Learning how to exude confidence with women is a common goal for a lot of men. Especially if it’s without seeming too boastful or turning into a complete jerk. Since it’s pretty difficult to seem really confident without coming across as an overbearing or obnoxious try-hard.
It’s time I explain what true confidence around women is and how you can create and maintain it throughout your life.
I’ll adress the various crucial mindsets you can adopt and provide key tips. As well as show you the blunders you need to sidestep to ensure women see you as a confident and self-assured man. Without painting you as insensitive or uncaring.
I’ll also give you a list of my 6 biggest secrets to building core confidence, tenacity and self-assuredness overtime and then maintain it.
This article is going to be pretty in-depth, so strap yourself in!
Table of Contents
- 1 Genuine Confidence With Women Means Being Secure In Yourself As A Person
- 2 Deconstructing Misconceptions of Confidence
- 3 The Secrets of Being Supremely Confident Around Women
- 3.1 Confidence Secret One – Liking Yourself As A Person
- 3.2 Confidence Secret Two – Self-Amusement
- 3.3 Confidence Secret Three – Courage
- 3.4 Confidence Secret Four – Action
- 3.5 Confidence Secret Five – Competence Through Self-Improvement
- 3.6 Confidence Secret Sex – Shameless Expression
- 3.7 Bonus Confidence Secret – Physical Fitness
- 3.8 Conclusion: A Balanced Display of Confidence is the Key
Genuine Confidence With Women Means Being Secure In Yourself As A Person
The idea of a man who’s always assertive, unfaltering in his self-belief and consistently spot-on with his actions or words is nothing but a myth. No one possesses such absolute perfection.
Imagine, for a moment, three men. One stumbles through conversation, constantly second-guessing himself. The other is extremely confident but comes off as an arrogant prick. While the third one radiates self-assuredness, capturing attention with ease.
We’ve all seen this divide before, and many of us want to cross it and get to where the third guy is. We all want to be the kind of man who effortlessly connects with women and who feels comfortable in his own skin.
The first guy is timid, meek and women don’t like him nor feel any attraction towards him. He needs to work on himself. He is not sure of himself.
The second guy is extremely confident, but that confidence comes from overcompensating for various things. Often rooted in delusions of superiority, grandeur, and similar things. Which all stem from an unhealthy self-esteem.
Even though people see him as someone who’s very self-assured, they still don’t really like being around him. And women, while often finding him intially attractive, lose their interest in such a man the more they spend time with him. Because he tends to be self-absorbed, selfish, and abrasive.
This guy definitely needs to work on himself.
The third guy, however, is someone who exudes confidence but in a very calm and relaxed manner. He doesn’t feel the need to prove himself, he isn’t brash, abrasive or even defensive. He is confident with women because he likes himself and is unselfishly interested in the other person – the woman he’s talking to. Giving her his full, undivided attetion and being present in the moment, getting to know her and building a genuine connetion. He has a healthy self-esteem.
Well, today I’m gonna break down the key elements that set these men apart, and help you embark on a transformative journey towards a stronger, more confident you.
Confidence, as elusive as it seems, isn’t some external trait you stumble upon. It’s actually something that comes from within. Stemming from your mindsets and attitudes, as well as life experience, both positive and negative.
It’s the sum of countless fragments of your life coming together to create an unshakable self-belief. And yes, while confidence plays a MASSIVE role in your ultimate success with women, remember it’s merely one piece of the puzzle. And there are other aspects of your personality that you need to develop beside it.
The Key Mindset of Confidence
A person’s mindset – their attitude or predisposition towards situations – plays a crucial role in their confidence. Wrong mindsets will impede progress with women, while the right ones will bolster your confidence.
Negative or delusional mindsets such as always thinking you’re the best at everything, that you always know what to say, or that you’re an irresistible prize to all women are misconceptions that not only damage your self-esteem but also lead to unhealthy ego feeding. They may temporarily inflate your confidence, but the foundation is fragile and easily shattered since it’s built on a lie.
Other negative or misguided mindsets include sentiments such as “I am the alpha male, and I always get my way” or “All women should be drawn to me because I’m a nice guy. I deserve to have women love me.”
Thinking like that always ends in disaster.
On the other hand, positive mindsets such as trusting your instincts, valuing your conversations, and enjoying interactions with women can significantly bolster your confidence.
Positive mindsets include sentiments like “I’m here to have fun and express myself!” And “I’m here to enjoy myself and whatever happens, happens.” As well as “Let’s see who you are and if we’re gonna have a good time hanging out!”
