How To Deal With Solo Clubbing Approach Anxiety – Nightclubs

So today I was browsing around Reddit while waiting for my girl and saw a post in Seduction where a guy asks the question: How to overcome approach anxiety when you’re solo in a nightclub?

The kicker is that the guy is good-looking, already has good game, is very social and has no trouble getting hookups through his social circle and when traveling, partying, etc. He also has no trouble opening guys in clubs and so on and so forth.

So the problem is that when he goes to a night club solo (because he’s in his mid thirties and most of his friends don’t want to go clubbing anymore) – he can’t seem to approach very hot women and experiences approach anxiety when he’s going to a club alone.

His goal is to approach the hottest women, the 10s in the club, but he starts feeling out of place by himself, gets stuck in his head too much and can’t bring himself to approach.

So how do you deal with this clubbing solo anxiety?

My approach is fool-proof but pretty advanced. And not everyone will be able to pull it off since it takes some practice and getting used to and requires you to be extremely social with everyone. But ANYONE can LEARN this approach, since it’s a social skill.

The Best Way To Kill Approach Anxiety in Night Clubs

So I’ve worked as a bartender and then head bartender at several clubs for many years when I was at university. And I’ve been going out to have fun, dance and pickup women in clubs about 4 times every single week, for almost 5 years. Since I had free access and could skip the queue to nearly every club in that city, due to certain industry privileges. So I understand club game fairly well, am comfortable in night clubs, and have pulled women directly home multiple times, to say the least.

In night clubs, it’s all how good you feel about yourself, how animated, energetic, enthusiastic, brash and confident you are.

That’s because first impressions are everything in clubs. Since you can’t really to women normally in most cases, because of the loud music, crazy atmosphere and energetic vibe.

Basically, you have to be the party. Then people will see you having a great time and will gravitate naturally towards you.

If you’re all tense, rigid, stuck in your head and hang around like a wallflower, people will ignore you and you’ll feel out of place. Especially if you’re going solo and don’t have a wing-man to keep you company.

So here’s the solution.

Imagine, vividly, that it’s YOUR club, YOUR home

As silly as this sounds, this tactic is a real game-changer when it comes to approach anxiety in clubs when solo.

You need to imagine as vividly as you can that it’s YOUR club and you are at home, as you enter the venue.

The place is YOURS. You’re the man here. You’re here to make sure everyone’s having fun.

As you step in, loosen up your body and shout something loud to help with confidence, like “Hey hey hey!” at no one in particular. Then beam a massive smile! Basically, LIGHT UP!

The only thoughts that should be going through your head at this time are things like “I’m HOME! I’m here to have FUN! This place is MINE!”

How do you think this will make you feel?

Personally, it makes me feel alive, energetic, happy and bubbly.

And when you’re bubbling with energy and enthusiasm like that, how do you think you’ll act?

Your mannerisms, body language, voice and everything else becomes more loud, brash and confident. And people will see this and think you’re where the party’s at. Some people will even start opening you without you having to do much. Since this type of vibe DRAWS PEOPLE IN.

Crucial Step – Befriend the staff!

What’s more, to really make your brain start believing that you’re the “owner,” it helps significantly if you start engaging with the club’s staff.

Talk to them, joke around, shoot the shit, get them drinks, ask how they’re doing, etc.

No matter who they are, it’s always a great idea to befriend the bouncers, the bartenders, the DJs, and hell, even the coat-room staff. Especially if you want them to prioritize your jacket when you’re pulling the girl from the club and there are 20 something people in queue.

bartender serving drink to the girl looking at the guy who's trying to befriend her so he can feel more at ease at the club and get over his approach anxiety when clubbing solo

I’ve done this more times than I can count. When the club’s about to close and I go for the pull with the girls I’m interested in, we get to the coatroom and it’s FULL OF PEOPLE. Then I raise my hand high while holding the number and look the coat room guy (or girl) in the eyes and keep shouting their name like I’m their friend. They see me and get me my coat really fast! Which often makes the girl think I’m just friends with everyone 🙂

Not only is that more social proof, it’s just amazing to be able to skip queues like that.

That’s always how I’ve done it at night clubs and it pays dividends very early and very well. This is my go-to method at any club I’m new at, and it makes me feel RIGHT AT HOME.

Approaching women in nightclubs is easy when you have the owner vibe

Let’s get back to beating approach anxiety in clubs when going out solo.

When you really get into this “owner” role I describe above, you’ll be able to literally open ANYONE in the club with a few simple phrases.

The important thing is your VIBE and the FRAME you set when you’re opening people.

Getting into this frame and vibe is all about your inner game, about your mental skills. But you should be able to do what I describe above with a bit of practice, no problem. It just takes stepping out of your comfort zone and forcing yourself to talk to staff and then imagine some things vividly.

It doesn’t really matter if you’re the owner or not. Since I’ve worked so much at clubs, this little trick helped me feel RIGHT AT HOME in any and all other clubs. So it’s all about your mindset and attitude.

And when you get into this role, you can open anyone at the club, even the hottest 10s, with a simple “Hey how’s it going? Are you guys having a great time at <club name here>?”

It doesn’t really matter what exact words you use, as long as you have a certain tone and vibe. One that makes people think you’re responsible for everything going on that night. So even simple things like “Hey how are you enjoying your time at <club name>?” work really well. And I make sure to say the name of the club when asking this, to really sell it. I’ve tried both with and without a ton of times, and it’s always better with the name of the club.

People really respond to this and assume you’re someone who’s important. Even though you’re just some random stranger and have nothing to do with the club lol.

Final thoughts on clubbing solo and experiencing approach anxiety when at a night club

Basically put yourself into the “owner” role and opening 10s in clubs becomes a piece of cake.

When you put out this vibe, you’ll be able to make friends with the entire club.

The downside however, is that this method is pretty taxing mentally. It takes a lot of effort, energy and dedication to go around the club, being the party, making friends everywhere, being loud, confident and expressive like that. It’s definitely not for everyone and there are many other low-key methods to night game.

It’s pretty draining and doing it often feels like a lot of work. But boy when you see the results first hand and when you have the club in the palm of your hand and EVERYONE wants to be your friend, you’ll be able to pull the hottest women.

I’ll have to write about some other night game clubbing methods some other time. I know and tried and experienced quite a few through my years of actively learning pickup and seduction.


saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.

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