One of the biggest problems that lots of people who come for help have, stems from the fact that they constantly think and feel they’re not good enough for something or someone.
It’s called inadequacy.
So let’s talk about it and about how to stop feeling inadequate with women.
Well, do you realize that the older you get, the more problems you’ll face and the harder life will become?
You’ll get less and less healthy. You’ll have less energy and willpower. You’ll be able to perform less at work. And then you’ll eventually die.
And feeling not good enough for women throughout all of that will just make everything much worse.
So basically, what I’m trying to say is you’re fucked, to begin with.
And I mean proper fucked. Really, royally screwed in the ass.
And it all begins with you getting older. And everyone’s gotta do it eventually. Get older, I mean — not the getting fucked in the ass part.
Table of Contents
- 1 Thinking and feeling you’re always not good enough
- 2 Have you heard the big news yet?
Thinking and feeling you’re always not good enough
The most common self-esteem issue I see is people thinking they’re not good enough for anything.
They’re not good enough to work with that. They’re not good enough to study this. They’re not good enough to have lots of money. They’re not good enough to have a beautiful girlfriend.
They think they don’t deserve it.
The list of inadequacies goes on and on. But let’s discuss the main focus of this blog — dating and success with women.
There are TONS of guys who think they’re not good enough to have many awesome women in their lives. And to have a hot, smart and fun girlfriend.
They have it in their heads that they’re somehow subhuman if they can’t go up to a girl and strike up a conversation with her. Then have a fun, interesting, exciting or at least engaging talk together. Share some stories about one another. Connect a little bit and find something you both GENUINELY like about each other. (Which would be the perfect thing and context to compliment someone on, by the way, and the perfect occasion to begin to escalate physically.) While all this time just being a chill, relaxed dude who’s there to have fun with her without having any other expectations besides getting to know her as a person, showcasing your personality and enjoying her company. Because you like what you see.
While also relentlessly teasing her throughout the entire interaction, giving it a flirty, sexy vibe and letting her experience your sense of humor. Being all masculine and shit. Which would be a phenomenal experience for her, if done right, by the way.
And then just go and have sex later because that feels great, too. All because it would just be a normal progression of your interaction with her. Since you’ve both enjoyed each other’s company so much that it feels completely natural to just go and enjoy each other’s bodies as well.
In other words, TO MEET AND GET TO KNOW ANOTHER HUMAN BEING and enjoy each other.
Well, fuck — that does sound like too much work, doesn’t it? And not just work, but like it also takes some special skills and knowledge!
It really is and it does, so relax. Because most men can’t do this seduction dance naturally. Yet they end up feeling like they’re not good enough for women as a result. Thinking that something’s fundamentally wrong with them as a person. Without even realizing that men aren’t supposed to know all this by default.
Men aren’t supposed to be great with women without learning
Truth is, if you can’t seduce an attractive woman quickly and effortlessly as some guys can, it’s totally fine. Since no one is born with excellent social skills and glowing charisma; everyone has to learn and make an effort to acquire these traits and abilities!
Here’s another truth bomb — the most successful guys who are great with women are the ones who make an effort to learn about these skills or acquire them naturally while growing up. Some learn faster than others, but everyone has to go through the process or they won’t see any palpable results.
But if you happen to not be given the opportunity or even the possibility of being social in your youth, you don’t have to be screwed for life as result. Contrary to what many lonely guys believe! You just have to bite the bullet, take the time and make the conscious effort to learn everything on your own, or get some help.
Yet there are so many virgins in their 30s and 40s, it’s embarrassing. Virgins who are terrified of talking to women. Who constantly feel they’re not good enough.
How did they end up this way? Pretty simple — they didn’t take that time nor make the effort to learn all this. They have only themselves to blame.
Here’s what you do to become successful with women:
You need to man the fuck up and get out of the house frequently to go meet other people. That’s the basic gist of it — you have to make an effort to actually go outside where other people are and talk to them. Because if you sit at home and do nothing, you’ll never get anywhere. This first step is crucial.
Go outside to parks, malls, cafes, bars, clubs, beaches or just meet people on the street. Then talk to the ones who don’t seem too busy. About anything that pops into your mind. Hopefully something interesting and relevant.
Focus on learning how to talk to people and not seem too awkward. Awkwardness in itself can almost never be entirely avoided when you’re approaching random strangers on the street. But you can learn to keep it at an absolute bare minimum eventually.