When you internalize these and similar mindsets, you stop being desperate and needy and become more resistant to disruptions in social interactions. This approach will make you more charming and appaling in your interactions with women.
Confidence is NOT thinking that you have the ability to deal with every situation life throws at you. That’s simply impossible.
True confidence is knowing that no matter what happens, you will do your best to deal with it and will be fine no matter if you fail or succeed. It means having the mindset that no matter what comes your way, win or lose, you will still be the same person on the inside.
Confidence is not, “They will like me.” Confidence instead is, “I’ll be fine if they don’t.”
This isn’t a result of some magic formula, but rather an understanding and acceptance of your own human flaws and strengths. Complete self-acceptance as a person.
For instance, despite being seen as confident, I sometimes grapple with shyness or self-doubt. But these instances don’t prevent me from being massively successful with women or feeling self-assured in their company.
A simple but crucial distinction separates me from men lacking confidence around women: I believe that no matter what comes my way, it’ll be fine.
Whatever happens, happens. If I stumble, I learn from the experience and grow as a person, ready to tackle similar situations in the future. Failures don’t detract anything from me as a person. They’re just temporary setbacks since everyone makes mistakes and everyone fails from time to time.
This mindset allows me to interact with women without desperation, anxiety, or judgement.
Inner Game: The Core of Confidence with Women
Essentially, confidence with women is a matter of mastering your “Inner Game.”
Your Inner Game basically means your Mental Skills and encompasses all your beliefs, attitudes, and thoughts.
Robust Inner Game separates men who often self-doubt and struggle with women from those who achieve immense success with the opposite sex.
The key to genuine confidence with women and avoiding coming off as arrogant or overbearing is simple: Drop any need to prove yourself.
With the right mindsets, you’re there simply to enjoy your conversations with women, have fun, and perhaps spark a connection. You’re there to see who they are as people and whether you’ll have a good time hanging out together – not to somehow prove yourself to them.
Yes, it’s a bit more complicated in practice, but cultivating these mindsets is an excellent starting point. And can put you miles ahead of most men who struggle with being confident around women and in life in general.
Deconstructing Misconceptions of Confidence
Let’s take me as an example of someone who carries himself confidently around women.
I hold my own in conversations, remain unfazed and interact with people without losing my composure, no matter what bullshit they fling at me.
Observers often see me as a paragon of confidence when I engage with attractive women. Yet, in all honesty, I’m often simply making it up as I go along. Since my whole game is based on a lot of improvisation, being self-amusing, teasing, joking around, making silly remarks and random bullshit statements. As well as creating and maintaining sexual tension.
I’m not some “confident macho alpha guy” and my seduction style is all about humor, teasing and storytelling.
I approach these conversations not as a battle to be won but as interactions with another human being.
Drawing from my wealth of pickup and seduction experience, I apply established principles that enhance all of my interactions.
These principles, however, are NOT the source of my confidence. They’re just bonuses, they help because after a decade of actively dating around and seducing tons of women, I know what works and what doesn’t.
From an outsider’s perspective, I may radiate confidence, but I’m not exempt from the standard human concerns.
Anxiety sneaks up on me VERY OFTEN when approaching someone new because anxiety is something that never completely goes away. I just know how to deal with it and channel it to take action.
Shyness also creeps in sometimes, and performing in public like singing karaoke, dancing alone or doing public speaches is often still pretty nerve-wracking. However, I understand that this is COMPLETELY NORMAL, that we as people will always feel various emotions, so it doesn’t hinder my success or confidence with women.
Even the most famous artists and talk-show hosts who have been performing for decades still feel anxiety and fear before a show. It never goes away completely. Since it’s a natural and normal human reaction.
We all experience overwhelming emotions occasionally; it’s a part of being human. Recognizing and accepting this fact is a crucial step.
Your response to these emotions, especially when they’re overpowering, is what differentiates you from men who struggle with women.
Solid confidence stemming from a healthy self-esteem SHIELDS you from the bullshit that surrounds you constantly.
Confidence is All About Total Relaxation Body Language & Not Being Defensive
Your body language plays a massive role in how confident you feel. And it also shows others how confident you are. But you can’t really fake it, since a lot of body language is something you can’t really control at will. Like your sub-communications and micro-expressions.
So how does a confident man look from the side?
He looks calm, cool and collected. His body language is totally relaxed, he’s very comfortable with himself and feels completely AT EASE.
When you’re completely comfortable in your own skin because of self-acceptance and a healthy self-esteem, women feel it instantly.
