Let’s talk about the subject of building confidence when you’re in social situations. And how to create a proper and strong foundation on which your new confident self shall stand.
This article will be short and brief. I’ll mainly explain two crucial keys to being confident with women and people in general.
They’re nothing new and you’ve heard about them before. But I’ll show you EXACTLY why they’re the absolute basis when you’re around other people.
So let’s dive in!
Table of Contents
- 1 Two Fundamental Ingredients of Building Confidence In Social Situations
- 2 The Fundamentals of Building Confidence
Two Fundamental Ingredients of Building Confidence In Social Situations
A couple of my friends invited me to attend a public speaking Toastmasters event recently. So I decided to come and see what it’s all about with my own eyes.
I’ve been speaking publicly quite a lot when I was at university. I’ve hosted several events at huge venues. And even sang songs while being half-naked in front of 150 women at a fancy dress event. So I’m no stranger to public speaking.
That said, the vast majority of people say that their biggest fear, stronger even than the fear of death, is to speak publicly without any preparation in front of a huge crowd. Especially if that crowd contains some very important people.
Also, I’ve asked around and did my research on public speaking. And it turns out that most people decide to learn this skill TO RAISE THEIR CONFIDENCE LEVELS.
So here are the two main things I noticed from the public speaking Toastmasters event that struck me right away.
Body Language and Voice Control Are Critical Aspects Of Confidence
Yes, I’m talking about BODY LANGUAGE and VOICE CONTROL.
These are two indispensable ingredients to building confidence when you’re in any and all social settings. As well as when you’re speaking to women. Not to mention speaking publicly to crowds of people.
During the public speaking event, I took it upon myself to evaluate the speakers. And ALL of them that evening, except two of the event leaders, had terrible body language and voice control.
In short, they were stifling not only their body movements, but also the sound that was coming out of their mouths.
This had a horrendous effect on their performance and their message got lost in all the awkwardness and anxiety.
So how does this work? And what does it have to do with being successful with women, which is what this blog’s all about?
Easy! In order to be confident around people, and especially around women, you need to LOOSEN UP YOUR BODY LANGUAGE AND VOICE. Everything else builds from that.
Your Results Will Skyrocket If You Loosen Up
So here’s a real fact for you: It’s IMPOSSIBLE to be confident if you are tense.
No matter the situation you’re in, whether you’re talking to a beautiful woman you want to date, talking to a boss who you want to ask for a raise, hanging out with friends, or speaking publicly in front of many people – they’ll never see you as a confident person IF YOU ARE TENSE.
If you tense up your muscles, it automatically makes all of your movements rigid, tight, robot-like and anything but fluid. You’ll seem fake.
Not only that, if you tense your body muscles, your throat muscles can’t relax either. So your voice will be tense as well, and much different from the confident, loud and emotive voice it can be.
So first and foremost, you have to loosen up physically to lose the tension in your muscles. Which will make your body language fluid, relaxed, fun and confident.
Exercise to loosen yourself up
To relax, loosen up and have more expressive and confident body language, you can do a very simple exercise before you have to go out to social settings.
Obviously, this exercise is most effective JUST BEFORE any event when you have to seem confident and on point. But it’s a bit physical so it’s not always possible to do it anywhere without a lot of people looking at you inquisitively. (Although that shouldn’t even matter to you, if you want to get better at not caring too much about what other people think of you.)
So here’s the extremely simple yet very effective exercise to loosen up your body language:
Put on some music if you can. And then, jump around a bit, then from foot to foot, moving your entire body, shaking your arms up and down, like you’re trying to quickly dry off when getting out of a lake.
Basically, let loose and shake it up, like in the following example:
You can see why this would be difficult to do if you’re meeting your date in a restaurant. It’s not exactly very graceful 🙂
However, if you do this BEFORE you go on your date, your body language will be SIGNIFICANTLY better. And the people who see you will deem you more confident.
That said, this is the PERFECT exercise if you do it at a nightclub on the dance floor. Not only will it loosen you up and make your body language better. It will also build your confidence when you approach women and talk to them. As well as show all the people who see you do this that you’re a person who’s confident in their own skin.
Your Voice Is Your Main Instrument
The second biggest thing I’ve noticed during my public speaking experience was the quality of the voice of the people who were talking.
Every single beginner talking at that event had an expressionless voice. It was monotone and had very little emotion. There was almost no variation to the tone or the pitch.
Basically, it was BORING to listen to these people. So their message got lost, and our attention lost with it.
So here’s the important point: If you want to have a MUCH easier time talking to women and people in general, LOOSEN UP YOUR VOICE!
Your voice is an INSTRUMENT. In fact, it’s the only instrument you carry around with you, no matter where you go.
Now imagine this instrument is a piano keyboard, with many, many keys. If you were a piano player and you bought a piano, would you always play it with only a few keys?
That would make your music EXTREMELY LIMITED, boring, and uninteresting.
If you want to create great music, you’ll need to use THE ENTIRE RANGE OF THE PIANO.
It’s the same thing with your voice: If you want other people to find you interesting, compelling, confident and not boring – YOU HAVE TO USE THE ENTIRE RANGE OF YOUR VOICE.
This will make you very expressive and people will hang on to your every word.
So how do you do this? How do you start building confidence with your voice?
Pretty easy: do the same exercise you did for your body, but this time for your voice.
Go somewhere where you won’t scare any people, put on some music if you want to, and let your voice loose! Shout, whisper, bleat, yodel, wail, make various stupid noises, sing a song you like very loudly and very quietly.
Basically, EXPLORE THE ENTIRE RANGE OF YOUR VOICE.
The Fundamentals of Building Confidence
Loosen up your body language. And then loosen up your voice.
Put these two things together and you’ve got the perfect foundation to stand on. Now you’ve got the groundwork to build every other thing that will eventually turn you into a very confident person.
I’m not exaggerating the importance of these two things here. I’m extremely serious when I say that your results with women and in social situations in general will skyrocket when you do the two exercises above.
Before you go on a date, put on some music and MOVE AROUND and USE YOUR VOICE FULLY.
I promise you this will significantly improve your end result. Because this will prevent you from stifling yourself, both physically and vocally.
The person you’re going to meet will find you much more attractive and confident when they see you’re extremely relaxed and not tense at all. And instead on point, very loose, ready to “pounce” into action, so to speak.
Not only that, your mood will change for the better. Because motion begets emotion and loosening yourself up like this will lift your mood sky-high. Especially if you really put yourself into the exercises and let loose and HAVE FUN while doing them.
That’s why it’s important to have some great music you really appreciate and can have a lot of fun dancing and singing along with.
Also, something else that’s pretty magical will happen. Your level of anxiety, no matter what it would be at the “event” you’re going to, will be lower.
You see, anxiety in the body feels intense because of the hormones like adrenaline and cortisol that are rushing through your bloodstream. And when you do something physical, those hormones flush out much faster. So your anxiety levels will be lower.
Final Thoughts On The Basics of Building Confidence
Do yourself a favor. Next time you’re about to go to a social setting, take the time to do the above. I promise it will make everything significantly easier.
Back to the public speaking event: If every single person who was about to speak would come up and do those loosening up exercises on stage. Then their performance would be SIGNIFICANTLY better. You’d see a massive shift in their appearance, behavior and confidence levels.
And since this works for public speaking. It will definitely work for other social situations. Since even seduction and approaching and picking up women is a lower stakes game than speaking publicly to a group of important people.