How to start a conversation with a girl, and why lines don’t matter.

Alright, so we all want to know how to start a conversation with a girl in the best possible way but not many of us can do it, right?

I used to think that openers were the most important part of the interaction. I used to think that if only I knew how to approach and open girls in the perfect way, then everything else would sort itself out!

And just like I used to do, many guys today are constantly looking for “the best thing to say to the girl to instantly grab her attention and make her like you.”

Or they look for “the best pickup line that is guaranteed to work on any woman.” Or even just “what to say to start a conversation with a girl so that she becomes interested in me”…

But let me tell you this once and for all, to remove any further doubt:

Your Opener Does Not Matter!

It doesn’t matter at all what you are going to start your conversation with!

Why is that?

Because it’s not the opener that’s the most important part of starting a conversation with a girl — it’s your FOLLOW-UP.

The opener is there just to start the conversation. To get you two from being complete and total strangers to people who are talking with each other.

That is the sole purpose of the opener!

So, you can pretty much say any stupid shit that you want, as long as you can handle her reaction and then transition to a normal conversation!

You can even just walk up and say random stuff like “Damn it, you’re crazy!” – and she’ll most likely be like: “What? Why?”, or even say something negative to you in reply…

But it will not matter in the end if you can handle her reaction in a good way and flow the conversation from there to a normal one.

In fact, most girls I’ve talked to and later slept with didn’t even remember what I said when I walked up to them. Unless it was a simple greeting or something super memorable because it was new to her…

Don’t believe me that the content of the opener doesn’t matter when you want to start conversations with women?

Over the last decade, I’ve been on several thousand dates (Yes, thousand) and slept with more women than I can count.

And what did all of my interactions have in common?

I’ve never used any single opener more than a few times, except if the opener was a simple “Hello”, or “Hi!”…

Here’s How To Start a Conversation With a Girl the Proper Way

how to start conversations with girls

I’ll show you a typical conversation I have when opening girls, at the end of this article.

But right now, I’ll show you how to start a conversation with a girl by telling you how I have opened most of the women that I’ve talked to, and later successfully seduced…

Ready for it? Here it is:

I simply improvised and said the first thing that came into my mind!

More often than not it was just a simple “Hello”, or a “Hey”, or just a “Hi!”, if I couldn’t think of anything clever or witty to say by the time I was near the girl and it was time to open my mouth…

It also helped me accomplish several things:

  • If I rely on improvisation, there will never be a reason NOT to approach. Basically, when you’re used to improvising, you’ll see a girl that you really like and you’ll just start walking to her before your brain begins screaming “STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? YOU CAN’T!” at you, and before you have the chance to start thinking of a hundred different reasons not to…
  • I stopped relying on external things, like looking for the perfect time to approach, or relying on the setting, or trying to wait for “the right moment”. Hint: There is no right moment.
  • It helps you learn how to deal with any response that is given to you…
  • It prevents you from being stuck in your head, overthinking things.

And it helps with many other things that are important when learning how to start a conversation with a girl the right way.

So yeah, typically what you say is not really that important – the most important thing is that you actually go up to women and TRY.

That’s because people can’t read minds. And you’ll NEVER know exactly what the other person is going to reply with to any of your openers unless they are generic hello’s.

And that’s exactly what makes it irrelevant to focus on words – and useless to start learning “pick up lines” or “the best openers”.

One guy may try an opener and get one reply – another guy may try it and get a completely different reply… Don’t forget this crucial point when you’re learning about how to start a conversation with a girl!

So I just prefer a “Hello!”, to be completely honest.

What Most Guys Do Wrong:

As an example, let’s say you asked someone to teach you some great openers. Let’s say you asked some “pickup guru” to tell you what to say to open the next girl…

starting conversations with women

He tells you – “Just go up and say “Hey, you’re cute! I just noticed you and thought that if I didn’t approach you right now, I’d be kicking myself later today!”. It works for me every time!”

And he would not be wrong!

It works for HIM every time because he is completely congruent with that opener. He’s used to walking up to girls directly and saying “You look great”, and have it not seem creepy or weird because of his body language and attitude. He’s used to saying cheeky stuff like “I’d kick myself later if I didn’t approach you right now”, and he has enough practice under his belt to make it all sound endearing and attractive. He’s also probably an extrovert or has taught himself to be one.

