This time I’m going to talk about how to truly be a happy person in your day to day life, about the key to happiness, and about living your life how you want to.
This is crucial reading if you want to find yourself.
However, to be able to explain everything adequately, I’m going to talk about something very controversial first:
Table of Contents
- 1 Your Pursuit of Happiness is Ruining Your Inner Game!
- 2 If you base your happiness on external things – you’re living in expectancy!
- 3 Trying to Find Meaning in the Meaningless.
- 4 There are no excuses to not change your life if you’re not happy with it.
Your Pursuit of Happiness is Ruining Your Inner Game!
Inner Game in regards to success with women, as opposed to Outer Game which is technique-based, is the opinion you have of yourself (your self-esteem) and the pursuits in life that make you interesting and successful. This all contributes to your self-confidence.
And your pursuit of happiness is completely ruining your self-esteem and self-confidence.
I’m saying this because I’ve noticed a very distinct pattern when asking a certain question to my 1-on-1 coaching clients who come to me to get their Inner Game problems fixed.
When I ask them “What is your ultimate goal when it comes to getting your Inner Game issues handled, and what do you want to achieve?”
The replies that I get the most, besides “I want to be successful with women”, are: “I want to be happy”, “I want to get to a point where I’m happy in life”, or “My goal is to become happy”.
Well, let me tell you something if you don’t already know this… Happiness can never be a goal because there will never be a moment in your life where you just go – POOF – and you’re happy forever!
Life’s not a video game where you do a certain amount of things, get enough experience, level up – and boom – you’re a new happier person! That is why pursuing that “magical moment in the future” – where you can be happy – is a complete waste of your time and energy, and inherently a fool’s errand. It can never be done, by anyone, ever – simply because life is always going to have its ups and downs, and because no one can lead a perfect existence, whatever it may be.
So, here’s something that people need to realize to lead better lives – The negative is as much part of life as is the positive. There are always going to be moments in anyone’s life where they are going to feel unhappy, no matter how many positive events have happened before that.
The trick to being happy is to choose to be happy, whenever you want and feel like it. In fact, you can learn how to do this at will.
Why Pursuing Happiness Will Prevent You From Actually Solving Your Issues
I’m going to get very philosophical here, but in order to understand why pursuing happiness is a silly proposition, you have to understand a couple of things. This will most likely also become quite long-winded – but I’ll explain it so that even a 10-year-old would understand.
First of all, let’s say you want to be happy.
Well, let’s think about it – what would make someone happy? In fact, what would make YOU happy?
The First Problem
Well, if you’re reading this blog – you’re probably someone who wants to become more successful with women than you already are. You probably want to learn how to easily get a girlfriend, or start various casual and serious relationships, one night stands, flings with many different women, have some fun, get laid a lot, etc.
Well, what if you met a gorgeous woman tomorrow, at a local bar, who also happens to be smart, funny, interesting, and shares your hobbies and interests. Your dream girl, in other words. You then walk up to her, engage her in conversation, and things seem to go well. You then spend a fun evening with her, and eventually, she ends up at your place and you sleep with her. Then you both wake up, have sex again, and are eager to date each other, or at least meet on occasion to have lots of fun.
Would that make you HAPPY? I’m very sure that it would, just as it would make many other guys in a similar situation happy…
Well, but what if you already had an ever more awesome girlfriend waiting for you at home, someone who’s arguably much better than this gorgeous girl you’ve hypothetically met at the local bar. Plus, your girlfriend also happens to like threesomes, and frequently has her hot girl friends over your place where they both frequently please you in bed.
Would that sound like a dream situation for you?
Well then, if the second scenario were true, would you then feel as happy sleeping with that random hot girl you met at the local bar? Or would it just be meh – yet another normal experience for you, and nothing out of the ordinary because it didn’t bring anything new and exciting to your life to warrant any huge feelings from you? I bet you wouldn’t even consider sleeping with her if you already had sex 4 times that day with someone much better and more fun, who’s also waiting for you back at home.
This new girl would bring no extra happiness to your life.
