I’m Ugly! How Important Are Looks In Dating And Seduction?

Let’s talk about one of the most important and highly discussed subjects of all time. Namely, how important are looks in dating and seduction when it comes to being successful with women.

I want to get this topic out of the way once and for all. Because I’m tired of seeing a TON of misconceptions, myths and bullshit taken as truth by people who don’t know any better. Or who can’t be honest with themselves.

As well as people whining and saying things like “Oh I’m so ugly, I’m hopeless, I’ll never get a girlfriend!” When they can do a ton of stuff to make themselves more appealing and improve their overall appearance.

So let’s get to the real truth of looks, appearance and fitness in dating, pickup and seduction. So you know how this works and what’s what.

I’ve also included a current picture of myself in this post to make an important point.

Looks Are Important In Dating And Seduction. But Not Really.

First things first: Each person has their own personal taste and what they find attractive or not. You can’t really argue against this fact of life.

Also, all women are different, with their own wants, needs, likes, dislikes, desires, dreams, fears, and so on and so forth. And you have to treat each and every one as a unique individual.

However, as a group of people, we tend to gravitate towards certain aesthetics and appearances, and move away from or ignore certain others. That’s how we eventually get definitions of what’s “beautiful” and “ugly” in our society.

And just like with other things of this nature, no matter how ugly you think you are, given around 8 Billion people, there are STILL going to be those who’ll find you attractive and consider you to be “their type.”

It’s like with fetishes: No matter what random ridiculous fetish you can dream up of, some people out there are gonna like it as well. Even if your particular fetish is ridiculously obscure and rare and just 0.00002% of the population likes it, that’s still like ONE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED PEOPLE!

1600 randoms walking around the globe who like the same weird and fucked up shit as you do.

Case in point, there are people who murder others for fun, like serial killers, because that happens to be their fetish. And they STILL have some people like them and want to be with them. Mostly other psychos.

So no matter how buttfugly you think you are. Some people will have no problem with it.

Seriously, I’ve seen lots of men who look like gorillas, if not worse, have girlfriends and lovers and fuckbuddies who look like cover models. And no, they weren’t rich or famous.

Which brings me to my next point:

If you’re good at seduction, you don’t need to have great looks

By that, I mean the more you hone your seduction skillset and the better you become with women. The less importance women will put on your looks. Because you’ll just be so damn charming, charismatic and fun to be around, they simply won’t care. Since they’re gonna have the time of their lives with you.

That’s because attraction is all about how you can make women FEEL when they’re around you. Which, incidentally, is why women love bad boys so much.

Case in point, the life of the party gets laid pretty much every time (if he’s single and ready to mingle and there’s single (not even always) women around).

That’s because seduction is all about emotions. It’s not rational, it’s not logical, and it’s not a choice.

You don’t have to be good looking to be very successful with women. Although looks do help.

a fat ugly guy getting kissed by a beautiful womanWhich brings me to my other main point about looks in dating and seduction:

Good Looks In Dating And Seduction Get You More Opportunities

Great looks also make your life somewhat easier because you won’t have to put in as much effort into things for them to work out in your favor.

Also, science shows that if you have a symmetrical face, people will respond more favorably to you. They will consider you conventionally handsome and you will be thought of as more smart, capable, talented. Even if you are not. So your life WILL be easier if you’re conventionally attractive, there’s no denying that.

However, no matter who you are, no matter what you do, no matter how rich you are or what you own and how great you look — There are still going to be people who WILL NOT LIKE YOU. 

Some people hate Brad Pitt, and he’s this generation’s go-to guy reference when describing good looks. Yet some women think he’s horrible and they’re right if that’s how they feel. That’s just how it goes and it’s entirely up to them.

It’s their taste and their choice. Leave women who don’t like you to their lives respectfully and go on your merry way. Because there are few things in life that make men look more pathetic than when they can’t take rejection well and get butthurt. Respect other people and their time, just like you’d want them to respect yours.

Women have a certain “type” when it comes to appearance

Just like I say in my article on the Styles of Seduction, some women will simply not find “your type” attractive and won’t like the way you look.

For example, some women will like rocker dudes, others will like athletes. Others will want a nerdy guy, or one with a dad bod.

If you don’t happen to be her type, there’s not much you can do or change about that, you just have to accept it. It’s a part of being a mature person.

That said, there’s one really great way to become very attractive to the vast majority of women. And that’s regular exercise.

If you take an average person, a random dude off the street, and get him to work out and exercise a lot. He’ll be much more appealing to the majority of women and will get more and easier opportunities for dates and hookups.

However, if he has no clue what to do with those opportunities. Because no one’s shown him or taught him how to be social. And if he’s terrible at talking to women and having fun with them. Then he will NOT be getting laid. No matter how amazing he looks.

There’s plenty of model-looking guys with crippling anxiety and terrible success with women. These guys are all in their head too much and being their own worst enemies, psyching themselves out. Ruining their chances before they even begin talking with women.

So their amazing looks don’t do anything for them at all since they don’t get laid.