But then his student, who’s most likely an introvert, who hasn’t gotten his body language in order, who can’t even keep steady eye contact with the girl without looking away, who keeps fidgeting, doubting himself, hesitating, and doing similar bad stuff goes up and says the same thing to the girl… And gets himself blown out of the water, probably getting a reply like “Oh, thanks”, or “I have a boyfriend”, or “Get lost!”, or just awkward silence, or whatever.

Why? Because even though the words he said sounded great, provided he actually said them without his voice breaking – but the execution, the attitude behind the words, the body language, and everything else was completely sending the opposite message of what those words were meant to convey!

As a result, the girl saw and felt that there’s something weird going on, that he is not being genuine and authentic, or even honest with her – and she lost any and all respect for the guy. It’s over for him.

His words were entirely incongruent with his actions and his personality, which is inherently very inauthentic and even dishonest. And the girl understands right from the get-go that you’re a dishonest person and doesn’t want anything to do with you, so that’s definitely not how to start a conversation with a girl…

Think about it: Most of your interactions with other people are non-verbal.

We’ve all heard it – something like 10% of the interaction are words – and the rest is everything else; your attitude, body language, vibe, presence, and so on and so forth…

And even if he gets a positive reply, like the “Oh, thanks!” one – he’s most likely just going to stand there thinking: “Great! But what do I do now?!”

And then freeze up… and the conversation will become awkward.

He doesn’t know how to rely on himself yet…

The Takeaway

So, the most important thing in learning how to start a conversation with a girl is how to deal with the reaction that you get from your opener.

And then, how to transition all of that into a NORMAL conversation!

In essence, it all comes down to how quickly you can think on your feet and how well you can deal with what she replies.

And, to be entirely honest, it all comes down to EXPERIENCE.

If you’ve had tons of conversations with women – you’ll have been through too many examples to list, and will have heard everything.

And you’ll understand that words mean fuck all when it comes to getting laid. This may sound like mumbo-jumbo, but once you get enough experience under your belt you’ll know exactly what I mean.

Proper seduction is pretty much about developing yourself into a naturally attractive man and then about being able to improvise your conversations while being engaging and interesting, fun, or exciting.

As long as what you say is genuine and 100% congruent with you, you can pretty much say ANYTHING.

As far as I’m concerned – the only thing that you need to keep in your head while out gaming is logistics; how you’re going to get the girl from here to your place or her’s.

Everything else is irrelevant and just clutters your mind and bogs down your thoughts.

The less stuff you keep thinking about when talking to women, the less hesitation will be in your actions, and the more time you’ll have to focus on the interaction itself, on being present and engaging with the girl, on actively LISTENING to her and organically following the conversation. The less shit’s going on in your head, the more time you’ll spend actually having a fun, interesting, or exciting conversation together.

When you’re not completely in your head, your personality starts to shine. And once your personality shines through, so does your natural charm, your sense of humor, and your wit. The conversation NATURALLY becomes fun, interesting, and even exciting for the girls. THAT’s how you start conversations with girls you meet!

That’s what you should be focusing on – not the words!

how to open a girl

For example, if you see a cute girl through a store window who looks incredibly bored while waiting for customers, you can enter and ask her about her job, or you can ask her about pink flying elephants. Or you can just say what’s on your mind: “Hey, I was just passing by and noticed how bored you looked through the window. I normally don’t do this, but I thought you looked particularly lovely, and I hate to see people look sad. So how are you today?”

Provided that it’s what you were thinking of when you saw her…

And it doesn’t really matter what she replies with, as long as it’s nothing negative.

As long as you get a neutral or positive reply, just talk about what she’s up to, or whatever you can think of. Naturally, organically – not because you wanted to open the girl with that, but it’s just something that entered your mind the moment you saw her through the window.

That said – all three of these openers would get the same effect if you know what to do:

“Hey, you look bored – tell me about your job!”, she’ll probably become confused and ask you why, and you just explain “Oh, I saw you through the window, thought you looked super bored, and just wanted to approach and meet you. I’m <whatever>, and you?” and smile.

Or you just run in, and shout “Hey! Have you seen the pink flying elephants around here?!” Her: “HUH!?”, or even “What the fuck!?” – and you’ll say something like “Naaah, just kidding! I saw you looked very bored and I randomly wanted to cheer up your day!”

And then she’ll probably smile, or giggle, or laugh, and you can go on talking about what’s on your mind… doing your normal shtick, flirting and teasing, and generally having a fun time. And then get her number if you both enjoy each other’s company and she’s not taken.