Here’s another example:
Would me giving you a million dollars, right now, make you happy?
Not that I have even close to that kind of money – but of course, it would! It would make you ecstatic, brimming with joy, full of glee and delight! You wouldn’t be able to believe your luck and feel super happy and giddy, for days, weeks, months, or even years!
Well, unless, of course, you already happen to be a BILLIONAIRE. In which case, a measly million dollars would be a completely irrelevant thing to you – it would be another MEH moment…
Or, what if the world collapsed into a post-apocalyptic scenario, and money became worthless… would that million dollars even make you blink?
You see? That’s the first problem with happiness – it’s all completely subjective and relative. It all depends on what you think you need and want, from moment to moment. What’s trash to one person, can be a treasure for another, and vice versa.
When you’re starving to death – a half-eaten hotdog laying on the ground near a dumpster will make you feel happy when you find it. When you’re full, have a job, and the supermarkets are filled to the brim with yummy food – you won’t even consider eating that dumpster-dog because it’s “beneath you”.
So, you may now be thinking that your happiness depends on where you are in your life right now, on what your goals are and how well you can achieve them, on getting what you are currently LACKING, and how much something would positively affect your life if it happened to you. Right?
Well, you’d be very wrong to think that, because this would mean that your happiness would not depend on you at all, but instead on other things – external things that you have no control over. As in, if something good happened to you – you’d feel happy. And, if something bad happened – you’d feel unhappy.
That is exactly the bad kind of thinking I want you to avoid because if that were true, it would mean that you have ZERO CONTROL of your life and state of happiness. Would you want to live in a world like that, where you knew that you had absolutely no say in these things? Would you be content with being a victim of “fate”?
In fact, do you even believe in “fate”?
My goal is to show you that your happiness depends ONLY on you and you alone – and not on anything else.
My goal is to show you that you can choose to be happy, whenever the fuck you want, simply by realizing certain things, employing certain mindsets, and then learning how to make the best out of every situation.
To that effect, let me show you why your happiness can’t depend on external things.
The Second Problem
Ok – so let’s say you got your awesome new girlfriend who’s everything you’ve ever wanted, and you’ve also got yourself 10 million dollars, maybe by starting a successful company, winning the lottery, or through a great investment, etc. You were lacking women and money, and you got them.
Incidentally, these are the two biggest lacks that most men tell me about when they seek my help. They want to become more wealthy, and they want to become successful with women. They say if they can achieve those two things – they’ll become HAPPY!
Well, like I said – let’s say you achieved them. You now have a hot girlfriend, and maybe even several fuckbuddies who all know and like one another, as well as a successful business which brings you a few million a year – and now you’re happy as a clam, right?
Well, now let’s say that in a little while, your mother dies. Or your best friend. Or you get diagnosed with some bullshit disease, like diabetes. And they have to chop off your leg to save you because diabetes fucked up your blood flow. Or maybe both of your balls rot and fall off, making you infertile and giving you the voice of a castrati angel.
Suddenly, you’re not happy anymore. But hey – you still have the awesome girlfriend, and you still have those 10 million dollars, which if you were smart has made you even more money…
So why aren’t you happy anymore… even though you’ve got everything you ever wanted?
Naturally, you’ll now say to me “But new problems arose! Now I’m sick, have no leg, no balls, and my mom and best friend died – all of which made me feel very sad!” etc.
Well, so what? Were these things never “meant” to happen?
That’s the whole thing about life – NEW PROBLEMS ARE GOING TO ARISE ALL THE TIME! You can’t expect them not to – that’s not how life works.
We’re not living in a fairy tale. Life is not a straight line – it will always have its ups and downs which can happen at ABSOLUTELY ANY MOMENT – and if you achieve one thing that makes you happy, there can always be something else that can make you sad.
Here’s another example:
The weather’s wonderful, someone you admire paid you a compliment, you found 100$ – and suddenly you’re having a wonderful day and feeling happy! But then you get home and stub your toe, and your Router breaks down so you don’t have an internet connection for the whole weekend because the guy who can fix it can come only on MONDAY. Suddenly, you’re NOT happy.
