or that or you’ve accomplished various things, etc.

That never works! Yet a lot of guys go chasing, begging, pleading, crying and asking the girl to change her mind and go out with them. All they tend to hear is “I’m busy” or “I just don’t see you in that way, let’s stay friends,” or a myriad of other usual excuses. “Sorry, I got to wash my cat’s hair today…”

Which is why you should avoid this massive nice guy mistake and stop using logic to convince girls to date you.

Instead, make a compelling emotional case as to why a woman should fall for you. Show her who you are, what makes you you.

5) “Nice fellows” never actually let the girl know they find her attractive and want her sexually

This is a HUGE sign of the “nice guy syndrome” and I’ve mentioned it briefly above! It’s also one of the most common reasons why most nice guys lose and get friend zoned!

They are simply too afraid to let the girl know that they want her sexually.

Seriously, how are you going to have sex with someone if you don’t even let them know you like them sexually?! LET THAT SINK IN!

Do they want silent ninja sex or something? Where they go in – whoosh whoosh whoosh – finish up, and fly away without her somehow finding out what just happened?

Do you realize how SILLY and ABSURD that sounds?

Here are the basics of human interaction to have sex: If you like the person and want to have sex with them, you let that person know you want to have sex with them in no uncertain terms. And then, if they feel the same way about you, you start having fun.

But “Really nice”, sexually non-threatening guys usually do something else:

They LIKE the girl, they want to go on a date with her, have a lot of fun together, sleep with her and eventually start a relationship together . . . Yet they are terrified of getting rejected so they always skirt around the issue of letting the girl know that they want her sexually. Some are even afraid of the girl knowing about their sexuality, or, what’s even worse, are ashamed of it!

Some even pretend to be friends and nothing else. Somehow thinking they’ll trick the girl into eventually sleeping with them, by hanging out with her, doing various things friends do, etc. And then by springing on them unexpectedly the fact they want and expect sex from her in return!

How fucked up is that? If you act like a friend, look like a friend and do nothing to signal you wanting to be anything more than a friend. Then don’t expect to be more than just friends!

Here’s why nice guys get friend zoned

Nice guys never clearly state their intentions and leave everything ambiguous! They don’t know when and how to initiate physicality properly. When to kiss her, when to touch her and hug her, etc. Because of that, they end up missing their chance and screwing up. Since they always look for “the perfect moment” to make a move yet never seem to find it.

reasons why nice guys get friendzoned

If that’s you, then I urge you to read my seduction book to find out when and how you should be making your move.

Because once a girl notices that these nice guys always doubt themselves and hesitate when it comes to making a move and expressing their true intentions. Or that they’re “too shy” to let her know they want her sexually. She’ll label them as pussies and lose all respect and attraction! She’ll instantly know she does not want a guy like that to be her lover.

So a lot of “nice” guys end up surprised and cry something like “Oh, she rejected my advances!” When the they didn’t even let the girl know they want to fuck her.

This is what makes a lot of “nice guys” inherently dishonest and actually not so nice.

Seriously, it’s in our nature to be physically attracted to beautiful women and to want to have sex with them. Not hiding your sexuality is one of the most important reasons why girls go for bad boys!

It’s not a secret to women that you want to sleep with them if you’re approaching them and talking to them without any specific platonic or work-related purpose.

They know it, we know it — so grow up and don’t be afraid to ADMIT IT. Then accept it, and NEVER hide it!

Again, this is about femininity and masculinity. Sexual tension. Those kinds of important things.

This is another instance where bad boys have a huge advantage. Because they’re comfortable with their sexuality and don’t hide it!


6) Nice guys give her gifts, hoping to buy her affection in return

Many “nice men” think that if they bring flowers on a date, buy her drinks, give her expensive gifts and do other similar stuff when they don’t even know her – before she actually deserves all these things – that she’ll somehow start showing affection right away.

don't be a nice guy

Guys, these are not the 1950’s anymore! Don’t be a nice guy by trying to give something expensive and expecting sex in return. This act is the same as men being incredibly shallow and only appreciating women for looks and nothing else, trying to buy their affection with shiny things.

Think of it from a woman’s perspective: She doesn’t know you all that much and you don’t know her either. When you meet her on the first date — you give her an expensive gift, flowers, or something similar. She thinks “Why would he do that? He doesn’t even know me? He must want or expect something in return! He must do this to all women!”

Once she starts thinking that – it’s all over.

Everything you do from then on will go through that filter of “you want something from her in return, and must be compensating for your character flaws with gifts or money.”

This is showing her you have low self-esteem. Like you think you’re somehow not “worthy” of her by yourself and must add incentives for her to likes you. Seriously, let THAT sink in for a bit.