However, there are, of course, times when all you’ll get is a completely negative reply. Something like: “Fuck off!”, or “I have a boyfriend!” no matter if she actually has one or not, or “I’m busy, go away!”, or whatever else that’s negative that you can think of that’s a legitimate negative thing that you have no say over.

Well, there’s nothing much you can do about that. You’ve lost nothing except a few words and a few seconds. You just take it as a normal rejection and move on to other girls. Not everyone’s going to like you or even be interested in talking to you, no matter what you do or who you are…

Nothing gained, nothing lost…

But don’t forget the other saying: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained!”

Which means that if you hadn’t even tried approaching like this, or in any other way, you would NEVER gain anything.

So the point is to always at least try!

And the other point I’m trying to make, to remind you again about how to start a conversation with a girl, is that your opener will never matter as much as you think it does.

I’ve tested all of this extensively by purposefully approaching hundreds of girls saying ridiculously silly or cringy shit like:

“Hey, I like bananas, do you like strawberries?”

or “Hello, I’m Dork McNerdybottom, what’s your name?” in a completely deadpan voice.

or “You look like someone I think I’d like to meet next week for coffee”

or “Raawwwr! That means “love you” in dinosaur!”

or loudly saying “Damn it!”, or “Hey do you like Transformers?”, or other random and stupid shit, just to see what would happen. Literally hundreds of examples of dumb irrelevant stuff – the more absurd it was, the better!

And guess what? All of these things simply elicit a certain reaction from the girl – confusion, annoyance, shock, surprise, fun, laughing, giggling, and anything in between.

I just acknowledge the reaction, and then say something along the lines of “Oh, just kidding” and then just introduce myself. Or simply smile, laugh as if it was an inside joke, and introduce myself.

Because if you can transition the conversation to a normal one – she’ll forget what you even said to start it.

This is how you start a conversation with a girl without looking like a complete tryhard. That’s how I start pretty much all my conversations with women. And that’s how my private coaching students start them.

They don’t care about finding the best ways to open women because they know that no matter the reply – they’ll just transition everything to a normal conversation anyway, provided the girl is not busy, taken, or completely uninterested in them, or anyone else.

But to do that, you also have to have your shit together as a person, you have to not fear rejection, you have to not be timid, shy, nervous, or any of these things.

In short, you have to have your INNER GAME in order before even starting to learn how to start a conversation with a girl or you won’t get anywhere.

If you have problems with that, I strongly suggest you sign up for my newsletter to get a full 15 in-depth lesson Inner Game Course, for free. (don’t worry, you won’t be getting spam with sales offers)

In any case, here’s what I promised you before talking about how to start a conversation with a girl – The Field Report!

Field Report on how to start a conversation with girls

In this particular example of how to start a conversation with a girl, I was leaving a clinic and saw a super fit and sexy girl through the glass door on the other side, who was about to enter while I was leaving.

how to talk to girls

She saw me as well and waited for me to pass through the door. While passing by her, I just looked straight into her eyes, and simply smiled. She caught my glance and then smiled back as well. So I made a slight nod upwards and held her gaze while turning my head towards her but still walking forward.

After a second, I finally turned to face her with my whole body and said “Hi!” with a smile.

Her: “Oh, hello!”

Me: “Don’t go in there, they have needles!”

Her: “I’m sorry, what? I don’t understand the language very well”

Me: “Oh, where are you from?”

Her: “I’m from Russia, just visiting here”

Me: “That’s awesome!”

(and switched to russian)

Me: “So where are you from in Russia?”

Her: “Oh, you can speak russian! I’m from Piter” (St. Petersburg)

Me: “That’s cool, I’ve never been there, but I hear it’s pretty nice. So what are you up to, why are you here?”

Her: “Oh, just visiting an old girl friend that lives here.”

Me: “Nice. So who’s the lucky fella?”

Her: “What?”

Me: “Well, you know, you’re obviously pretty hot, so I bet you have like 50 guys desperate for your attention, 7 different boyfriends for each day of the week, and tons of lovers in different countries!” all while smiling, in a very playful tone.

Her: “Haha, nooo, I’m not like that. I don’t need 50 guys!”

Me: “But you still need the seven boyfriends?” and laughed out loud. “Wow, you must be a total horndog! Insatiable!”

Her: “Pff! Haha, nooo, I’m a very decent girl!

Me: “Very decent? So you never lie, never steal, never kiss and tell, never get into fights with boys and girls, never swear or say anything bad, don’t smoke, don’t drink, and never sleep on the first date if you meet a really hot guy?” (obviously pointing at myself when I said that last part, even though I’m totally-average looking. It’s a psychological thing)

And she blushed, since she obviously did a few of those things I guess.

