How to change your dating mindsets.

How To Stop Being Needy?

Your mindset is extremely important when it comes to dating! It’s particularly important if you want to stop being desperate for love, sex, and also with women in general!

And as we all know – desperation is one of the biggest attraction killers in dating!

If a woman so much as catches a whiff of the fact that you’re desperate to sleep with her or find a girlfriend in general – your chances are going to be toast, instantly!

Women don’t respect desperate guys.

So there’s an massive difference between guys who have a scarcity mentality about women, sex, and dating in general – as opposed to ones who have an abundance mentality with all those things!

Those two different mindsets subconsciously affect how these people behave in most of their interactions with women.

And that’s why mindsets are so crucial to dating – they affect how you perceive every interaction, how you perceive women, and how successful you’ll be at dating.

Different mindsets about dating:

For example, say you’re a guy who doesn’t really care about how women look (as long as they meet your certain criteria), and instead puts their personality at the forefront.

He approaches women and goes into the interaction thinking something like “Hey, you’re drop-dead gorgeous, but are you really a nice and interesting person underneath those amazing looks? Let’s find out!”

He has the chooser mentality and mindset by definition – because he knows what he likes and he intends to find out whether the girls he’s talking to are interesting and nice people – not objects.

Another guy, who focuses a lot on looks and doesn’t know how to connect with women will think something like this while approaching: “Oh damn she’s so hot, I hope I don’t screw this up! What do I say when I approach her to get her interest, to grab her attention?” and so on.

He has a mindset and mentality that he has to please women and say certain things so that they like him. He focuses on his insecurities and self-doubt instead of just approaching the hot girl and talking to her simply as a person to a person.

Who do you think will have more chances of attracting and seducing that girl?

I hope you get the point!

Even though this example is a bit extreme – it gets the point across.

A more subtle example of your dating mindset could be the following:

You have an abundance mindset – you think and know that there are literally thousands of girls all around you (unless you live in a very small town) – and you know that some of them are bound to like you, while others won’t.

You approach many different girls, talk to them, have a fun, interesting, or exciting conversation where you amuse both yourself and the girls – and then see if they wanna go on a date with you. Some will accept that offer, some will reject you – but either outcome is fine to you because you know at your core that there are many other girls just around the corner who you can approach and go out with instead.

As a result, you don’t focus all that much on rejection, and go on living a more carefree and worry-free life. You get laid pretty much consistently.

As a contrast, let’s take a guy who thinks that there’s this “one true soulmate” made especially for him. He becomes sex-starved because he doesn’t approach and talk to many different girls and instead focuses on one. He thinks that he has to pursue a certain woman whatever it takes, or he’ll never have a chance to “get with her”.

That guy is setting himself up for failure without even knowing it, because he doesn’t realize that NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO – some girls are just not going to like you.

But he keeps on pestering her and pestering her, not giving up when she tells him no – because he thinks they are “meant to be”. That can lead to massive emotional draining, depression, and a vicious circle of failure with women. It can also lead to stalking, scaring the girl and even bad rapey stuff.

So as you can see – mindsets are critical to your success with women.

How to Change Your Mindset

Now that you know how mindsets and different mentalities can affect you and your thoughts – it’s time to learn how to change them.

First of all, your mindset is a set of your core inner beliefs upon which you base your view of yourself and of the world. That’s a very simple mindset definition.

The complicated part is that changing it is easier said than done!

You can’t just snap your fingers and “poof!” – you get a whole new mindset!

Most people struggle to change one little belief about themselves, much less a whole broad range of self-sustaining and self-supporting beliefs that are based on your past life experiences along with negative pre-conditioning.

If it were easy to change mindsets at will, most people would be free of a lot of their insecurities and other psychological issues that hinder their success with women, and life in general.

So how do you do it?

Let’s get deep for a moment because this is an incredibly vast topic that deals with a deep-rooted psychological issue.

To change your mindset, you have to realize a few things:

FirstThe only way to change your mindset is to understand that the change has to be based on proven success models.

This means that you have to do something, succeed at it, and put those new experiences and reference points together to form a new belief about what you just did. It means that you must see and live your own success, that the only way to change at your core is to do something and be successful at it.

But here’s the weird part – you don’t have to be successful ALL of the time. You just have to know that there’s a possibility of success and see it.

For example – say you want to change your mindset about rejection. You want to believe that rejection by other people is normal and that nothing bad is going to happen to you – you’ll live.

So you go up to 30 people and say “Hello! I’m so and so, what’s your name?”. And then you see what happens; some people will speak to you, while others may ignore you or even outright reject you  by saying “Go away!” or something.

And even though some of these rejections may be brutal – you’ll still get tons of reference points that NOTHING BAD HAPPENED to you! You’ve lived through it, you didn’t get punched, you didn’t get harmed, you weren’t hurt and you just continued on with your life as normal, etc.

Then you can keep going up to people and keep getting rejected until you get completely desensitized to it. After a little of that – you will have a strong core belief, backed by a LOT of experience, that there’s nothing wrong with rejection, that you won’t get hurt as a result of it and that it’s a natural and normal thing!

In time, you may even develop a mindset that rejection is GOOD for you. Say whaaaat?

Yep – rejection is amazing for building character and learning how shit works.