Your previous state of happiness completely evaporated because you let external things control it.
You see what I’m getting at? Your life will always be in a state of flux, so you can’t base your happiness on the things that happen in it – EVER – or you will NEVER be happy for any prolonged period of time.
And why would you even want to live your life constantly chasing that high of happiness in the first place? Maybe that new car will make you feel happy! Maybe that new relationship is going to make you happy! Maybe that new high-paying job will make you happy! Maybe it will, or maybe it won’t – in any case, you’ll feel happy until something negative happens when you don’t feel happy anymore.
People set goals for themselves, they achieve those goals – and it makes them feel happy for a while. Then the high wears off, new problems arise, new journeys begin – but where did the happiness suddenly go? Did it evaporate? If you were truly happy because something positive happened to you – shouldn’t you continue to be happy after a year because of it, despite some negative stuff?
This is the second problem with happiness – it never lasts if you base it on external things.
If you base your happiness on external things – you’re living in expectancy!
When you let external things control your life – you are always looking forward to the moment when you “get something”, or “achieve something”, or for when “something good happens in your life which will make you happy!”, and think that these future events will solve all of your problems once you get to them.
Seneca once said “The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today. You are arranging what is in Fortune’s control and abandoning what lies in yours.”
For example, here are some of the stories that we usually tell ourselves:
- Things will be better once I’m not a kid anymore
- Things will be better once I grow tall enough
- Things will be better once I graduate from school
- Things will be better once I get a girlfriend/boyfriend
- Things will be better once I have sex and lose my virginity
- Things will be better once I move out of mom’s place
- Things will be better once I buy a car
- Things will get better once I get my own house
- Things will get better once I get that promotion
- Things will get better when my child is born
- Things will get better once the kids grow up
- Things will get better once the divorce is filed
- Things will get better once I retire and start enjoying my life
and so on, and so forth, depending on each and every person…
As a result, our own minds betray us by creating the illusion of a better tomorrow, one which we start looking forward to and forgetting about the present.
To our minds, today is not good enough and we must anxiously await the promised land of tomorrow. Unfortunately, a lot of people eventually realize, more often than not when it’s entirely too late, that they’ve been fooling themselves.
How many years of waiting will it take you to realize that the quality of your life is not entirely dependent on your outside circumstances?
Tomorrow is not even guaranteed – so why would you sacrifice what you have today at the moment for it?
True freedom and peace of mind is to embrace the present moment entirely. It comes when you realize that life will never change unless you change your perception of it. If you cannot enjoy what you have now, how are you going to enjoy what you have tomorrow? Because tomorrow, you will think of other things to look forward to, perpetuating your expectancy and forgetting about enjoying the now – the actual life you have and lead from day to day.
You may now say: “But I will have more stuff in the future! Of course, that’ll make me happier than now when I don’t have these things!”
First of all, that is by no means guaranteed, because you don’t even know what will happen in the future. You may leave your house tomorrow and randomly get hit by a car, or a brick falls off the rooftop of your apartment building and smashes your head in – leaving you dead on the ground. You will never know the moment of your death, and it may come at any moment whatsoever, so planning for some “distant future” when things are going to get better because you will own more stuff, have more experience, etc. is a ridiculous thing.
But yes, you may have a better house, car, computer, phone, and maybe you will have paid off your student debt, gotten an inheritance, or something else in the future. However, even if you do get those things, your mind will STILL find new problems to fixate on – always!
New problems will always arise because that’s just how life works. And it won’t matter if you had something grand and incredibly positive happen to you just before your new problems arose because that happiness will simply fade away.
This is where The Hedonic Treadmill, aka Hedonic Adaptation, comes into play.
It’s a concept which shows that there’s an observed tendency in humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes.
You might have gotten a better job, but now you have to deal with a cheating boyfriend/girlfriend. You might have got out of the bad and abusive relationship, but now you have to deal with the stress of losing a loved one. Are you able to see what’s going on here?
Do not for one moment think that the day will come when all your problems are gone. Even people who’ve attained great wealth, and experienced all the pleasures that they ever wanted still have problems.
