How Do I Start Being Confident? Where Confidence Begins

Last week I gave a public speech to a large group of people between the ages of 18-45 about confidence. And the main goal of my speech was to give people a simple technique they can use to start being confident whenever they want to.

I’m going to share this great tool with you today.

You see, just as I said in my public speech – I wasn’t born a confident person. Even though most people who meet me say I appear very confident to them.

That’s why I want to emphasize the following point right away: Self-confidence is a SKILL and NOT a personality trait. Which means ANYONE can learn to trust themselves. Because it’s not something you’re born with, but something you become.

I’ve had problems with self-trust and self-confidence all throughout my childhood. And even through school and early university days.

But then I learned some very useful things and started improving myself as a person. And my life changed completely, for the better.

I’ll show you how you can do the same with your life – how to start being confident – so make sure to read the entire article.

Confidence is a skill you develop

It’s important to understand that Self-Confidence doesn’t act like an ON/OFF switch.

It’s not like you’re ON and you’re fully, 100% confident. Or OFF and you’re not confident at all, afraid of everything.

Also, it’s not about feeling unafraid of everything. You can be self-confident but still feel fear, excitement, sadness and a bunch of other different emotions. This is completely normal and natural because you can’t escape from emotions as long as you have a physical body.

Think of Self-Confidence as more like an amplifier knob – it fluctuates from day to day, or even hour to hour. Depending on your inner thoughts (Inner Game) as well as the circumstances of your life.

Which brings us to a VERY important concept:

Your opinion of yourself matters greatly

This is one of the most important self-improvement ideas you will ever read, so make sure you really understand it.


Let me repeat this again: A man can NEVER rise above his own opinion of himself.

Therefore, in order to change ourselves and reach our potential, we must first change the way we think about ourselves.

For example, if you ever think of things like “Oh, I can’t do this or that because I’m just not the kind of person who does this or that” – then you’ve got a problem.

Have you ever had thoughts like these or something similar?

“Oh, I’m just not the sort of person who can sing loudly.”

“I’m not someone who can approach women on the street.”

“I’m just not the kind of person who would do this <whatever thing you’re afraid of>”

No matter what the thing you supposedly “can’t” be doing is, these type of thoughts limit you severely.

When you think of yourself as the sort of person who can’t do something – it becomes true. You won’t be able to do that thing simply because you can’t even see yourself as someone wh0 would do it.

It becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy. But most importantly, it becomes like a prison. A self-made prison with a self-imposed punishment that severely limits your potential. You self-sabotage yourself so you can’t start being confident in that moment.

How do I start being confident? Stop limiting yourself

I see this mistake time and time again and it makes me pretty sad.

People limit themselves with their own opinion of themselves pretty often. And such thoughts usually become a habit, which makes it extremely difficult for people to start being confident and to develop that self-confidence into something that would be a powerful driving force in your life.

So in order to begin your journey of learning how to be confident and starting to feel that way, you really need to sit down and have a serious talk with yourself. You need to reflect on yourself and your life and see where your thoughts may be limiting you.

For example: If I have an opinion of myself as someone who is too old to go to the gym – I’ll be right. I’ll instantly become too old for the gym because I’ll convince myself of that. And then I’ll start avoiding the gym because I think I’m too old for it. (Even though there are plenty of people in their 70s and 80s who go to the gym and are definitely not too old for it.)

That’s just one example of how you can limit yourself in your life. And it shows the dangers of your own opinion of yourself pretty clearly.

So if you, for example, think that “You’re too ugly to approach women on the street” then you’ll be perfectly right. No matter whether you’re actually ugly or not, it won’t matter – you’ll be ugly in your own thoughts about yourself – which will make your approaches significantly worse. Because you’re being your own worst enemy in that exact moment you’re thinking it.

This will severely affect your game and women will find you less attractive.

So how do you fix this? How do you stop imprisoning yourself with your own thoughts and begin your journey of building confidence?

The answer, of course, lies in working on your Inner Game (Your mental skills).

Confidence Begins From The Willingness to Try Things

We have to understand that self-confidence does not start with believing in yourself or believing that no matter what happens, everything will be fine and you will handle it.

This is self-deception – because there are no people in the world who are ready for everything. And it’s important to stop deluding yourself.

That’s why Affirmations aren’t that good. If you don’t actually believe in the things you’re constantly affirming to yourself – they don’t work very well.

So take note of the following very important concept how to start being confident:


It all begins from the simplest thoughts like: “Why not? Why not give it a try? I’d like to try it see and maybe I’ll succeed.”

Simple thoughts like this open up the way to real self-confidence. It’s where everything starts – with actual willingness to try something you haven’t.

Okay, okay, but knowing that you would like to do something means nothing if you’re not able to get over yourself, over your fears, hesitations and doubts – and start doing something in that exact moment you want to do it, right?

So HOW DO YOU CROSS THAT THRESHOLD? How do you push yourself forward when the moment comes and you need it?

That’s where a very simple but EXTREMELY effective method will help you.