When you go up to girls and talk to them – and then get rejected – it becomes the perfect opportunity for you to learn!

You get a chance to re-evaluate the situation and notice any mistakes that you may have done. Maybe you were too enthusiastic, maybe you didn’t pay attention too much to what they were saying – maybe your body language was all over the place, maybe you couldn’t hold solid eye contact, and so on. So you learn from these mistakes, and you eventually become better at approaching and talking to girls.

Then you use that newfound knowledge to get rejected less and less – until you get laid whenever you want.

Being great with women is a social skill. And like any other skill, you learn by getting as much experience, by learning from your failures, and by gradually becoming good at it. You can’t become better without failure!

Second It takes a lot of conscious discipline and willpower to change yourself.

You have to constantly try to catch yourself in the act of thinking negative thoughts that come from certain mindsets that you have – and then change those thoughts or replace them with positive ones.

Let’s say you want to stop being needy. So when you are thinking of doing something that might be construed as needy – like calling up your girlfriend for the 3rd time when she’s out with her girlfriends – you have to catch yourself in the act of thinking that you have to call her up – then shut down those thoughts so they don’t lead to desperate actions – and direct them onto something else – something more productive.

Calling her for the 3rd or 4th time won’t accomplish anything but display to her that you’re a desperate and jealous guy who isn’t comfortable with letting his girlfriend go out and socialize with other people. If you do that, she’ll eventually lose all respect, attraction and love for you.

That’s another extreme example, but you get my drift. Don’t focus on the examples, but on the point – since there are literally thousands of possible examples.

ThirdFind and create a positive change.

When you’re not happy with how your life is going right now – you need to start being proactive and make a change yourself. No one will do it for you!

Say you’re bad at talking to women. Let’s say that due to your early experiences, you have developed a mindset that you’re unattractive, that you don’t know what to say and what to do when talking to girls, that you’re creepy, unlovable, etc. – and that girls will always reject you.

As a result, you accept this bullshit belief based on a few bad experiences, and stay in your comfort zone and neglect improving yourself as a person. You become desperate for love, but you aren’t willing to help yourself.

That shit will destroy you at your core – it will prevent any positive action because of the fear that you have developed around this subject.

And guess what – that fear is irrelevant and you fell for the trap of not getting enough reference points by not approaching enough women.

In other words – your sample size was too small!

Let’s say you approached 4 women and got completely blown out – crushing your enthusiasm and will to live and procreate in the process. You gave up on yourself because FOUR girls told you to fuck off.

Why do you then stop?

When you do something new that you haven’t done before, that you really really want to succeed at, and you want to test how it works, are you gonna do just 3-4 tries or as many as it takes you to learn, like 100 or 1000?

As l already mentioned, being great with women is a SKILL.

If all it takes is just 4 girls to reject you for you to think that you’re worthless and that there’s something wrong with you – then you are just giving up way too early and too easily.

So go approach more women. There are girls everywhere; approach them, talk to them, and some of them are bound to like you, just as some of them are bound to not like you.

That’s because you can’t please everyone nor can you even be liked by everyone.

So approach at least 100, or even more. Try to understand why you’re getting rejected, then learn and improve. Eventually you’ll find girls who like you.

If you really wanted to learn to play tennis, for example, would you give up completely if you failed to hit the ball the first five times?

Think about that for a little bit.

So how do you deal with this?

Well, this is a massively complicated topic, and I don’t want to repeat myself because I already wrote a whole free course on how to deal with such negative mindsets and beliefs that lead to anxiety, fear, and other insecurities.

Changing mindsets becomes much easier when you know how your brain and your thoughts work – and how they affect your emotions.

It’s easy to have a strong mind and become clear-minded once you realize a couple of things.

So if you want to learn how to deal with all of this psychological bullshit – sign up for my newsletter by clicking the red paper aeroplane to the left, or filling out your email below this post – and you’ll get a COMPLETE and FREE course on how to deal with this, and many other problems.

Lesson 5, for example, is titled “Changing Yourself and Your Negative Beliefs”. It’s about 4000 words long and offers real and practical solutions on how to deal with that certain problem.

Lesson One is about Boundaries, Lesson 2 is about Anxiety, and so on.

Sign up and read all of them and learn how to get your insecurities handled.

You have no reason not to! You either improve yourself, learn to become better – or end up a miserable loser who is desperate for love, affection, and sex.

So what are some of your dating mindsets that you’d like to improve upon? 

How strong and healthy are your boundaries? Do you have any negative and limiting beliefs that you’d like to get rid of?

Use the comment section below to tell us and we’ll give you some feedback!

As always, if you found this useful, share it with your friends who you think this may help.


saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.


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    December 28, 2016

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  2. December 28, 2016

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  3. Xerc
    December 29, 2016

    WOW just what I was searching for. Great content, thanks so much!

  4. Satan
    March 26, 2018

    Yeah, so I’m ‘objectifying’ women, but that’s because that’s what they are, objects, objects of low value and importance – only good for a fuck, but I’m just honest, that’s what us guys think, the only thing we want from an attractive woman, and the only thing she can give us, is sex. Sure we could blow smoke up a girls ass, and act like she’s more valuable than that, but most of them aren’t(they aren’t even any good at cooking, I mean, how bad is that?)

    • saulisdating
      February 8, 2019

      Wow man, who hurt you?

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