This perfect tomorrow that people keep looking forward to will never come. Like I said before, there’s absolutely no guarantee that you will even reach it because death can come unexpectedly, at any time. The only life you have is the one you are experiencing RIGHT NOW, this very moment that you’re reading my blog.
All you can do is enhance your experience in the present moment by paying more attention to it. This view of life is incredibly liberating, and it helps you lead a happier and more fulfilling life.
And, understanding that life is inherently full of problems that will never cease to arise throughout your lifespan is not pessimism. It is an entirely realistic outlook that allows you to aspire to develop a better tomorrow without jeopardizing what you already have today. It lets you enjoy the present moment.
As a result, you will not be blinded by the illusion of a perfect tomorrow, allowing you to fully embrace today.
If you realize this, you may find yourself enjoying your day to day life much more. You may find yourself looking at a sunset more often, hugging those you care about just a little tighter, enjoying your food a little slower, walking down the park a little more leisurely and taking in all the sights around you. Simply taking the time to enjoy the view – any view. Even looking at how the trees and the leaves shuffle, feeling the breeze in your hair, enjoying the company of yourself and other people around you will bring you joy if you let it.
When you take the time to think these things over and enjoy the now, you become more present, happy, and content. And, when you eventually and finally put two and two together – you get that you can’t base your happiness on external things, and that it’s all relative and subjective to each individual person, meaning that what may make one person happy will not necessarily make someone else feel the same amount of happiness or even any happiness at all!
Happiness is an “inside” job. Don’t wait for someone or something to MAKE you happy. Instead, DO things that bring you joy, and feel happy for doing them by being present and in the now.
All of which means that happiness in itself can NEVER be a goal – and is simply a state of mind.
We’ve established that happiness is simply a state of mind – so what now?
Well, the funny thing about states of your mind is… you can learn to control them and use them to your advantage.
You can learn to control your own happiness – and feel it whenever you want to!
In fact, You can even feel happy RIGHT NOW if you choose to. Why?
Well, why not? It’s a wonderful day outside, no matter the weather – and, you’re alive and not dead – so why not be happy because of that?
You don’t have a terminal disease – something that millions of other people have – so why not be happy?
Or, even if you do have a terminal disease – you got to EXPERIENCE LIFE – something that an incomprehensible number of potential human beings who were never born never got to experience – so why not be happy because of that? You may have never even been born to see this world – did you ever think about that?
Which brings me to another funny thing – the fact that you’re born and got to experience this universe is an improbable miracle.
So yeah – you can now freely say to anyone that you ARE a special snowflake. Just as special as billions of other special snowflakes that were born on this planet, completely at random. Maybe your father would have jerked off that one extra time and you would have gone down the drain with millions of your other unborn siblings. And the person who’d be born instead of you, at a later time – would NOT BE YOU.
He or she would have been a completely different individual to the who you are, and you wouldn’t have even existed in the first place to come bother me with your questions about Inner Game and Success with Women. (Don’t worry, it’s no bother at all, I’m here to help you if you need it ;))
Anyway, I got carried away a little bit there – but the point remains: You can choose to be happy at absolutely any time you want. You just have to find a reason to be happy – and you can feel happy.
So here’s reason number one – which always works: “Hey, at least I’m alive and not dead”.
Whoop Dee Fucking Doo! Don’t you feel special now?
But all irony aside – let’s get even deeper, to really give you a proper mind-fuck.
Trying to Find Meaning in the Meaningless.
You know who the happiest people in the world are? Those who simply enjoy their life because they’re alive, are present, and cherish every moment, day to day, without giving much of a fuck about what others tell them to do or how they should lead their lives. They live life the way they want to, and not according to how someone else wants them to lead it. As a side effect, they also tend to not judge other people.
These (sadly infrequent) men and women have one crucial thing in common – They understand that life has no meaning and that they can live it WHICHEVER WAY THEY WANT.
Fact is – no one knows the meaning of life. And anyone who claims to know it is a liar at best, and completely delusional at worst.