All of your sub-conscious communication changes for the better and people around you notice your relaxed vibe and presence. As well as your chill and NOT TENSE body language. Which is particularly attractive and charming.
One of the most successful seducers in the world who has a record of sleeping with around 3000 women is the actor Errol Flynn. And one of the women he’s slept with wrote a book and described Errol Flynn as someone who is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY relaxed.
She describes how she felt as if she’s had two glasses of Martini while in his presence. Even though she didn’t touch any alcohol.
It’s his totally relaxed body language and state, the way he moves and the ease of his behavior as well as his chill vibe that make women feel completely comfortable and intoxicated around him.
The other part of this is Defensiveness.
If you really want to exude confidence, STOP BEING DEFENSIVE AROUND WOMEN.
That’s because if you’re being defensive about things while you’re on a date with a woman, they’ll notice it right away. They will feel tension which destroys the relaxing and comfortable vibe and kills the mood.
The Secrets of Being Supremely Confident Around Women
Now let’s get to the really important bits. The six things that I believe are crucial to developing bulleproof confidence and self-assuredness. Not just with women, but in life in general.
If you master all of these things, people around you will always see you as someone who’s worthy of getting to know and have around.
Confidence Secret One – Liking Yourself As A Person
How much you like yourself is directly related to how successful you’re going to be with women.
My secret to having confident interactions with women? It boils down to a seemingly trivial but profoundly crucial detail: I believe that no matter what happens, no matter if my approach fails or succeeds, I’m still going to like myself just as much, if not more, than before I approached. Because every single interaction is a new experience that lets me GROW AS A PERSON.
There’s no way to lose when you internalize this core mindset. It’s win-win however you look at it. And it’s a great foundation for a healthy and high self-esteem.
Approaching women should be seen as a chance to enrich your life, not a testing ground for your ego. It’s about engaging in enjoyable conversations, learning more about the other person, and not clinging to outcomes.
You need to be emotionally grounded and understand that a woman’s response isn’t a reflection of your self-worth.
Confidence Secret Two – Self-Amusement
The first secret to being confident with women is self-amusement. It’s where you’re simply there to have fun and amuse yourself.
By putting self-amusement first, you’ll never feel the need to idolize or impress women excessively. This approach makes you more personable, sociable, and charming.
You’ll present yourself as a regular, laid-back man who’s enjoyable, interesting, and non-judgmental. Someone women want to hang out with.
This is the essence of genuine confidence in interactions with women and the key to avoid coming off as insensitive or obnoxious.
By focusing on amusing yourself first, you’ll be just another person trying to enjoy the conversation, see if you click with the girl and potentially pursue her further if your vibes align.
This kills any neediness, desperation and validation-seeking behavior right away and prevents you from putting women on pedestals who you think are out of your league.
Confidence Secret Three – Courage
Feel the fear and do it anyway. That’s courage, and it’s inherently attractive.
Often, the mere thought of approaching a woman you’re attracted to can trigger your nerves. But this anxiety shouldn’t hold you back. Instead, it should be viewed as an opportunity for growth.
There’s no real way to conquer fear other than to accept it and do whatever it is you wanted to do anyway. There are ways to lower your fear and I talk a lot about that in my Inner Game Course that you can get in my newsletter. But fear never goes away completely, no matter who you are.
You need to keep reminding yourself that conversations with women are not battlegrounds. They’re spaces for connection, amusement, and interaction.
You don’t have to dominate every conversation or always have the perfect response. Simply being genuine, open, and engaging is enough to create an enjoyable interaction.
Confidence Secret Four – Action
After courage comes action.
Action is important to confidence because it builds a habit of GETTING SHIT DONE.
Women, and people in general, like others who can get shit done in their lives.
Someone who’s a go-getter, who makes things happen is always going to be a person of value; someone others like having around.
And the more things you do, the more action you take, the stronger your habit of action will become. And the more things you’ll succeed in.
When you’ve built a habit of taking action, of getting things done without procrastinating, it builds your overall confidence levels. Because you’ll know from ACTUAL REAL WORLD EXPERIENCE that you can just get up and start doing the things you need to be doing in your life to keep everything going. As opposed to spending all your time in front of the TV, mindlessly watching news and entertainment day in, day out, wasting your time and your life away.
Basically, the bigger your habit of action-taking is, the more you’ll maintain your confidence.
Confidence Secret Five – Competence Through Self-Improvement
Another integral aspect of building confidence with women is self-improvement and the competence it brings.