It has the same effect as putting women on pedestals: Treating them like princesses, never disagreeing, arguing, expressing your own ideas, and basically being a total doormat. That’s very unattractive! Besides the obvious fact that it also dehumanizes women and shows you see them as objects you can buy.

So you see, women like men who are secure in themselves. Because they don’t have to compensate for their personality or lack of it, with gifts!

7) “Good guys” are afraid to displease and lose the girl

A lot of guys never argue, offend, tease, or disagree with the girl in any way.

They’re afraid of displeasing her and terrified of losing her. But this only shows her that they have many problems with their self-esteem. And also, this shows a ton of desperation and that you’re not very good with women.

Here’s the raw truth: If you are desperate, no girl is going to like you. That’s because desperation emanates from you as cheap perfume does, and girls smell it easily!

Desperation is probably the number one attraction-killer in the world. And as far as nice guy mistakes go, this is one of the worst you can make.

As soon as a girl gets even a whiff of the fact that you’re DESPERATE to sleep with her. Her legs will lock shut and you’ll never have a chance with her again. It instantly kills any shred of her respect and attraction for you.

And get this: If you’re too afraid of teasing the girl, “ruffling her feathers” so to speak, which is a form of flirting — you’ll never create any strong emotions and strong sexual attraction.

Being disrespectful to a woman is the clearest way of communicating that you are indifferent to her opinion of you. Women will find it very difficult to rationalize why a man who’s interested in them would be insulting them. An insult can sub-communicate to a woman that you’re not trying to impress her nor are you emotionally dependent on her validation. Thus, the women you interact with will not sense that you have an agenda and will be more likely to trust what you say as being honest.

HOWEVER, you should never actively start insulting women just to get a reaction from them! Because that’s inherently wrong and manipulative!

Don’t be a nice guy but don’t be mean either

Insults are NOT why women prefer certain men, like bad boys, assholes and so on. A bad boy does not insult a woman on purpose, he does it unintentionally and offhandedly! Pickup artists have twisted this into negs and use it as a very potent yet highly manipulative technique.
So don’t be a nice guy and let people walk all over you but don’t insult women just to be mean either.

Instead of using such silly shit on purpose, learn how to be naturally more challenging when you’re around women. And then learn HOW TO PLAYFULLY TEASE THEM!

Being challenging to women is not a technique but a lifestyle. Which you must learn and master if you want them to chase you and desire sex with you. But more on this in another article.

Now, I’m sure you’ve made at least a couple of these deadly mistakes in your lifetime.

You may have thought at the time that these things are getting you closer to her . . . When in fact, they make her lose any attraction and respect towards you right away, effectively killing your chances with her.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are plenty of other things that nice guys do wrong and then wonder why women don’t like them one bit.

So if you can’t figure out why women avoid you, then take a good look at yourself and see if you’re exhibiting any of the things I wrote above. You’ll more likely than not be shocked to find out that, in fact, you do make at least one or two of these sins!

The Nice Guys Finish Last Meaning and Significance

The significance and meaning of the well-known phrase “Nice Guys Finish Last” in dating is twofold.

First, you’ll often be overlooked by women if you act this way I just described above. They’ll see you’re not mature enough to date them and they won’t be attracted to you. So instead, they’ll choose other, more mature, manly, secure and emotionally stable men to have sex and get in relationships with.

I know, that’s utterly frustrating and disgusting to hear if you happen to be a nice guy. But it’s the absolute truth, and the biggest reason why nice guys should strive to improve themselves.

Losing the Nice Guy status will come with experience, maturity and some guidance. And I can definitely help you with the latter if you read my material.

The second reason behind the nice guys finish last meaning and why it’ll screw your dating life is the following.

Since nice guys usually don’t stand up for themselves, people will use and abuse them to further their own agendas.

Nice Guys Finish Last Meaning in Dating

I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen both women and men abuse guys who can’t say “No” to them. And use them for free rides, food, to get better jobs, to get money out of them, etc. With the promises of friendship, companionship, sex, status and other things. Only to lie to them, get what they want out of them and then screw them over and leave them. In fact, girls will often dump nice guys if they see they have no backbone.

This is the ultimate definition of why nice guys finish last in dating and in life in general. They simply get used and abused too much. How’s that for bad news?

Final thoughts on why nice guys finish last and often get no results

Now you’ll hopefully understand exactly why nice guys finish last and the biggest mistakes they make with women.

Don’t worry, if you’re guilty of some of them, there’s still hope for you. Because becoming aware of these attraction-killing sins is the first step of preventing yourself from comitting them ever again.

I’m not exaggerating here when I say that even one of them can completely screw your date up. So heed my advice and make sure you spot yourself when you’re about to do something stupid like that.

In any event, seduction and attraction may seem very counter-intuitive at first. But once you understand the underlying principles and learn how to do it properly, you can get sex and start great relationships pretty much at will. As long as you find someone you actually like.



saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.

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