Simply put – no one has a manual on life and no one knows what to do. We’re all improvising as we go along.
We’re all born as a little blubbering, ignorant mess, and, while growing up, we adopt the teachings, doctrines, and knowledge of other people who ALSO have no clue as to how anyone is supposed to live. We as people can only guess as to how we’re supposed to live – no one knows the true answer simply because there isn’t one.
Rick and Morty said it best: “Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s going to die.”
Simply put – you were randomly born here, your existence has zero purpose because no one knows what the fuck is going on in the first place, and how or why we’re here. You’re going to live your life in one way or another – and then you’ll eventually die, pretty much at any random moment – or if you’re lucky – when you grow old and your heart or other organs fail because they’re too worn and old to keep functioning properly. That is the inevitable conclusion.
However, there’s something grander here.
“We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Sahara. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of those stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here. We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds, how dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state from which the vast majority have never stirred?”
[- Professor Richard Dawkins]
So, what’s your goal in life? To get an education, find a good job, get a nice wife, buy a nice home, get a decent car, have some kids, grow old, and then die?
Well, that’s probably a nice way to live, but who’s to say that THAT is the correct or even a good way to live your life?
For one person that may sound like the perfect life. For someone else that may sound like the stupidest, most dull, boring, unfulfilling as fuck existence that they’d rather poke their eyes out than lead.
Some people may find no happiness or fulfillment in that lifestyle. They’d rather travel the world, see the sights, fuck everyone they meet who’s into them, make hundreds of babies, and die in some opium den happy to have lived and experienced this bullshit roller-coaster and glad to be done with it.
Who’s to say that this other way to lead your life is WRONG, or even bad?
Government? Religion? Friends? Family? They can’t tell you how you’re supposed to live because they don’t know themselves what life is about and what the hell is going on. They can only suggest or FORCE you (or at least try to) to lead your life according to how THEY would want you to lead it. According to their doctrines, laws, teachings, preferences, beliefs, ideals, values, etc. But who’s to say that any of these things are right or wrong? There is no authority on the matter because no one has the answer.
Knowing all this – why not instead cut out all the bullshit, and decide to lead your life according to how YOU want to lead it – and NO ONE ELSE. Enjoy your time here, and choose to be happy as much as you can, whenever you want to, just for shits and giggles.
And I say “As much as you can” because no one can be happy ALL of the time. Because as I said before, life will ALWAYS have its ups and downs. So just push through the sad, stressful, and bad days, and choose to feel happy on the neutral and good ones. Simply because you’re alive and can enjoy your existence a bit more.
Well… Unfortunately, there’s another problem looming on the horizon which prevents a lot of people from choosing to be happy.
People want others to guide them – to show them how to live.
That’s another fundamental problem of people with low self-esteem, and those with bad inner game. This also separates the unhappy masses from the few individuals who are truly happy.
Many people draw a parallel between sheep and people – and call them sheeple. While that’s quite derogatory, it’s not that far from the truth for a lot of people. Because if they can’t figure out stuff on their own and what they want out of life — they’ll usually want others to it show them.
If you haven’t educated yourself or haven’t received proper guidance when you were a kid or even as an adult – or maybe due to various other reasons you failed to understand and decide how you’d want to live life for yourself – you will inevitably turn to someone else for help and guidance on how you should lead your life.
People naturally want to join various groups who will show or teach them how to live and what to do. And, there are a lot of people and groups which will gladly exploit someone like that to make life better for themselves and to achieve THEIR goals.
And that’s where, for example, religion steps in. Religion is just one example out of many. Most people want to be guided by others because they simply don’t know what to do with themselves. So, they start following some teaching or doctrine and decide to live their life according to it, regardless of whether they actually truly believe in that doctrine and dogma. Or if they just do it because it fills a “void” in their life — basically out of convenience. Effectively, they relieve themselves of the responsibility of their own lives – and give their lives away to others and to someone else’s cause (and not their own)
What’s worse, some people are brainwashed FROM BIRTH to follow someone else’s teachings and doctrine. Effectively screwing up their life and chance of happiness and fulfillment right from the get-go.
