Why do you get girls when you don’t care, and can’t get girls when you’re interested?
Because when you become interested in a girl – your behavior subconsciously changes, and you think and act differently around that girl.
This is a very complex topic, but I’ll try to explain as best I can:
You see, when you become interested in a girl – you instantly start wanting something from her.
You may want her to like you, you may want her to talk to you, you may want her to just acknowledge you or even have a relationship with you – or, most importantly, you probably want to eventually have sex with her.
And just the sheer fact that you want something from her drastically changes your behavior. And that behavior often changes for the worse – you start acting in unattractive ways near that girl.
Some people, who have well-developed personalities, a healthy self-esteem, and an innate understanding that women are people too, don’t usually behave in these unattractive ways, because they have learned how these and other social situations work.
These men clearly understand that WANTING something from women is counter-productive, and that they instead would LIKE it if the girl would talk to them, would like it if the girl likes them back, acknowledges them – they would LIKE to have a relationship with the girl, and would LIKE to have sex with her eventually.
Such men acknowledge the fact that they are interested in the girl – but they also acknowledge that they can’t control other people and can only control themselves – they can only do what they can, and hope for the best.
These people are outcome-independent!
This is a simple yet extremely important distinction – to want something from someone or to like something to happen between the two of you. One can be a win-lose and win-win, but the other is always a win-win if done right.
So in actuality, through self-improvement, it is entirely possible to get to the point where you can easily attract and seduce girls, both when you don’t care, and when you are indeed very interested.
It’s all about developing certain social skills, character traits and developing a healthy self-esteem and a well-rounded personality.
I’m talking about traits like Confidence, Directness, Decisiveness, Dominance, Indifference, Entitlement, Leadership, Masculinity, etc. Which are among the main attractive traits in men.
But these traits alone are not enough – they just spark attraction – they don’t ensure a healthy and fruitful relationship.
For that, you also need to develop and be able to show compassion, kindness, empathy, honesty, trustworthiness, vulnerability, authenticity and caring.
This all takes time and effort, even though there are people who develop all of this naturally and quickly.
Now let’s talk about the unattractive traits that guys display when they start wanting something from a girl.
These men (although I wouldn’t call such people men – more like boys who haven’t matured yet) start displaying things like:
- Needy and Supplicative Behavior
- Low Self-esteem
- and a few others…
Desperation is probably the number one killer of attraction. If a girl realizes that you’d do anything to be with her, even at the expense of your own comfort, esteem, well-being, health and so on – they will instantly get turned off.
Neediness is also a big one. No woman in her right mind will respect a needy person.
In combination, if you’re both needy and desperate around a girl – she will lose any and all respect for you and you’ll have no chance.
The other things like pushiness, awkwardness, hesitation and so on, usually aren’t complete deal-breakers, but should still be avoided.
Be sure to read about how to stop being needy.
Now let’s talk about why women are easier to attract when you don’t seem to care.
1 – When you don’t care – you’re automatically not desperate.
2 – When you don’t care, you aren’t afraid to lose the girl – which ties in closely to the “abundance with women” concept.
An individual who is not afraid to lose or walk away from people and is not desperate to please them and so on, is INCREDIBLY attractive to ANY woman.
3 – You don’t filter what you say, for fear of offending the girl or fearing she’ll dislike what you said.
A genuine person who says what he thinks and is not afraid of being judged for it – and doesn’t judge what other people tell him as well – is a rare person indeed!
4 – You tend to not take the girl too seriously.
This is an integral part of teasing, which is a form of flirting.
5 – You are more relaxed, confident, and seem more comfortable in your own body.
and a few other things.
So now you hopefully understand why some people have a hard time attracting women when they become interested, as opposed to when they don’t care.
Also, one important distinction. You don’t “get” girls. Women are people, not objects or trophies. You ATTRACT and SEDUCE girls, if you play your cards right.
People who think they can “get” girls are those who have trouble the most when they become interested in one.
Hope this helps!
Also, are you someone who’s outcome-independent? Or are you stuck in your head too much?
Have you had any experiences where you just didn’t care what’s going to happen, and how did that go for you? Share what happened in the comments below and I’ll give you some feedback!
If you want to get this handled further, I strongly suggest that you sign up for free to my Newsletter, where you will get a full free course on how to deal with various insecurities, like self-doubt, awkwardness, desperation, nervousness and so on.
And if you already have most of your insecurities handled and just want the practical stuff such as everything you need to do on dates so they end up in casual sex or with you getting a girlfriend – you can grab my full guide about it at Saulis Dating!