However, if good-looking guys have even a semblance of decent social skills. Or if they’re assertive, chill and don’t do anything to self-sabotage and screw up their conversations with women. Then they’ll get laid quite a bit because of their looks!

I’ll take myself as an example to show you how it works

When I was at university and between 19-24 years old, I did a ton of exercise and was very fit. But I only started learning about seduction back then.

I looked great, had sixpack abs, great arms, etc. But can you believe I was a virgin until 20?

Being fit, I got lots of glances and invitations from girls around me. But I didn’t notice or do anything about it because I was a nervous, anxious mess who didn’t have any social skills. Since I spent most of my childhood glued to my PC, playing various video games. As back then I was one of the very few kids around with a computer at home.

And being socially awkward as I was, I didn’t do anything about those opportunities when women would show interest in me. I was clueless.

Then, after tons of frustration, thinking there must be something wrong with me, I started learning about dating and seduction. And things started improving rapidly.

I was finally able to get dates, have some of them go well, and get laid.

And after a few years of devoting my life to learning everything I found on attraction, seduction, and social skills, I became really, really good at this.

Now’s the weird part…

After a few years, due to various reasons, like medical emergencies, I kind of let myself go between the ages of around 24 to 26. And became pretty chubby, not fit at all.

If you put me next to my previous fit self and ask women who they’d like to talk to. They’d never pick the fat me, at first glance.

But that didn’t stop my success, Because I took charge

Much to my surprise though, my success with women didn’t vanish. the fatter and ugleir I got.

In fact, I was several times MORE successful than when I was between the ages of 20-24 and super fit.

I literally had several fuckbuddies for every single day of the week, lined up whenever I wanted to have sex. Basically living the dream of having ridiculous abundance with women. Even though I was well below average-looking at that point and let myself go completely. I still have the photos I cringe at, when I remember how awful I looked.

Looking like that, I noticed pretty well that I was getting less and less attention from women in my day to day life. Fewer approaches and indications of interest, and far fewer glances as I used to get when I was very fit.

However, since I took the time to learn how to be very good at having fun with women and seducing them. I still got laid a lot.

That’s because I didn’t wait for opportunities to present themselves from women. I simply saw attractive women and APPROACHED them myself.

And after I spent 5-30 minutes talking to them, I’d usually get their numbers. We’d eventually meet up for a date and have fun and hook up.

Weird huh? Well, not really, because here’s the interesting part:

When you look great, you don’t have to put in as much work into it. Because women come to YOU.

When you look awful, women will not come to you. But if you have the skill and put in the work. You’ll get laid just as much, if not more, than if you just looked good and had some social skills.

And here’s an even more interesting part:

Then I went from fat to fit again, and things went crazy

As soon as I got in great shape again, after years of being fat. I started receiving lots more attention from women. And since I knew what to do and how to talk to them, it became ridiculously easy to seduce them.

That’s when I racked up my lay numbers by the hundreds in months. And broke all my records. Like sleeping with 4 different girls the same day.

So here’s how it goes:

  • No Looks and no Skill – Sad, miserable and alone.
  • Looks without Skill – Good but not great.
  • Skill without Looks – Great but not amazing.
  • Skill with Looks – FUCKING RIDICULOUS!

Here’s a recap of what exactly looks do:
They afford you more opportunities, allowing you an easier time dating and seducing people. HOWEVER, if you’re ugly but know what to do and are charming, charismatic and fun, and know how to turn on the sexual tension when necessary. You will NOT have worse results. They’ll just come relatively harder.

Good looks make a great first impression and ease the way.

That said, if I were to go to a busy club with many single hot women and stand next to a male model. And if you then asked the girls there who they’d want to meet and hang out with. Then I wouldn’t be surprised at all if most (if not all) picked the model dude. First impressions.

However, if I had an opportunity to spend 5-30 minutes with each of those single hot girls 1-on-1, I’d bet good money that most of them would go home together with me, and forget about that model dude altogether 😉

That’s why you approach. THAT’S the true power of being good at seduction. It completely trumps every other natural advantage.

Now, let’s get to the most important and practical part.

Regular Exercise Will Supercharge Your Dating And Make Life Easier

Ok, so do you consider yourself a smart person?

Well, if you don’t make the effort to exercise regularly, you’re a fucking idiot! 

And I mean that in the most sincere way possible. You’re literally not making use of the biggest thing, by far, that will skyrocket your success in dating and seduction.

Once again, you’d be a complete and utter fool not to exercise regularly throughout your life.

So unless you have some kind of DEBILITATING mental or physical condition, in which case you’re shit out of luck but there’s not much you can do about that, then you HAVE to exercise Throughout your whole life. It’s imperative.

a fat and fit man standing next to each other for comparison

It’s the single most effective and valuable thing you can do. And not just for your dating life but life in general.

The reasons why people should exercise are simply too many to name, without this turning into a novel. But the main one is because you’ll LIVE LONGER!

This fact is undisputed and proven by every bit of medical science there is. Ask any doctor in any country, they will reccommend regular exercise.