Some people may even become happy for a while when doing this – following some kind of group/religion/cult/etc. But most people won’t, once they realize they’re in a group of people where certain individuals on top gain the best and most benefits, while exploiting the others.
And let’s not kid ourselves here. In any large group, given enough members, those on top will always enjoy more “fruits”, benefits, resources (money) and so on, than those in the middle, or those at the bottom. That’s how large group dynamics work – there’s always a bigger benefactor who has more privileges over everyone else in the group, in any hierarchical structure. Otherwise, it can’t function. You can even expand this view to countries. You think in the United States, “the beacon of democracy,” the people on top don’t enjoy more “fruits” than the middle class or the lower class? Read some unbiased the news and do some research and you’ll see the writing on the wall. The top 1% is completely exploiting the population.
Let’s take the army and the government as another example.
Would the people of one country naturally hate the people of some other country? Of course, they wouldn’t. They’d naturally want to be peaceful towards each other and find a way to prosper together. However, the goal of any leader and government is to expand its influence, gain more power, resources, and domain. That’s why creating an “us vs. them” dynamic is crucial to any government. When you make your population hate another population, it’s easy to draft people into the army and justify a war. A war where many innocent people and soldiers die in vain, and only the select few individuals behind the scenes profit and gain more power and influence from it. That’s why patriotism and nationalism, as well as national pride, is heavily promoted by any government and country.
No sane individual would willingly want to draft himself or herself into the army and go kill other people. Unless they’re pushed into a corner and there is absolutely no other choice. However, it’s easy to influence impressionable minds. Especially the people who don’t know what they want out of life. And give them a purpose that serves not them, but others.
How did the Word War and WW2 start? You think the people just up and decided one fine day to gather en-masse and go slaughter other people? Their leaders and government led them to that point.
Proud to be an American? Proud to be a German? Proud to be an Australian? How can you be proud of something you had no control and say over? You were randomly born in your random country – you didn’t achieve this so there is absolutely no reason to be proud of your non-achievement.
When you separate yourself by belief, nationality, tradition, country, religion, etc – you are being violent because you will naturally start to have “enemies”. Someone from another group of various opposing views, beliefs and ideals. You are then effectively separating yourself from the rest of HUMANKIND.
A truly free and happy person does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political party, or partial system. He or she is only concerned with leading his or her life the way he or she wants, and with the total understanding of humankind.
But I’m straying way too far from the main point here:
Those who are truly and often happy don’t want or need anyone else to show them how to live their lives. Because they live their life exactly ACCORDING TO HOW THEY WANT TO.
They live their lives for THEMSELVES, and not for someone else!
Incidentally, here’s how this applies to Inner Game and being successful with women: If you live your life according to how you want to, and for yourself – you’ll never be desperate, needy, or seek attention and validation from others. You will be perfectly happy and content with yourself, moving forward as an independent and self-reliant individual toward your set goals and having a purpose in life, whatever it may be. And you’ll naturally be much more attractive to women than any other guy who’s desperate and needy. Who wants others to tell and show them what to do.
Isn’t that a completely liberating mindset?
Certain individuals understand that there is no meaning in life, and they are okay with it. They also understand that no one can tell them with any real authority how they should lead their lives. Instead, they take charge themselves and take control of their life into their own hands. As a result, they just live life to enjoy it as much as they can, set various goals, achieve them, and experience as much as they can while they’re here. These individuals essentially do whatever the fuck they want, and are incredibly happy for it. Sometimes they’re sad, but that’s only natural.
Now, at the risk of sounding like a braggart – I pretty much did and do whatever the hell I want in life. My chosen path was anything but “standard”, and certainly way out of the “norm”. I never had what you could describe as a “normal” job, never did what anyone asked of me if I didn’t want to do it, and never wanted anyone to show me how to live. As a result, I’ve felt happy for most of my life and still do. There are a lot of people who are incredibly happy living life they way they want – whatever that way may be. It’s not a problem-free life, and there are many ups and downs and obstacles to overcome. But the results are always worth it and most people can do this too.
There are no excuses to not change your life if you’re not happy with it.