Confidence is a combination of your Mindsets and Lifestyle PLUS Competence in the thing you’re doing, which is the only constant in the equation.
Cultivating various interesting hobbies. Staying informed about worldly events. Keeping yourself in great physical and mental shape. Learning new skills and and getting more knowlege. Becoming more productive and working on something you like and enjoy doing. Developing your profession, business, job. Making friends and having fun. All these things and so much more add meaning to your life and make you a better person.
All these things and more contribute to your self-esteem and provide a robust foundation for your confidence.
The more things you do in life, the more competent you eventually become at them, and the more confidence they bring.
Moreover, this self-improvement journey enhances your life quality overall, not just your interactions with women. You’ll gain more satisfaction from life, become a more valuable person in general and more people will find you attractive. Which will naturally boost your confidence.
Confidence Secret Sex – Shameless Expression
Shamelessness is one of the secrets of being confident with women because shame is the opposite of confidence.
It’s really about letting go of your inhibitions – what some might call being ‘shameless’. But hold on, it’s not what you might think!
When you hear the word ‘shameless’, it might bring up images of people behaving in a brash or arrogant manner, right? But that’s not what we’re getting at here.
It’s actually about not letting shame dictate your thoughts and actions. It’s about embracing who you are and what you want without feeling guilty or embarrassed. It’s about unabashedly being yourself.
Various personal insecurities, mistakes and perceived flaws can all trigger a shame response in people, causing them to become extremely self-conscious, self-critical, and embarrassed.
Dealing with these things is very difficult but it’s not impossible. It all depends on how you handle adversity, how you deal and cope with your real and perceived shortcomings, as well as on your various self-esteem practices.
I talk a lot about how to deal with insecurities, shame, self-consciousness and similar things in my Inner Game course. You can get the free early draft of it in my newsletter. It helps you become secure in yourself.
Think of it like this: if you’re confident and secure in yourself, you won’t feel the need to justify what you do or want. You’re free to live your life on your terms. It’s incredibly liberating!
But let’s get back to shamelessness. The prime example is to be someone who doesn’t shy away from your sexuality.
I have a whole popular post on being unapologetic about your sexuality on Reddit which you definitely need to check out to see what I’m talking about.
There’s nothing to be ashamed about being a regular human being who enjoys the natural and normal human experience of love and sex. If you’re always feeling guilty or embarrassed because of your sexual urges and desires, women will not find it appealing.
Bonus Confidence Secret – Physical Fitness
Let’s have a little heart-to-heart about your body. This is the one thing that’s truly yours, and no one else’s. This means your body always deserves the utmost care and attention.
If you’re trying to level up your confidence game with women, exercise should be your absolute first priority.
Exercise is the real MVP, offering heaps of health benefits you’d be silly to ignore. It boosts your mood, makes you look better and live longer. And does wonders for your overall well-being and self-esteem.
Unless there’s a major health issue stopping you, the only barriers to getting moving are laziness and a lack of willpower. And that’s just very unattractive. Since no woman wants to be with a lazy slob who doesn’t even take care of himself.
That said, it’s actually NOT NECESSARY to be physically fit to be confident. As there are plenty of confident fat slobs.
Like I said, confidence is a MINDSET and physical fitness doesn’t actually have anything to do with it if you really understand what’s going on under the hood. It’s just that it HELPS a lot of guys who aren’t confident become more confident. Because it gives them something to be proud of – a nice and healthy body.
Conclusion: A Balanced Display of Confidence is the Key
Displaying confidence around women without seeming arrogant is a balancing act. You need to shun toxic mindsets, embrace positive beliefs, engage in self-improvement, be unapologetic about your desires and handle rejection with grace. By adopting a healthy and balanced approach towards interactions with women, you can exhibit real, attractive confidence.
Remember, real confidence isn’t about perfection. It’s about being comfortable with who you are, understanding that no matter the situation, you’re going to be fine, and showing genuine interest in others without overly investing in the outcome.
As you navigate the complex world of interpersonal interactions, remember that your worth is not determined by others’ validation but by the value you see in yourself.
Confidence isn’t a destination but a journey. It involves continuous learning, growth, and self-reflection. So embrace the journey, cultivate your ‘Inner Game,’ and enjoy the process. Your enhanced confidence will not only improve your interactions with women but will also permeate every aspect of your life.
Being confident is a cocktail of many different elements. You can definitely be brimming with confidence even without being the sharpest tool in the shed or the fittest dude around. But hey, why not stack the odds in your favor as much as possible, right?