Her: “Haha, I’m not a saint, yes I have punched some boys, and I do drink sometimes, and do…”

Interrupting her – Me: “Oh! So yo DO fight with boys? Tell me, how many times have you kicked a guy in the nuts this year! Who’s going to want them after you destroy their balls!?”

She starts laughing, and then playfully punches me “Haha, screw you – I’m not like that!”

Me: “Hey hey! I know kung fu!” said in a very loud and serious voice, but simultaneously showing ridiculous and exaggerated kung-fu gestures, “so don’t punch me unless you’re really prepared to wrestle to the end!” and chuckled.

Her: “Heeeey, come on, that’s mean! Do you like hitting women?”

Me: “Only when they ask me very nicely and show me a good soft spot” with a sly smirk, while taking a very obvious look at her ass and making this face:

Her: “Oh… well, don’t get any ideas, I don’t like violence, I’m not that kind of girl…”

Me: “I’m sure you’re not… Hmmm….” and paused, and just held her gaze while very slightly smirking and crossing my arms.

After about 4–5 seconds of tension:

Her: “What? What’s wrong? What are you thinking about?”

Me: “Oh, nothing, just some random fun stuff about you” and made a sly little smile (obviously while imagining her naked at this point, and all the things I want to do to her. State transference is a real and powerful thing, and whatever you strongly feel, other intuitive people (read: most women) will start to feel strongly as well)

She started blushing again.

Her: “Tell me!”

Me: “Hmm… Listen… I actually have to run now, since I got some stuff to take care of, but you seem like a really fun girl and I had a fun time talking to you, so we should exchange numbers and go grab some coffee tomorrow.”

Her: “Sure! But first tell me!”

Me: “I really have to go, I’ll tell you when we meet. Promise.”

And then we exchanged numbers.

Me: “Ok, I’ll give you a call sometime tomorrow, see ya!” and went in for a hug.

We hugged, and she said “See you tomorrow!”

And off I went, turning around in a few seconds to make a silly face at her, something like this:

She laughed slightly, and turned around and went inside.

All of this conversation happened in the span of like 5 minutes while standing right outside a clinic entrance.

And that’s pretty much how most of my interactions go. I rely heavily on silly and exaggerated humor, sexual innuendos, and just having a genuine laugh, while not really filtering my thoughts.

We had a fun date the next day and went to my place in the evening for some fun. She ended up being a friend with benefits.

FR Source: My article on Quora about how to start a conversation with a woman.

In any case, examples like these on how to start a conversation with a girl are fine to read, but a lot of the time they won’t do you any good. Because if you try something that other people did, and do it in a way that’s not CONGRUENT with you and your personality – you’ll most likely fail.

So find your own style of talking to women – just make sure that you’re having fun and that you don’t filter your thoughts all that much. People appreciate it when you’re being honest with them, even if it means saying stuff like “I want to rip your dress off and have you right here!” – as long as you mean what you say, the thing you said is in complete congruence with who you are, and your intent is clearly seen.

It’s called being unapologetically yourself while being authentic and genuine in your interactions with women. If nothing else, if some women won’t like you for saying this – they will still respect you.

Seriously, when learning how to start a conversation with a girl, I even went up to women on the street and said “Damn, I saw you from across the road and I thought you looked so ridiculously fine that I just wanted to come here and meet you. I’d love to rip off that dress sometime! How are you even ALLOWED to walk on the street with no police escort, looking so fucking gorgeous?!”

And this may all sound incredibly far-fetched and hard to believe – but I didn’t get slapped even once.

It’s all about catching the right moment and about the execution.

Of course, it will fail a lot of the times in the beginning, until you get better at it – just like with any other skill.

And don’t kid yourself, it’s not about the girl replying with something like “OH GOD TAKE ME NOW!”. It gets a certain reaction, maybe even a WTF – then you have fun with the reaction, you DEAL with it, and move the conversation onto something else. But you already planted a seed – one where she knows that you want to fuck her, and she already imagines this.

And that, my friends, is how you affect girls emotionally. And that’s how you start a conversation with a girl so that she’ll think you’re someone worth talking to.

You can read more about this stuff in my other article: How to approach, Talk to Girls, and Get a Girlfriend

So I hope you now understand what you need to do when learning how to start a conversation with a girl.

Get your inner game in order – and learn how to rely on yourself, on your personality, and how to improvise.

It’s as easy and as complicated as that!

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saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.

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