Regular exercise not only makes you live longer on average, but provides a TON of other invaluable benefits:

  • Protects against and prevents chronic diseases.
  • Improves memory and brain function.
  • Improves mood, reduces anxiety, depression and stress.
  • Keeps your immune system at peak performance.
  • Regulates blood pressure and improves the quality of your sleep.
  • Keeps your thinking, learning, and judgment skills sharp. Especially as you age.

All this, no matter the age group, the gender, or anything else.

So if you’re smart and your health is important to you, you will exercise.

Because if you don’t exercise, smart people will not respect you. I will not respect you.

Being fit maximizes your chances with women

Here’s how looks in dating and seduction work in a nutshell: If you’re fat, you’re going to interest fewer and fewer girls, the more fat you get.

When you’re fit, you’re going to interest more and more girls, the more fit you get.

So if you’re smart, you’d want to maximize your chances of success. right? I mean, why wouldn’t you?

So unless you have some debilitating medical condition where you can’t physically do much of anything, you need to work out.

So now’s the perfect time for you to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE and decide to work out regularly.

The biggest reasons I get for people not exercising is because they’re lazy, not motivated enough, have low will power.

Well guess what? Tough shit! If you can’t even respect yourself enough to take care of yourself. Why would you even think that a self-respecting woman of quality would EVER want to have anything to do with you?

That’s right. People who are worth being with will notice that you’re not taking care of yourself and your own body. And they won’t want to associate with you. They will not want to be your friends, partners, or lovers.

If you’re lazy and don’t have the willpower or the motivation to work out and get in shape. Then it’s no wonder you have bad success with women. You’ve given up on yourself and women see this and want nothing to do with you.

You are responsible for your own life, no one else will do this for you!

You can cry about it all you want. But it’s entirely up to you if you’re going to have a good life or not.

I know, that’s not fair, but that’s how it works. No one in the world, except your family (not even always) will give two shits about your well being.

YOU have to take care of this YOURSELF!

saulisdating photo of myself showing results of exercising and being fit and demonstrating how looks in dating and seduction workThis is an ACTUAL PHOTO OF MYSELF that I took just now, writing this post. Yes, I actually practice what I preach.

I’m painfully average-looking when it comes to my face. But I’m very fit at 37 (April 2023) because I respect myself enough to take care of myself and my body. (I need to shave my armpits tho lol)

So stop being a lazy idiot and make the most of your life by working out regularly. And I mean AT LEAST 3 times a week,. Even better would be 4-5 where you get at least 1 hour of moderate to intense strength training or cardio exercise 3-4 times,a nd 1-2 times of yoga/stretching per week.

You literally have 0 reasons not to do it because not only will you look much better than you do now. But you’ll also feel better about yourself. Which will make you feel more confident in general.

You’ll have less stress because there won’t be as much cortisol running through your body. And you’ll also feel more energetic throughout the day.

And you’ll receive many more interested looks from a lot more women. Which you’ll have to approach and talk to. And if you tickle their emotions the right way and play with them in a man to woman kind of way. They’ll want to sleep with you as well.

The hours of your life you spend exercising are the hours that will bring you the most dividends in return. Even more than your work hours will.

Do these things and you’ll have all the women you want in your life.

But exercise is half the battle, you also need a good diet

Lastly, exercise alone won’t make you look amazing if all you do is eat cakes and pizza.

Ask any fitness expert, they’ll tell you that exercise is only half the battle, if not less.

The other piece of the puzzle is your diet. And it’s a HUGE part of taking good care of yourself.

Eating well requires willpower and commitment.

And if you can’t commit to eating well and taking care of yourself. Why would you think women would want to commit to YOU?

Again, eating well is a massive part of taking care of yourself. And if you don’t take care of yourself, women will like you much less than they otherwise would.

So take this into account and fix your diet.

Your Style And Clothes Also Help With Dating

Now that you know the importance of looks in dating and seduction, a few words on appearance and style.

Some people have great style and some have terrible style.

To be stylish, you don’t need to have expensive clothes.

It’s all about understanding what looks aesthetically pleasing. About matching colors, clothes and designs through their combinations and to your personality to make you look alive.

It’s what makes you remarkable. Worthy of attention. Striking.

Or unremarkable, if your clothes are bland, colorless, lifeless.

If you’re unremarkable, women will give you less attention and will overlook you.

To be remarkable, you have to figure out and work on your style.

This is where having female friends will help you a lot. Or a gay guy friend. Because they can teach you or help you find your look.

This is also a skill you can learn, just like seduction.

That said, it’s just a bonus and not a must.

Personally, I just know the basics of good style. Like how to match colors, shoes, belts, etc. And I don;’t care all that much to get really deep into this subject. I just know it helps. And the better you’re at it, the more it helps.

My skillset in seduction more than offsets any negative outcomes I get from lack of style.

But just imagine if you were fit, had great seduction skills and a really good understanding of style. The results would be out of this world, I guarantee!

I can teach you the skills. Someone else can teach you about style. But it’s 100% on you to hit the gym and work out.

Luckily, to become a master at seducing women on dates, all you need to do is go and read everything here: The Saulis Dating Guide.



saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.

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