NOTHING is stopping you – if you really think about it – except yourself.
“Oh but I’m tied to this job, I can’t leave!” – Well, lots of people have just up and quit their jobs, sold all their shit, and went traveling abroad for a time. Why can’t you?
“Oh I don’t have money to even buy a bus ticket – I can’t change my predicament!” – Well, you have legs, don’t you? Nothing is stopping you from packing some essentials and just start walking in some random direction – just to change your life. Many people just said “Fuck it”, and started walking somewhere to change their live by relocating. To survive, they got random odd jobs like manual labor or whatever, just to make ends meet. It may not be glamorous – but they changed their life by deciding to just do whatever it takes to get away from the life they didn’t like or enjoy anymore.
NOTHING is stopping you unless you’re literally bedridden because of some disease.
“Oh but I have family, I can’t leave them!” – Sure you can. Your attachments are all in your head – subjective and relative, just like happiness. You can choose to ignore them and move forward. You can always visit them if you want when you get a chance.
This may seem super assholish, but You owe no one anything. You don’t even owe your parents anything. Thank them and be grateful for giving you birth – but go and live your own life because they don’t own you.
Remember the olden days, where young lads, when they reached a certain age (like 12-20, depending on the culture) – they simply left their home and went out into the big wide world, seeking their fortune. They took a leap of faith, never knowing where they’d end up – and left to see what they could do with themselves.
People don’t do that these days – but why not? You can’t find yourself and can’t realize what you want out of YOUR life, without going out into the world and experimenting, seeing what clicks with you, what you enjoy, what you dislike, and what your passion or hobby will be. When I turned 18, I left my home country and went to live in Sweden – completely alone, with zero social skills, having no money, friends, or family there. It worked out swimmingly for me. It might have failed – who knows – but I worked my ass off to make sure it didn’t.
Too many people let others dictate the course of their lives, and don’t take charge themselves, either because they’re afraid, or because they’re doubting themselves. This breeds massive insecurities, self-esteem issues, and makes men pussies. Then they go to websites like mine and seek help. Which is at least a step in the right direction, because educating oneself is the only way out of ignorance – and helping develop your self-esteem, masculinity, and confidence is going to help you eventually figure things out.
It’s great that we have the internet now – we can just look stuff up. That’s another reason why you should consider yourself lucky and your life as yet another miracle – you were born to witness the age of information, and now have the ability to read my words. How Lucky are you, man?
As a contrast, if you were born 5000, 500, or even 100 years ago – HOW LONG WOULD YOU EVEN SURVIVE?
Really take the time to think about it – would you survive 500 years ago, the way you are now, out in the world? Or would you get exploited and slaughtered by someone stronger, smarter, or simply more manly than you?
Hundreds of years ago, the average lifespan was 30-35. Now it’s 72. Try to enjoy that lifespan and cram as many experiences as you can before you die.
In fact, let’s talk about the biggest regret that the elderly have on their deathbeds. Their regret is never something like “Oh I regret not earning those 5 million dollars by working my ass off for most of my life when I was younger!”
Their regrets are always about their experiences – a couple of the ones they did and things went sour, but mostly, the ones they DIDN’T get to experience. The girl they never approached. The job they never took. The friend they never visited. The parents they never hugged.
So, make your life about having as many enjoyable, interesting, fun, exciting, or otherwise positive (and sometimes even negative) experiences as you can cram into it. You’ll be happier this way – and will not have many regrets when your time will be up.
When you live your life this way – according to how YOU want to – you will be much happier then the vast majority of people on this planet who follow someone else’s plan for them.
All it takes to be a person who’s happy is to implement certain mindsets – and this nihilistic-sounding yet realistic mindset is one of them.
Although It’s not really nihilistic, it’s more about simply being present and enjoying your life, the way YOU WANT TO LIVE IT.
So, man the fuck up – and do the things that YOU want to do in life. NEVER do something that you don’t want to do unless you have a very good reason to do it.
Once you realize that life is too short to get all twisted up about shit you have no control over, you will lead a pretty happy life.
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