All of this takes practice, like any other skill. That’s why these things are called social skills, duh!
Then, while you’re talking with people, focus on just getting to know them and becoming a better conversationalist, without any other goals in mind. Just for the sake of becoming comfortable talking to random people about random things.
Trust me, many people are lonely and will appreciate talking to someone. While others, of course, will tell you to fuck off, but that’s unavoidable as you’ll inevitably stumble on someone who doesn’t want to talk to you. Or someone who just doesn’t like your ugly mug or whatever garbage you’re spouting.
I’m over-dramatizing here, but seriously, grow the fuck up.
When you take the time to do all that, you’ll have an opportunity to develop the necessary social skills to talk to women as a regular separate skill. You practice and practice, again, just like you’d do with ANY OTHER SKILL.
If you suck, you MUST take the time out of your busy fucking schedule, like 1 hour a day at LEAST and spend it on self-improvement completely. By self-improvement, in this case, I mean anything which will progress you towards becoming better with women and people in general. Anything which will help you attain better social skills.
BECAUSE NO ONE IS GOING TO DO THIS FOR YOU.
This even includes going to the gym. Because if you loathe yourself, thinking no one would want to talk to you since you look like a fat piece of shit, then begin by going to the damn fucking gym for one hour every other day, for starters. You have zero excuses to look like a fat slob unless you have a terminal fucking disease.
Fat slobs whine about why no women want to be with them. Well, would YOU want to be with a fat, ugly woman? How many fat and ugly women have you asked out in your life?
So don’t be a hypocrite and start taking care of your body. Or own that you’re a fat fuck and don’t give a shit about it and stop with all the whining. That will often work since it’s all about your attitude anyway.
Although then you’re bound to die from a heart attack in your mid-40s and 50s, so good luck with that.
Otherwise, I’ll have absolutely no reservations in calling you a fat piece of shit who will end up alone and miserable. Because you’ve earned that fat fate. Because you didn’t strive for something better. Which, again, if you don’t have a crippling or terminal disease, is entirely your fault.
As much as looks don’t matter when you’ve got your shit together and are an awesome guy who has great GAME — they still matter for first impressions. A good-looking fit guy will always have more opportunities to talk to women than someone who’s butt-ugly. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll use those opportunities better than the fugly guy and will get more results. Because in the end, it’s all about how good you can make women feel around you. And looks have nothing to do with that.
But since most guys don’t have their shit together and don’t have good GAME — looks matter greatly for their success.
Especially because guys often develop self-esteem issues precisely due to them being fat fucks . . . which messes up their game completely. Which is why it’s important to learn how to stop feeling inadequate.
Back to the main point of feeling not good enough
Apart from getting fit to improve your chances, the absolute best way to become successful with women and other people, in general, is to GO OUTSIDE AND TALK TO PEOPLE. That’s it.
One of the biggest and most common problems for guys who are terrible with women is that they simply don’t know how to engage and normally talk to another person without being weird. How fucked up is that?
Talking to many, many women leads to an understanding of how to talk to other women in the future. I say “Hi!” in person to greet any woman (or man) and then just start talking with her, smiling and enjoying myself because it’s a new experience with someone who I don’t know but am interested in getting to know.
You wouldn’t BELIEVE how fast you’d progress in pickup and how quickly you’d have better social skills and charisma if you took even ONE HOUR out of your day, preferably several times a week, to literally go and approach random women on the street. Or even random men.
Most guys don’t realize that if they just take ONE DAY per week out of their busy schedule, and make it a point to go to some busy spot that day and talk to as many girls as they can, like 20-40-60 or whatever time permits – and do that for a couple of months – it will solve most of their problems with talking to women.
That’s how I started out. I went to towns where no one knows me – picked a busy spot – and TALK TALK TALK. Nothing transformed me more than these experiences.
Yet most guys aren’t willing to do this. Because they’re either lazy or afraid to get out of their comfort zones. And then they whine that they’re useless and no one likes them. And then they start feeling they’re not good enough for women.
Leave your damn house
OF COURSE NO ONE’S GONNA LIKE YOU IF YOU’RE SOME TROLL WHO NEVER LEAVES HIS HOUSE TO TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Again, no one’s going to do this for you. It’s your life and you’re the only person who cares about your success. I’ll say it again and again because you have to take some fucking responsibility for your life.
