Both attention seeking behavior and approval seeking behavior is wrecking your chances with women, and here’s why:
If you’re always seeking approval from others, it means that you haven’t yet matured as a person.
Table of Contents
- 1 Why we seek approval, attention and validation from others
- 2 So how do you stop seeking approval from others?
- 3 So how do you fix this attention seeking disorder?
Why we seek approval, attention and validation from others
Because approval-seeking behavior is a real issue, many social psychologists call it approval or attention seeking disorder, and argue the following point:
When you are a child, you need to seek approval.
This is because if a child doesn’t get approval, acceptance and validation from an adult, their chances of survival are slim.
Consequently, seeking approval and being cute is a survival mechanism in children. They have an innate and programmed need to seek validation from others, just to survive.
When we reach adulthood, we learn the importance of validating ourselves.
However, to the detriment of your social skills, most people still have some remnant of their infant tendencies left, especially with mother and father figures, which makes them still want to seek approval from others, if they haven’t developed a healthy self-esteem yet.
And it’s quite unsurprising, really, because if someone approves of us or of something we do – we like it – it feels great!
But the real problem starts if people start to actively seek approval from others!
This eventually turns into a strong need for validation.
So how do you stop seeking approval from others?
In order to stop seeking validation from others, you need to work on yourself as a person, develop a healthy self-esteem and self-sufficiency.
Stop doing certain things in life like bragging, qualifying yourself or changing your behavior to please others, etc., along with any other form of outcome-dependent behavior.
Approval seeking is seen as an incredibly unattractive quality by the vast majority of people!
So you need to get to a point where negative reactions by others aren’t taken personally as a reflection of your self-image, and start relying on yourself for your feelings instead.
It’s not an easy task, but you can learn how to not take the reactions of other people so personally, if you really work on yourself.
I mean, do you REALLY need someone’s approval? Would you suddenly stop breathing and DIE if you didn’t receive it?
Of course not! So stop putting so much emphasis on someone else’s opinion!
So take a moment to reflect on yourself and your life, think on it, ask the right kinds of questions and decide for yourself what kind of person you want to be.
Why would you lead your life and make choices and let your behaviors be guided by your own personal appraisal of what other people may or may not be thinking about you?
If you really think about it – it sounds quite stupid! Most people don’t even care that you exist – they have their own lives, their own insecurities, worries and responsibilities. They simply DON’T CARE about yours, unless you’re someone who’s close to them!
In my business, I deal a lot with approval seeking behavior, because in dating, it’s one of the most unattractive qualities a man can display to a woman since it demonstrates emotional insecurity, neediness, and a complete lack of self-confidence.
So how do you fix this attention seeking disorder?
In the end, all it takes is conscious discipline and willpower.
Try to catch yourself in the act when you are thinking of doing something that might be construed as approval or attention seeking, and change your thought pattern.
You’re texting someone a lot of times and they don’t reply. You automatically start thinking that the person doesn’t like you or something is wrong. This is inherently an approval seeking behavior.
So you keep texting and asking the person what’s wrong, making the situation even worse!
What you need to do is to consciously disallow yourself from texting and asking what’s wrong and avoid that action of approval seeking with your willpower and conscious discipline. You need to catch yourself in the moments when you notice your need for approval, and change your thought pattern!
However, consciously controlling your mind takes practice.
It is quite a difficult thing to achieve, because it isn’t as easy to control your mind, your thoughts and your emotions as it is to control your body.
So instead, when you start to feel those negative approval-seeking thoughts creeping in – think of something entirely different and positive instead.
For example, remind yourself that you are who you are and that it’s no bad thing. That you like yourself and even love yourself.
Remind yourself that all the people who know you best; your family and best friends – all like you.
Consequently, if that person who you are actually seeking approval from doesn’t know you or like you the same way the people who know you best do, then maybe that person doesn’t know you well enough yet or is just too different from you to really appreciate you.
Then why would you even want to seek approval from such a person?
So you can dismiss your state of approval seeking behavior by replacing it with thoughts that bolster your feelings of confidence self-love instead. Then your need for approval will disappear.
Of course, this all hinges on the fact that you actually have to like yourself!
If you don’t, then work on that. Because constantly seeking validation from others is a mentally unhealthy thing to do!
I hope I explained this adequately and you begin to understand why in adults, an innate need for approval from others is something you have to get rid of!
It might be a hard concept to grasp, but it all depends on self-reflection and learning to control your negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones.
Hope this helps you get some perspective and sets you on the right path.
Finally, attention seeking behavior is also closely related to neediness.
You can learn how to stop being needy right here: How to Remove Neediness From Your Interactions!
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you want to learn how to get most of your insecurities like approach anxiety, fear of rejection, nervousness and shyness handled – sign up for my free newsletter below this article, to get a full free course on how to do that!
If, on the other hand, you’re more interested in the practical stuff – what you need to say and do on dates so that they end up in casual sex or with you getting a girlfriend – then grab my full guide about it at Saulis Dating!
And finally, do you personally display any signs of approval-seeking behavior, neediness, and other unattractive traits? What are your sticking points and what would you like to fix?
Tell me in the comments below and let’s discuss!