Method to help you make decisions and do what you want

In 2016, the American author, motivator, public speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins found and improved this method and called it the “Five Second Rule.” Then she tested its effectiveness with multiple scientists, psychotherapists, her friends and other people, and wrote a book about it.

The method is very simple:

When the moment comes when you want to do something you’re afraid of or hesitate to do. Or when various automatic negative thoughts start going through your mind and start talking you out of doing something you’d want – making you doubt yourself and question everything – do this:

Start counting BACKWARDS in your mind: 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – and then say some kind of starting word, such as LET’S GO! LIFT OFF! LET’S DO THIS. And this will help you to decide at that exact moment to start doing whatever it is you wanted to.

That’s because scientists have found that when people count backwards, they’re not really able to think about anything else at that moment. Since people aren’t used to counting backwards in their day to day lives and have to focus on it. It requires a lot of attention and concentration.

This phenomenon is called a “Thought Pattern Interrupt.”

It’s when you stop your thoughts of your own free will – whenever you want to.

The confidence technique that can change your life

Can you already imagine what a great technique this is when you master it?

Every “Over-thinker” who’s constantly lost in thought or people who are chronically worried and hesitant about things can use this life hack to change their lives significantly. Because having the ability to make your thought processes cease at will is like a super power.

When you can quiet your mind like this when you need to, it’s very liberating.

You can lessen or even sometimes outright stop anxiety and panic attacks, when you get good enough at this.

And, if you take this technique even further and start counting backwards using more difficult numbers instead of the simple 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – then you can even force yourself into the now and be present and in the moment.

Basically, when you stop your mind’s ability to think about the future or the past by counting backwards – it forces you into the present moment.

So remember, when the moment comes when you want to do something but are afraid. Even though you know it’s necessary. Start counting BACKWARDS aloud in your mind: 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – GO!

Then you’ll simply turn off your mind’s ability to start hesitating and doubting yourself. You’ll turn off the incessant flow of your thoughts. And it’ll be MUCH EASIER for you to start doing what you want.

Example of how someone can begin being confident

Let’s take a simple example.

Imagine you’re walking down the street and you see a beautiful woman walking towards you.

You immediately think something like “WOW, how nice it would be to meet her!”

But while you’re walking towards each other, you have thoughts like “Oh, maybe I’m not good enough for her? Would such a beautiful lady even want to meet me? She probably has boyfriend already. Oh, I’ve gained a lot of weight recently, I’m not in good shape, I look like a loser, I’m not really that interesting” and so on and so forth.

And how does it all end? You simply pass each other by and don’t even talk to her. And then you get mad at yourself.

These kinds of thoughts kill your willingness to even try to talk to her. So you’ll never do it.

But let’s say you listen to my lesson and take what I say to heart.

Let’s say the next time you see a gorgeous girl like this (or when you want to ask your boss for a promotion, or confess your love to someone, or even jump from a parachute or whatever) you do the following:

Imagine you’re walking down the street, you see that lady and you start thinking, “Wow, she’s hot – I’d like to try to meet and seduce her.”

Immediately after this thought hits your mind, you start COUNTING BACKWARDS: 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – I”M GOING TO DO THIS! And then decide to do it.

Boom, in that moment you’ve now decided that you will do this.

And now, since you’ve already DECIDED to do it, your thinking automatically changes from “Would I be able to do it or not?” to simply thinking about how to do it more efficiently.

Your decision instantly makes all of your hesitations and doubts go away. Because you ALREADY KNOW that you will already do it.

You finally walk up to her, smile and simply say “Hi!”

Your journey of self-assuredness begins now

And that’s it! By doing that, you’ve already won! You’ve already defeated yourself but in a good way and can now start being confident!

It doesn’t actually matter now if she wants to talk to you or not. It doesn’t matter how it all ends, whether something will come of it or not.

What’s important is that at that exact moment – you’ve won over yourself – and crossed the threshold – into self-confidence.

At that moment, you started to trust yourself. You’ve began your journey into self-confidence.

And the more often you do this, the better it will be.

All that remains is to nurture, develop and build on this feeling of self-assuredness. In everything you do.

And the more you do this, the more you’ll get over yourself and the more you’ll WANT to try to do something you’re afraid of.

This is where confidence begins. This is how you start being confident when you want to. And then you build on it. And eventually, through lots of practice and effort, you will become a very confident person.

Then you continue building your skill of confidence through ACTION.


saulisdating Written by:

Andrius Saulis has over 15 years of extensive hands-on experience and expertise in the field of Dating, Seduction, Relationships and Social Dynamics. He's helping men all around the world get rid of their insecurities, regain their high self-esteem and confidence, and become successful with women. He teaches men how to attract and seduce women not through manipulative tactics, but by being their genuine, authentic and charming selves, while exuding a flirty, confident and sexy vibe that women can't get enough of. Learn how to have a flawless first date with The Saulis Dating Guide to get as many serious or casual relationships as you want.

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