It’s the only one you have. No one’s going to hand you anything. No one’s going to come up to you and magically give you magic powers to become successful with women.
Pickup gurus and professionals will GLADLY take 1000-10000$ from you to drag you outside to a street, club or bar for a weekend or a week to simply teach you how to talk to people. Hell, if you pay me thousands of dollars. I’ll gladly do the same for you and your results will skyrocket.
And I won’t be doing anything super special, to be honest, just like most pickup guys. I’ll just explain certain things to you that I’ve internalized through experience. And then FORCE you to get out of your comfort zone to approach and talk to literally HUNDREDS of women in a weekend. Which will transform you completely, whether you like it or not.
But why even pay that money when you can DO IT ALL ON YOUR OWN? Just get the fuck out of the house, feel the fear and the approach anxiety and then do it anyway. And TALK TO RANDOM WOMEN ON THE STREET. Those who don’t seem like they’re in a rush. Until your game gets better, then you can even approach those.
If you’re too scared to do it alone, find a buddy and go with him as a wing. It’ll be much easier and you can both learn.
Sure, it’ll take you longer to learn this than if you’ve done it together with a pickup coach. But you’ll save a ton of cash and will still learn just as good, if you put in enough time and effort into it.
Sure, the first 10, 20, 50 or even 100 approaches will be BRUTAL. But then you’ll get used to it and to getting rejected.
And then you’ll be forced to adapt, improvise, improve and overcome.
Hopefully without having to drink some piss, like Bear Grylls over there.
After a few weeks, months, or even years of this, you’ll suddenly find yourself with tons of beautiful women and various friends in your life.
Like one Reddit user called u/ImJustSo pointed out in one of my posts:
It’s hard to convince anyone that they should be out there talking to 10, 20, 30, 80, 100s of men/women a day to get better at it. Unfortunately, it’s the simplest, most efficient way to go about all of this. No formulas, no techniques, no absolutes and universal approaches. All it takes is practice like every other thing we all get good at.
I wish I were a better harmonica, guitar, and ukulele player, but I know what it takes to get there. I don’t try to find some trick that makes me 5 years better than I am. I just pick one up and play it when I have time.
You have a choice — pay a ton of cash to have someone shove you through the motions, or bite the bullet and do it yourself. And if you happen to choose to dump that cash on someone, then dump it on me *wink wink*
In essence, if you confront the world forthrightly, if you stand up for yourself and speak to people in a genuine and authentic manner and accept the consequences of what you’re saying, and if you expose yourself courageously to the things you’re afraid of (in this case, approaching and talking to women), then your life will improve. And so will the lives of the people around you. Because you’ll be a better person for it. And because after having gone through all that, you’ll bring value to everyone you speak to.
But now that we got the “everyone’s shallow at least somewhat” and “how to become successful with women in general” parts out of the way, let’s get to more important things. Like how to stop feeling inadequate through experience. And about the self-esteem issue. And also the getting older thing. And let’s not forget the fucked in the ass thing.
Have you heard the big news yet?
You’re going to die.
Whoops, I hope I didn’t ruin the surprise for you!
But hasn’t anyone ever told you about this? Or were you expecting to live forever?
Then I got some bad news for you, kiddo. Wipe that milk off your face. Because once you do, maybe you’ll recognize your own mortality.
Don’t panic. You’ll soon be dead.
Life will sometimes seem long, tough and tiring. And sometimes you’ll be happy and sometimes you’ll be sad. And then you’ll be old. And then you’ll be dead.
But you don’t get to go out just like that. Nope. The older you’ll get, the more problems you’ll face. Because you won’t be as young anymore. Because you won’t be as agile, virile or youthful anymore. Literally EVERYTHING will become more difficult to do the more you age; moving, talking, sleeping, peeing, fucking, eating, dancing, sitting, and simply existing.
That is if you’re at least somewhat healthy. But if you get some disease or chronic illness or another fucked up condition . . . then I don’t even wanna talk about it — that’s too depressing.
So why are you wasting your time, then? Feeling not good enough for that beautiful girl who you saw and were too afraid to approach.
Feeling you’re not good enough to be with great women is just stupid
What’s the worst thing that could happen if you did approach a girl you’re attracted to?
Would she kick you in the balls? Would she scream bloody rape and murder and all the passers-by would run up and beat you to death with a stick for talking to her?
Would she say “Sorry, I’m not interested” or “I have a boyfriend” and go away? Wow, that last one is probably the most painful, right? FUCKING WRONG!
That last one is, in fact, the best response you can get. Because rejection is a normal and natural part of life.
Everyone gets rejected. There’s not a single guy in the world who wouldn’t get rejected by at least someone. Even Brad Pitt gets rejected. Because every woman as an individual has individual tastes.
No matter who you are, no matter what you do and no matter what you have going on in your life, some people are just not going to like you. Until you realize this fact, you’re life’s gonna be shit.
But also because you LEARN from rejection. And you STOP WASTING TIME after getting rejected. Because you find out that this person wants nothing to do with you, and you MOVE ON to other people.
Until you find someone who thinks you’re great. And even if it takes 1000 approaches, you eventually will.
With billions of people in the world, I like those odds, to be honest. There’s always someone who’s going to think you’re the shit. Just as there’s always someone who’s going to think you’re shit.
Okay, so what’s the best thing that can happen if you approach her? Would she end up your girlfriend, fuckbuddy, wife? Would she agree to have a threesome with you and her gorgeous best friend? Would she fall in love with you forever and you’ll live happily ever after?
Well, why not find out?
Because you feel you’re not good enough for her?!? Ok.
So let’s look at it closely. Who would be good enough for her, then? Some tall, rich, dark, handsome prince in a black Mercedes? Why would he be good enough for her and you wouldn’t, exactly?
What makes him special? Isn’t he a person, just like you?
Or do you consider yourself to not be a person? Are you not a human being?
Are you a slug from outer space then? Or do you simply think you have absolutely no value to offer others? And that makes you think you’re not good enough for her?
Hold on . . . So do you think that the imaginary tall, rich and handsome prince has infinite value to offer her, then? That they wouldn’t ever have any problems, arguments, fights and other bullshit if they hooked up or had a relationship?
Well, do you even know WHAT WOMEN DESIRE FROM MEN?
Oh boy . . . here goes.
What women want and desire from men
I’ll give you a hint: it’s not money (Unless she’s a gold-digger.)
It’s also not looks and not status, contrary to popular belief.
Yeah, all those things are GREAT and they’ll certainly help you get laid a LOT if you’ve got all three of them. But they’re not a requirement, they’re just BONUSES.
These things make everything much easier. But you can get the same results without having any of them. I know I did. And I’m painfully average-looking, have no money to speak of and zero status.
Care to take a guess what women desire? I’ve talked about this before in my article about why women like bad boys so much.
To grossly oversimplify — women want emotions and experiences. That’s their drug of choice above everything else. In fact, it’s also the drug of choice for any person. Because emotions and experiences make life worth living.
And absolutely ANY guy can provide women with various emotions. No matter if he’s rich or poor, handsome or butt-ugly, tall or short, strong or weak. As long as he has a HEAD on his shoulders, can speak and do shit — he can provide women with everything they need to be happy. Or at least for sexual attraction to arise.
I’m not talking about having a relationship and getting married. Because those things take time, effort and finances to maintain properly.
I’m simply talking about RAW SEXUAL ATTRACTION. The thing that gets you laid like a fucking rockstar.
You’re getting older, so you gotta do everything now
So now that the secret’s out, I gotta ask one thing.
What’s holding you back?
The answer is, sadly, only you.
So fuck you if you whine that you’re not good enough for women. If you don’t take responsibility for your life, you only have yourself to blame.
I have no sympathy for this because it’s all on you. And I don’t want to sugarcoat anything because you have to realize that only you give a shit about your success. Plus maybe your family, if you’re lucky.
But the more you delay taking hold of your life and making the effort to learn to be social with people, the worse things will become.
Would you rather get all of this handled in your 20s and then have epic experiences with women while you’re still young? So that you don’t have one of the most common regrets men have on their deathbed?
Or would you rather whine for 20 or 30 years now without taking action, only to suddenly wake up in your 50s and realize that you should start learning then? And become great with women when you’re already close to falling apart and can’t even fuck without having a stroke? Well, if you’re into grannies and not young fit women, then good for you.
But that’s not my thing.
Remember, things will become progressively tougher for you as years go by. And there’s one thing certain in life — it fucks everyone in the end. So why not do some of the fuckings yourself? At least that way it’s gonna be a slightly more fun experience.